


10 Signs Your Boyfriend and Captain are More than Just Attracted to (in Love with) each other

by Misscar



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Accidental Voyeurism, Aliens Make Them Do It, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comedy of Errors, Developing Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Fuck Or Die, How to break up with dignity, Love triangle without the tragedy, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Oblivious Jim and Spock, POV Outsider, Pon Farr, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Truth Serum, Uhura is fabulous, Vulcan blow job, laughter is the best medicine, self-help parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-03-22
Packaged: 2017-12-03 16:06:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 67,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/700098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misscar/pseuds/Misscar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because Jim Kirk is Jim Kirk, it's hard to tell when he is more than just attracted to someone. Also, how exactly do you tell if your boyfriend is falling in love with someone else i.e. your captain?  From personal experience, Lt. Uhura has come up with 10 signs to look for in each, to see if your captain may just be in love with your boyfriend and just maybe that your boyfriend may just love him back.<br/>In other words, a Jim and Spock love story entirely from Nyota's perspective without extreme character bashing.</p><p>This is the remastered version of “10 Signs Your Captain Is More than Just Attracted To Your Boyfriend.” and "10 Signs Your Boyfriend Is In Love with Your Captain."<br/>Edited and combined for easier reading.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sign One Spock: They Argue All the Time

**Author's Note:**

> This is the remastered version of “10 Signs Your Captain Is More than Just Attracted To Your Boyfriend.” and "10 Signs Your Boyfriend Is In Love with Your Captain."  
> Edited and combined for easier reading. Basically, I realize that this series did not archive very well. Therefore, I'm posting the version on this site in the way it should be read for maximum comprehension and enjoyment.  
> This was my very first Star Trek story, first published in Spring 2010. Please be gentle.  
> Will be AU as soon as the new film is out.  
> Pairings: Disintegrating S/U to become S/K with strong K&U and S&U friendship  
> This story has been by beta Teddy Bear.   
> I take full responsibility for any remaining mistakes or at the very least, I will blame it on the voice recognition software (that I must utilize to write the stories) that is unable to tell the difference between ideal and idea.

They argue all the time. They have been doing this since the beginning of the mission. The tension was obvious. People were actually betting on when her boyfriend would strangle the captain again. (Crewmembers are also making other wagers that she's not supposed to know about, but does anyway.)  
How can a First Officer truly do his job if he is always fighting with his Captain? Apparently quite well considering the two had the highest efficiency rating in the entire fleet. They work so seamlessly together after only a few short months it seems as if they could read each other’s minds. Yet, the moment the mission was over, they were at each other's throats. At least this time it's only in the figurative sense. (If she hears Ensign Thompson say one more thing about erotic asphyxiation in relation to the "bridge incident", she is going to strangle Brittany herself and there won't be anything sexual about it.)  
At first, she wondered why Spock even took this job. It was obvious that her boyfriend did not get along with Captain Kirk. Maybe it was because of her. In her heart, she likes to believe that was the reason. In her mind, she knows her theory is illogical at best. Her boyfriend tried to be the epitome of logic therefore he would not make any career decision based on romantic feelings in relation to her.  
The little girl inside of her who believed in fairy tales wants to believe that he loves her so much that he would be willing to put up with a complete ass of a boss just to be near her. The Starfleet officer that she has become wonders after everything if he is even capable of loving her at all.  
Before the destruction of Vulcan, he never once said the words ‘I love you’ to her. Now she wondered if it would be possible to ever hear the words from his lips. Between losing his mother and a lifetime of being conditioned to suppress all emotions, she doubted he would be able to say those words to anyone. She wondered if he could express any feelings at all to anyone at this point. Though she loved him as he is, she needed some outward indication that he cared. The way he kissed her did not count.  
Yet, there was one person that could get an emotional response from her boyfriend. She knew that person made him feel things that he wasn't ready to acknowledge. At first, she thought her boyfriend only felt hate in relation to his captain. Yet, as time went on, she realized it was a completely different feeling. It was obvious to her that the captain triggered an emotional response in her overly logical boyfriend that no one else could, not even her.  
At some point, she realizes that Jim and Spock were not actually arguing with each other. What she perceived as arguing was just a very passionate discussion. Her boyfriend's use of the Vulcan equivalent of yelling was just how they talked things out. (Not that Vulcan's actually yell, instead her boyfriend just raised his voice slightly with an angry eyebrow raised in relation to their captain.) It was speaking with passion and as a communications expert she realized what that really meant. At that same moment, she became aware that she could never get that type of emotional response out of him.  
When he was around her it was all about logic and doing what is most prudent. He never allowed his emotions to show in front of her. He hasn't cried once since his mother died (or at the very least, not in front of her). He never told her that he loved her. The most she ever heard was "I find your company mentally stimulating."  
When he is around the captain, his logic begins to slip a little. When she watches him with Kirk, she can see this passion in him that is absent when he's with her. On the surface, that passion seemed related to hate, but she knew better. There is an old saying on earth about love and hate being two sides of the same coin.  
She doesn't know what to do with this knowledge. She decides to do nothing and let the relationship between her and Spock stay as it is. If he does not realize what's going on, she will not enlighten him. It's the only logical thing to do. Her boyfriend will appreciate her logical decision.


	2. Sign One Jim Kirk: He Enjoys the Arguing a little too much

Jim Kirk—Captain Jim Kirk finds everyone aesthetically pleasing. Let's be honest, he is a slut or at least she perceives him that way. The man would hit on your grandmother if you introduced her to him. Actually, he would probably hit on your grandfather too, because he doesn't feel like limiting himself to only half of any species (including half-Vulcans).

The first time she met Jim, he made a pass at her. (This became a normal behavior pattern until he found a new target, unfortunately.) There was also the fact that three years later he slept with her roommate just so he could win the unwinnable test. Last week, he secured mining rights from a particular planet by spending 30 minutes alone with a certain ambassador doing who knows what.

Therefore, it does not surprise her that she catches her captain checking out her boyfriend's ass on the bridge. She's not even surprise when it starts becoming a regular occurrence. (She does find this highly frustrating, but at least he's no longer looking at her ass.) She is also not surprised that her captain becomes a master of double entendres around her boyfriend, that Spock supposedly doesn't understand.

What surprises her is that her captain is attracted to her boyfriend, even though they appear to hate each other. They are always fighting, when they are not doing something work related. Actually, they are always fighting even if they are doing something work related. It doesn't matter because they still work well together regardless.

Eventually, she realizes that they are not actually fighting with each other. This is just how they communicate. They are really not fighting, just talking with passion. For some unknown reason, her boyfriend and her captain are able to communicate with each other on a level that is completely unique to the two of them. Even though she is a communications expert, she still doesn't understand what's going on completely.

The fact that her captain can make her boyfriend feel anything passionately is an entirely different issue. (See sign one Spock. Yes, her boyfriend and her captain are driving her so crazy that she must do a rant for each or risk strangling the two in a non-sexual way.)

What truly let her know that something is different this time is that her captain enjoys arguing with her boyfriend too much. (No, she is not referring to the rumors about her captain having a choking fetish or a half Vulcan choking fetish. She refuses to talk about how this rumor started after surveillance footage of a certain bridge incident started floating around the ship.)

No, she is talking about the fact that when they get into an "argument" her captain is usually smiling the entire time, unless the situation is truly dire. She realized quickly that her captain gets a certain amount of "pleasure" from triggering an emotional response from her boyfriend.

At first she mistakes this for Jim's normal smug approach. She knew better now. He is not just "arguing" with Spock purely for pleasure. Actually, it is still for pleasure but it's a completely different type of pleasure. (Apparently, her captain forgot that her boyfriend is her boyfriend.)

This is when she comes to the revelation that her captain is not arguing with her boyfriend. Her captain is flirting with her boyfriend. This isn't his normal flirting. He actually likes her boyfriend as more than just a conquest.

The thing that makes her realize this is that her captain avoided certain subjects in her boyfriend's presence. He never triggers an argument with mention of the destruction of Vulcan, the death of her boyfriend's mother, or the "bridge incident." He will not even mention the "bridge incident" as a joke. He actually goes out of his way to be sensitive to her boyfriend's emotional needs. (Yes, contrary to popular belief her boyfriend does have emotional needs. Unfortunately, only her captain and she are aware of this.) The most notable example is that even though her captain called everyone by their first name whenever possible, he referred to the three women on ship with the first name Amanda by their last names only.

This fact in itself gives her cause to believe that maybe her captain is more than just attracted to her boyfriend in his traditional way. In an effort to preserve her relationship with her boyfriend, she decided not to point this fact out to either party. If they can't figure it out on their own, she won't tell her boyfriend or her captain. She will ignore this information unless her captain does something truly idiotic.

 


	3. Sign two Spock: He Would Rather Do Paperwork With the Captain Then Spend His Lunch With You

When the mission first began months ago, she and Spock ate lunch together every time they had the same shift. It was their ritual. During this time her and her boyfriend would talk about what they were doing in regards to their various projects or other things going on. This is something that they have been doing since before they were dating.   
It really was not a two-way conversation anymore. He merely says the word ‘fascinating’ passively at the appropriate moments as she does all the talking. She doesn't realize this until weeks later.  
During the second week of the mission, this begins to change. A certain captain sat with them on the pretense of needing to speak with her boyfriend about certain work related things. It wasn't exactly a pretense. There were certain things related to the operation of the ship that needed to be discussed right then. She just did not want to have her lunch interrupted by ‘shoptalk’.  
Her lunch break was one of the few times she didn't need to think about the translation of a treaty with planet Exe or what disaster will occur when they visit planet WI. She also did not want to watch her boyfriend hold himself back when Kirk deliberately tried to get him to react in some way.  
Over the next three weeks, the captain interrupted her boyfriend lunchtime 15 times. She was furious when she realized that 12 of those times her boyfriend invited him to sit with them.  
After three weeks of lunches where her boyfriend ignored her for the captain during their work related ‘arguments’, she realized that when Kirk deliberately tries to get a reaction out of her boyfriend he's actually flirting. (See sign one Jim Kirk.) After a few weeks of this, she decided it was time to clue her boyfriend in to what was going on.  
That evening she tries to explain this to her boyfriend but he deliberately misunderstands her. She knows it's delivered because he's the one who taught her how to translate Vulcan into standard. The man is a Xenolinguistics expert.  
She decides to not make a big deal about it because if she explained the flirting thing she's also going to have to explain what's really going on when he engages in an ‘argument’ with their captain.  
She decided to let it go assuming that the captain is not able to communicate with anybody without flirting or pissing them off. She knows better now. It was a testament to his skills that he was able to pull both off simultaneously with her boyfriend. (Other than the captain, she was the only one who knew that Kirk had successfully irritated him. Spock's voice raised one octave and his left eyebrow twitched for exactly 2.69 seconds.)  
She realized Spock was not really that annoyed anymore. She refused to think about the fact that maybe her boyfriend enjoyed the captain flirting with him.  
A month later, after a first contact that goes somewhat badly they decide to stop pretending that they don't want to have lunch together. Her boyfriend and the captain are sitting together before she even gets to the table. The two are talking about something obviously not work related when she sits down. She wondered when they will stop with the pretense of the working lunch. Very little work actually got done, despite PADDs being present. Fifteen minutes, later it's obvious to her that her boyfriend doesn't even remember that she is sitting at the table.  
Two weeks later, she decides that if her boyfriend can do a ‘working lunch’, she can to. She stopped sitting with him and the captain, so that she can get to know those in her department better. She did not want anybody under her thinking that she only got her commission because she was with the first officer. She was the youngest Chief Communications Officer ever and she had just as much to prove.  
She discovered later that evening when they walk off the bridge together that he did not even realize she did not eat lunch with him that day. She had no idea such a thing was possible for him. This realization made her very sad.  
One day three weeks later, after a weeklong away mission, her boyfriend and the captain did not even bother to come to the cafeteria. That night she asked him why they decided not to have lunch in the cafeteria. "After a week away we had a significant amount of paperwork that needed to be completed by 19:00 hour’s ship time. The only logical way we could complete the necessary paperwork on time was to work through lunch." Her boyfriend said this to her without any hint of emotion whatsoever. He didn't make eye contact with her or change the infliction of his voice at all.  
At that moment, she realized that the assumption that Vulcans cannot lie was completely false. It would be more accurate to say that you can't tell when a Vulcan lies to you. There are no outward appearances of deception. On their next shore leave, she should take her boyfriend to a casino. He could make a small fortune playing poker.  
Then she realized that maybe he's not lying to her, just to himself. Maybe, he doesn't realize that he rather do ‘paperwork’ with the captain than have lunch with her. Maybe he doesn't remember that before they started dating they came up with reasons to have ‘working lunches’ just so they could spend time with each other. If he is unaware of this, she will not enlighten him. It is the logical thing to do. At least, that was what she told herself.


	4. Sign Two Jim: He Uses Paperwork As an Excuse to Spend Time With Your Boyfriend.

Early on, Nyota realized there were certain things that they did not tell you at the academy. You never learn how to get over the deaths of persons on your team. They never teach you about being thrown into the deep end by your commanding officer. There are no classes at the academy to teach you how to deal with coworkers who assume you only got your commission because you are good at spreading your legs.  
One of the more mundane things they forgot to mention was the copious amounts of paperwork involved with being Chief Communications Officer. She was truly starting to hate bureaucracy. She had no idea that a Chief Communications Officer would spend 35% of her day reviewing reports from those under her. This was in addition to her bridge responsibilities.  
Considering the amount of time she spent on work related activities when she was technically off the clock, she should not be surprised her boyfriend would be doing the same. He spent the majority of his time filling out paperwork, managing projects in the lab, or meeting with the captain to discuss normal daily operations. This was in addition to any other research he was working on. Her boyfriend schedule was even worse when the ship was in crisis mode. (It seemed like the Enterprise was in crisis mode the majority of the time).

  
She understood that she and Spock would be spending less time together now. He was the first officer for the federation's flagship and she was Chief Communications Officer and was in charge of the entire communications department.  
She understood that just like her, he had many responsibilities that needed to come first. Her boyfriend being the logical individual that he was would not allow their relationship to compromise his ability to perform his duties as assigned.  
The problem was a certain captain was assigning unnecessary duties to said boyfriend in an effort to spend more time with him. Maybe he just did this to drive her completely crazy. She wasn't sure.  
At first, she did not notice it because Kirk was calling her at all hours of the day to work on special projects as well or translate something in an emergency. His behavior did not seem out of the ordinary.

  
She did not have an inkling that something else was going on until the captain started crashing her lunches with her boyfriend. She did not say anything at first because the two were discussing work related things like when they should have the next emergency drill or who should be on the next away team. (She would also use these opportunities to get her placed on away teams more often. She was not going to let those idiots go down to certain planets with just the universal translator. With their "record of accomplishment", they probably would end up "accidentally" getting married to each other or dead.)  
It was also easier for her to keep quiet when she assumed they hated each other. If all they do is argue or make snide remarks at each other, they must hate one another. She conveniently forgot about a boy named Kofi, from the first grade, who used to pull her braids because he had a crush on her.  
It took her several weeks to realize this was what her captain was doing to Spock. Apparently, "emotionless dick" was a term of endearment. It became obvious to her that Kirk was flirting with her boyfriend. If this was the captain's normal flirting, she could let it go. (He hits on her once a day and he is not in love with her.) However, there was this additional level to what was going on. At this point, she already knew Kirk had feelings for her boyfriend.

  
When she told Spock that the captain was flirting with him, he deliberately misunderstood her. (See sign two of her second rant on her idiotic boyfriend who is in complete denial of his own feelings to the point that he does not acknowledge he has feelings at all. Contrary to popular belief, her boyfriend does have feelings. Unfortunately, only she and her captain are aware of this. She is the only one who is aware he has feelings for the captain. Stupid boyfriend.)  
After a few more days of watching this go on, she decided to confront Kirk herself. When she pointed out his obvious "teenager with a crush" behavior, her captain showed a level of denial that would make her boyfriend proud.  
First, he stated that they still hated each other. She wanted to laugh at that but knew it was disrespectful. Instead, she responded with, "If you hate him, why are you spending so much time with us?" He stayed quiet for 15 seconds before denying everything. That was a record for him.  
When she told him that she did not believe him, he responded with, "If I didn't flirt with your boyfriend from time to time you would send me to sick bay." In a weird way, he was probably right.  
She did not have the emotional energy to tell him that he was flirting with Spock in a completely different way or that the flirting he did with Spock was not meaningless. Kirk only gave certain smiles to her boyfriend. He was only happy when Spock was around. The only time she heard genuine laughter from him was when her boyfriend told a joke that only her and Kirk could understand. He always tried harder when Spock was around, as if he had something to prove.  
She was already aware that Kirk made her boyfriend feel passionately about things. Now she is aware that Spock makes Kirk feel the exact same way. She can see it every time she looks into his eyes. There is a passion burning there that can only be triggered by Spock.  
Eventually she gives up on her boyfriend at lunchtime. She lets it become first officer and captain lunchtime or more accurately Jim and Spock time. She lets them keep up with the delusion that they were still having working lunches. From three tables, away she can see Kirk smiling and laughing. No one smiles and laughs when they are doing paperwork or discussing how to notify the parents of the ensign who died in the line of duty yesterday. Everybody could see it as well, because no one else would infringe upon Spock and Kirk's time together, not even Jim's best friend Dr. McCoy would eat lunch with the pair.  
It was when her captain started to infringe on her after work time with her boyfriend that she became furious. As before, she let it go at first. She originally assumed that there were legitimate reasons why her captain needed to spend evenings with her boyfriend. After overhearing a conversation between two of her subordinates she revised her opinion quickly.  
"What is the punishment for shoving a stylus into the brain of your captain?" She overheard Ensign Thompson ask Ensign Rodriguez in anger. one evening when the captain was monopolizing her boyfriend.  
"It depends on how justifiable it was. What did he do this time?" Ensign Rodriguez asked.  
"Our fearless leader is sitting on his paperwork again. I needed to transmit it to Starfleet three hours ago." She heard Ensign Thompson say with a touch of irritation.  
"That's not that big of a thing."  
"It is when he's sitting on his paperwork just so he has an excuse to spend his evenings with his very hot First Officer rushing through it."  
"What are you talking about Brittany?" Rodriguez asked her in confusion.  
"Come on everybody can see it. Our captain is completely in love with his first officer. He's acting like I did when I purposely flunked Introductory to Klingon just so I could get a certain very hot teaching assistant to give me extra attention after class. It's like he is 13 again. Actually, he did something like this when he was 13." Britney said shaking her head.  
Nyota could not believe she missed it. She used the same technique herself to get Spock's attention when he was just her language instructor. In her case, she asked him to explain certain ancient Vulcan terms to her. She purposely chose words that had no standard equivalent such as t'hy'la. (Ever since she became aware of what was going on between Kirk and Spock that word has been coming back in her mind a lot. She had no idea why.)  
She should not be surprise that Kirk was doing the exact same thing. It was obvious to her already that he had feelings for her boyfriend. What did shock her was the way he denied his behavior.  
"Spock and I cannot keep arguing all the time. If spending a bit more time doing our jobs causes us to become a better command team, then I will do it. I don't see why you are so upset." She tried hard not to laugh at his response. It wasn't working that well.  
"I thought you enjoy the arguing," she told him. What she wanted to say was, "I thought you got off on the arguing." She decided discretion was called for at that moment.  
"If only it was in the privacy of my quarters." She wasn't quite sure how to take that comment. She decided to ignore it as he continued talking. "Most of the crew have been making bets on when Spock is actually going to kill me. It isn't good for a captain to have those under him making bets about his death." She wondered if he knew about the bets people were making on when he and Spock would sleep together.  
"So that's the only reason?" She wanted to ask him if his crush on her boyfriend had anything to do with it, but she held her tongue.  
"I want to be Spock's friend." Again, she had to stifle laughter. After watching him and her boyfriend dance around each other for months, laughter seemed to be the only appropriate response. It was probably disrespectful to laugh hysterically at your captain for his complete denial.  
"You don't just want to be Spock's friend." She said looking at him directly.  
"Are you assuming I cannot have a relationship with anybody that doesn't involve sex?" Did he really go there?  
"I'm implying that you don't want to have a relationship with Spock without a physical component. It is just who you are. You screwed my roommate just so you could beat that stupid test. I don't exactly have high expectations when it comes to your personal behavior. Besides, you spend half the shift looking at my boyfriend's backside." She said that part in a near whisper. His wide eyes told her that he heard her.  
"Contrary to your assumption I haven't slept with anyone in almost four months. Stop assuming I am the ship whore, when I'm not. As for looking at your boyfriend, he is hot. I told you it has been four months. I don't know why you are so worried, your boyfriend is straight." He said that in a whisper that she wasn't meant to hear.  
She decided not to mention that her now boyfriend was dating some guy she can't remember the name of when she "convinced" him to be with her instead. She refused to help her captain get with her boyfriend in any way, shape, or form.  
"If you want to be his friend ask him to play chess after hours. If you keep stalling paperwork just to spend time with Spock, Ensign Thompson is going to figure out how to kill you with a stylus. I would hate to have to fill out the paperwork if someone in my department actually succeeds in killing you."  
After she tells him this, he just smiles at her as if he is going to ignore everything she just said. However, he does not. Maybe that is another indication that something deeper is going on. After their "discussion", he turns in his paperwork on time.  
On those occasions when Jim and Spock really do have to discuss ship related things, she is invited in on the discussions whenever possible. She is happy to be there because she gets to learn more about the daily operations of the ship and other things related to her department. She is given additional responsibilities that she likes.  
What she does not like is watching them interact with each other. Sometimes when they are together, they forget that she is in the room. There is nothing "just friends" about their interaction with each other. It is like they are each other's other half. However, she decides it's in her best interest to let them stay in their state of self-delusion.


	5. Spock Sign Three: He Blows Off Your Dates to Play Chess With the Captain.

She blames herself. Really, it was all her fault. She was the one who suggested that Kirk play chess with her boyfriend instead of stalling paperwork if he really wanted to try to be ‘friends’ with Spock. How was she to know that he would take her suggestion seriously? Never mind, this is Jim Kirk she was talking about.  
She assumed that a person as reckless as her captain could never play chess. At least, she was partially right in that assumption. Jim Kirk did not play chess. How was she to know he never learned to play because of the game's association with his dead father? George Kirk was a master chess player before he died. Jim's mother banned anything in the house that reminded her too much of her late husband including the game of chess. She found this sad fact out when Kirk and Spock played for the first time. (She hopes she never becomes the type of person that can't let go.)  
The first time they played each other in one of the recrooms it was downright hilarious. The game lasted exactly 1 minute and 53 seconds. The second game lasted four minutes and twenty nine seconds. The final game of the evening lasted a remarkable 9 minutes and 15 seconds. Spock's only comment was, "You are showing remarkable skills for somebody who has never played before."  
The older crewmembers who were still a bit upset that they had a captain who was younger than them found this quite enjoyable. (This was actually a minority of the crew. Personally, even though she thought Kirk was a complete ass, she would admit he is a really good captain. Although, that may have something to do with the fact that he lets her do something other than relaying messages all day.)  
She personally found the match enjoyable because she saw the man who was trying to steal her boyfriend get his ass kicked. The fact that the ass kicking was being done by said boyfriend was just a bonus.  
Since the game went so badly, she assumed there would be no rematch. Although her boyfriend was normally an excellent teacher, when it came to chess he had no patience to teach. Back when she was first attracted to Spock, she tried to play against him to get his attention. That went badly. After their first game lasted a grand total of 3 minutes and 15 seconds, he recommended a nice computer program that she could play against to improve her skills. That was the last time she ever played chess against Spock. (She remembered Spock's then boyfriend watching from the sidelines laughing hysterically at the girl who was trying to take his boyfriend from him. Her grandmother always said ‘what goes around comes back around.’)  
She was expecting Spock to do the exact same thing this time around. Of course, he doesn't do that. He actually teaches Kirk how to play chess. This tells her that maybe she was right the first time when she assumed the tension between the two was sexual in nature.  
Three days later, when she and Spock were supposed to be having a date night, she watched Spock explained the history of every single piece in excruciating detail in the privacy of Spock's quarters. (She's positive she's invited just so they can prove to her that nothing is actually going on and she's being a completely illogical jealous girlfriend. By the end of the first night, she knows her logic is sound even if her boyfriend is still in denial.)  
After the tutorial, Kirk manages to stay in the game for 22 minutes and 14 seconds before Spock wins. At this point, she is tired of watching from the sidelines and decides to play Kirk herself. He wins the game in 16 minutes and 22 seconds. Part of her mind wonders if this game is symbolic in some way.  
Seven days later after a mission that left her completely drained, she wanted to do nothing more than to drink a real glass of wine and have ‘boyfriend time’. (In the interest of keeping this reflection clean, she will not go into details about ‘boyfriend time’. Let's just say it's quite fun and very stimulating. At least, it was until she started wondering if Spock was thinking about Kirk as he comes, but that deserves its own rant.)  
The only good thing about the last mission was she was able to save the day because she could speak the native language without the aid of the universal translator. If she didn't force her way onto the away team her boyfriend and her captain would still be in prison. Due to insufficient information in the report sent to the ship by Starfleet, they accidentally beamed down to a planet that was slightly technophobic and extremely xenophobic. They were all thrown into prison the moment the planet leaders saw five humans holding tricorders wandering around. (Even with the pointy ears, the leaders considered Spock human.)  
Her plans to unwind with good wine and a hot boyfriend were dashed by a captain with a chess board. Actually, it was her boyfriend that suggested they play chess. It was Kirk who invited her to watch the entire fiasco. She sat on her boyfriend's bed with that glass of real wine as she watched Spock explain chest strategy as if they were going into battle against a Klingon armada.  
The night would have been so much more enjoyable if her boyfriend actually kicked Kirk's ass in the game. Although Spock still won, Kirk was improving greatly with each game. The first game lasted 46 minutes before the captain lost. The second game lasted 52 minutes. During the third game, they forgot they had an audience for a moment and almost started talking about something that was too classified for her to hear.  
During that particular game she fall asleep and did not wake up until hours later when Spock wakes her up after Jim sneaks back to his room through the connecting bathroom.  
She decided to sleep in her own bed alone that night. (If Spock thinks he's getting sex after spending four hours ‘not-flirting’ with Jim he is out of his overly intelligent mine. She may be being mature about this whole situation, but she refuses to be that mature.)  
\---  
Over the next three weeks, their evening boyfriend/girlfriend time was preempted five times for Spock and Jim chess match time. Again, it was her boyfriend who was planning these matches during the time they should be together.  
One of the only positive things to come out of this was she had a lot more time to study new languages. She usually sat on Spock's bed watching the two as they play while she drank a glass of wine and went through a computer program for the language of the planet they were visiting next.  
She must be a masochist to sit there and watched the two playing each other or more accurately flirt with each other with the use of chess pieces. She finds the whole situation frustrating but not for the reasons that one might expect. (At least once, every time they play chest together she has the urge to throw a pillow at Spock or Jim.) She is more frustrated by the fact that Spock is denying he has feelings for Kirk, than the fact that he has non-platonic feelings for the man. It would just be so much easier if her boyfriend (should she even be calling him that anymore) would confirm what she has been seeing for the last few months.  
The day after the eighth time he blew off their ‘date night’ to play chess with Jim she finally confronts him at breakfast. His response is, "You were the one who expressed distress regarding our constant arguing. I thought you would be pleased that we are taking steps to alleviate the tension between myself and the captain."  
At that moment, she was torn between laughing hysterically and slapping him upside the head. Was he actually blaming her for his behavior? Was he truly that unaware of what was going on between him and the captain? Did he really believe that he and Jim were only forming a friendship? Then she remembered that it took him almost a year to catch on that she was interested in him as more than her instructor.  
She did not want to explain what would truly be necessary for the two of them to alleviate their tension and why exactly this bothered her. (Honestly, it did not bother her as much as it should have and she was not sure why.)  
However, she felt it was best to let him know what was really going on. His response to her accusations was, "I find the logic of your argument unsound." His tone was normal but his right eyebrow twitched for 1.2 seconds and he made a conscious effort not to look at her.  
This is what her boyfriend did when he was lying to her by omission. He said her logic was unsound. He didn't say her argument was untrue. Nothing about her boyfriend's feelings for Jim was logical. Truth and logic were not synonymous with each other. The term logic should never be mentioned in association with anything involving Jim Kirk anyway.  
After that, she was too angry to continue eating breakfast with him. She departed so abruptly that she left the PADD she was working on at the table. Five minutes later, when she returned to get it, she sees Kirk sitting in her seat. She decides to get the PADD later. It wouldn't be professional for her to throw a bagel at her boyfriend (?) in front of the entire crew.


	6. Jim Sign Three: He Lets Spock See the Real James Kirk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Very dark chapter

Most individuals only permit others to see what they want them to see. You are essentially the person people assume you are, not the person you truly are. This is just an unpleasant fact.  
Dr. McCoy is perceived as the grumpy doctor who drinks half of flask of whiskey before breakfast. Chekov is supposedly that bizarre Russian kid with the heavy accent that makes half of what he says undecipherable. Sulu is apparently that guy who is into fencing and gazes at Chekov just a little too much.  
According to those working under her she is an over controlling perfectionist (bitch) who will force you to go over everything three times just because she could. Theoretically, Spock is the embodiment of Vulcan control never showing any emotions whatsoever. This hypothesis was proven false after the infamous "bridge incident". Eventually, most assumptions are proven false. We are all more than what we allow others to see.  
Although she is just starting to learn about the other individuals on the main bridge crew and the doctor she knows that there are more than the stereotypes that people see them as. Dr. McCoy is not just a grumpy doctor. Chekov is not just the Russian kid. Sulu isn't just the fencing guy. Contrary to popular belief she is not a perfectionist or a bitch, she merely doesn't want anybody dead because someone on her team mistranslated the latest intercepted transmission. (She's gone to enough memorial services recently to last a lifetime.)  
She knows for a fact that Spock has shown emotions on occasions beyond the "bridge incident". (Although 90% of these incidents have happened in the six months since the battle of Vulcan. More accurately the majority of these instances have occurred since the beginning of his acquaintance with James Tiberius Kirk.)  
James Kirk is no exception to this rule. From their first encounter three and a half years ago she perceived him as this brash idiot who couldn't go more than 30 seconds without hitting on someone. That opinion didn't change much when she found him underneath the bed of her roommate Gaila (RIP). She thought he was a complete asshole after the Kobayashi Maru incident. (Even now she can't see him eat anything resembling an apple without the sudden urge to throw something at him. However, that may be connected to the fact that he has a crush on her boyfriend.)  
After he helped to save earth, he became the brash young hero who would hit on anything in a skirt. (Most people were unaware that the skirt part of that statement is somewhat inaccurate. She's pretty sure it is not a conscious choice on his part. Even in 2258, everyone assumes that all heroes must prescribe to the hyper masculine heterosexual stereotype.)  
Even though he is a good captain, he still does things on a daily basis that reinforced everybody's stereotypical perception of him. Often, it appeared that he went into a situation without looking or thinking. He acts like he's not smart enough to understand half the words in his briefing material for the next mission. He is perceived to flirt with every woman on the ship. (Only those who can accept, it see what's going on between him and Spock.) He also does things on a regular basis that proved his ego is bigger than most planets they visit. Everyone assumed the term humility should never be used in relation to James T. Kirk.  
The truth is he's none of these things and all of these things. She knew this was done on purpose. What they all see was a carefully crafted image that is merely an illusion and that Jim lets very few individuals see beyond his façade. (This surprises her because she was under the impression that he didn't care about what anyone thought about him.) One of the few individuals that got to see behind the pretense is Spock.  
It begins during the "working lunches" where he would share little tidbits about his childhood that he told no one else about except for maybe the doctor. He told stories about being shuffled between aunts and uncles as a toddler when his mom went back into space or playing checkers with his brother before he disappeared. (In her grief, Jim's mom bans the game of chess from their house. She would not discover that fact until after she suggested that he plays the game with his first officer.)  
Jim would share stories with Spock about how he hated school because he was "the smart kid". He talked about being bored to death at school. (High IQ plus under stimulation equals very bad things. This probably explains why Jim became "the only genius level repeat offender in the Midwest".) He talked about how much he hated bringing a smashed Frank to father son activities. Jim told both her and Spock about how he drove his father's car into a manmade cavern. He also told the two of them about how Jim's mom didn't even bother coming back to earth after that incident or a few months later when his brother left permanently.  
At this point, she wondered if she should even be listening. Nyota didn't know if it was appropriate to hear about how during his entire first year at the academy everywhere he went he heard whispers about him being the boy who was born in space after his dad died saving 800 people. She knew right away that these anecdotes were not for her benefit. Jim was letting Spock see beyond the mask not her. After hearing all these stories it made it harder for her to hate him just because he had a crush on her boyfriend.  
\---  
The material that Kirk shared started to become more personal when Spock started tutoring Jim in the game of chess.  
"Chess was banned in my house because my dad used to play. Personally, I'm surprised mom let us have a checkerboard in the house. Not that she was ever there. She couldn't tolerate anything that reminded her of dad. Did you know that she had the color of my eyes changed just so I wouldn't look like him as much? Maybe that's the real reason she was going to let Frank sell dad's car." Kirk said to his first officer in explanation of why he never played the game before.  
"A simple "I have never played the game of chess before" would have sufficed." Spock said in his usual tone of voice. His eyes told her that the story made him feel sadness on Jim’s behalf, just like her.  
"Isn't that my line?" Jim said trying to break the tension. At that Spock raised his right eyebrow 2.1 MM.  
"How could any particular phrase be considered a line of a specific individual when there's no script involved in this particular conversation?" She personally had to stifle a giggle at that. Did her boyfriend really think she and Kirk were still falling for his "I don't understand human vernacular" routine?  
"Never mind Spock." Jim said with a smile that was only meant for Spock to see. "I want you to know why. Let's just play." His voice was very quiet as he said this. Those words were the last thing Jim said before being destroyed on the chessboard in less than two minutes.  
Other than the stories, the fact that Jim was willing to not be good at something in front of a room filled with crew members showed that James Kirk was much more humble than people thought. He was not that upset when Spock kicked his ass two more times that night on the chessboard.   
XXXX  
When the match moved locations, the conversations got much more intense. Kirk was on the verge of tears a couple of times when he talked about how his mom never made one parents weekend at the academy or how no one from his family bothered to show up for his commendation ceremony.  
"I at least expected Frank to show up. Although, I guess being in rehab again is a good excuse. Sometimes, I think he's the only real parent I ever had. Maybe that's why I hated him so much, besides the drinking problem. He was an ass when he was drunk." Jim said as he made his move.  
"Trust me I get it. I hated my stepmom because she wasn't my real mom in the beginning. My real mom wasn't my real mom either. In my family she was the one who enjoyed the hard lemonade." She said in a whisper without even looking up from her PADD. She didn't like talking about her family. Normally, she made up some happy story, but not tonight.  
"I was unaware you had a stepmother. On the occasions I met your mother and father, they gave no indication that they were divorced. They behaved amicably around each other and engaged in what you refer to as PDAs." Of course he didn't know. She'd never told him about her mom. What does it say about her when she doesn't let Spock see the real her when Kirk does?  
"The woman you met is my stepmom. My biological mom never came to visit. I'm not sure if she even acknowledges I exist anymore. She wasn't very happy when I decided to join Starfleet. My stepmom was the one who defended my decision to the entire family. She was the one who supported me. That's why I call her my mom now."  
"It was the same with Frank before he went into rehab for the first time. Frank was a mean alcoholic. Eventually it got better after we stopped hating each other automatically and he stopped living in the bottle." Jim said this only looking at Spock.  
"A couple of years ago on one of those rare occasions that my mom was actually planet side during December, I decided to bring my current boyfriend home." Although, she was aware that Kirk was bisexual apparently Spock was not. He actually dropped the chess piece that he was holding. That was the Vulcan equivalent of passing out in shock.  
"Mom was furious. She kept talking about how upset dad would be to discover his youngest son was a… I refuse to repeat the word that she said. What she said pissed off Frank and he started yelling at her. Frank knew about me being bisexual since I was 16 and I just assumed that he told her. However, he never did because he knew she would react like that. I actually overheard him say that he loved me regardless of who I was, unlike his dead brother who was a closet homophobe. That was the first I heard Frank say that he loved me since he stopped being my uncle and became my stepdad. It took 23 years, but we finally came to an understanding."  
XXXX  
After what she is referring to as the "breakfast incident" a few days later she stopped coming to the chess matches. She just couldn't deal with it anymore. She’d rather lock herself in her room then keep watching. At least that was the plan until a certain captain requested that she come back.  
He essentially wanted her to become their chaperone. He argued that as long as she was there they wouldn't do something stupid like tried to kill each other. She personally thought it was so they would not jump each other. When she tells him this he laughs and says, "This wouldn't be a problem if you just agreed to a threesome."  
Fortunately for him, he ran away before she could do something that would get her court-martialed. Yet, she still decided to go back. She blames the smile.  
Some may wonder why she continued sitting there on Spock's bed drinking a glass of wine as she watched Jim and Spock be Jim and Spock. The answer is complicated.  
Part of it has to do with the fact that as long as she is there she knows that things are not going to escalate beyond deep conversations and penetrating glances. If she's not there her mind can come up with a million worse things that could be happening.  
The second reason is she really doesn't have a lot of other real friends anymore. At least, not the type she can drink a glass of wine with and scream about her idiotic boyfriend or her captain with. Most of her real friends are dead. They all died the day Vulcan did.  
At the academy, she had three good friends beside Spock. All three were stationed on the ship she was supposed to be on. Not one survived the battle. She did not tell anybody about the pain or survivor's guilt she was feeling.  
She needed to be the strong one. Her boyfriend lost his mom and his entire planet. She didn't have time to mourn her three best friends. Therefore she locked the pain inside of her and focused on being the best chief communications officer ever.  
She didn't try to make more friends because she didn't think she could take another Starfleet memorial service if they were taken away from her. She was nice to everyone when possible but she kept everyone at arm's length. No one really saw the real her any more, not even Spock. The only time she ever really talked about anything was when her rival would engage her in conversation.  
As much as she tried to hate Jim, the more she saw the real James Kirk she almost considered him a friend. At the very least, she didn't hate him. It was almost as if she felt he deserved to be happy after everything that happened. She just didn't want that happiness to come at the expense of her own happiness.


	7. Spock Sign Four: He Only Tells His Secrets to Jim

Sometimes you do not notice something until it's too late. She always assumed she and Spock were good at communicating with each other in the pre Jim days. At the academy, he was her best friend who she just happened to be sleeping with. Back then, they use to tell each other everything and it was only after he started to like Jim that the lines of communication broke apart.  
She will admit it to herself that she became jealous of the closeness between Jim and Spock even before she was aware it was more than friendship. She was envious of the way that they could yell at each other and still understand the other person. She hated the way they could have conversations with each other without saying a word. She never had that with Spock herself.  
When she realized Jim and Spock were becoming more than just friends, she became more conscious of just how much her ‘boyfriend’ was willing to share with ‘his James’. Jim knew about aspects of Spock's childhood that she didn't. Until recently, she didn't know about the intensity of Spock's teasing by his peers for being ‘genetically impure’. Up until a week ago, she didn't know the real reason why Spock joined Starfleet. He told her some half-truth about wanting to be different. She learned about Spock's concern that his mom didn't know that he loved her when he told Jim about this during their most recent chess match. Actually, all the things she has learned about her boyfriend recently were gleaned from conversations he was having with Jim.  
The greatest of these conversations was when Jim got Spock to talk about his first time. (Although she must confess, a chocolate martini or three was involved.) Contrary to what she was led to believe before, it wasn't with her. Apparently, she was just his first time with a woman. She should have known better because first, he was too skilled that first time for a virgin. Second, when they first met he was dating the chess nerd.  
She wasn't sure who was more shocked, her or Jim. Her mouth was on the floor because Spock shared anything that personal with anyone. (A few minutes later, she was somewhat upset at the fact that he didn't share this with her earlier.)  
Jim actually knocked over the chessboard when Spock said his first time was with a guy named Jordan. (There goes her plan to keep Jim away by making him think Spock only liked girls.) Jim fell out of his chair when he realized that they actually slept with the same person. Kirk responded with, "You were the cold hearted emotionless dick of an ex boyfriend who left him for the pushy female student who kept throwing herself at him. He hated you for that”. That got him the death glare, because she did not throw herself at Spock. (At least, that is what she told herself.)  
Giving him the death glare was probably why he said the next thing. "Spock, you are the one who taught him how to do the thing with the tongue. It is always the quiet ones." This is the last thing Kirk said before he excused himself and disappeared in to the shared bathroom for 15 minutes. (She has a good idea what he was doing in there but won't say it out loud. She knew exactly what thing with the tongue he was referring to and she missed it greatly. Although, there was no way Spock was getting any from her if he continued looking at the captain's rear end. The look on Spock's face was another sign that her ‘boyfriend’ loved his captain in a not platonic way.)  
These recent incidents were enough to make her ask herself why Spock was willing to share these things with ‘his James’ but not her. At this point, she was still trying to blame Jim for the lack of communication between her and Spock. She was trying to blame Jim for everything going wrong in their relationship. Everything was fine before Jim came along. However, she knew that was a lie.  
Not only was Jim able to get Spock to confess to things that he normally kept quiet about, he was able to get her to admit to things she never told Spock about before. For the first time, she talked about her parents' divorce and her stepmom who was more of a mother to her then the woman that gave birth to her. For the first time since their deaths over six months ago, she shared antidotes about her friends who died during the battle of Vulcan. She even told Jim that he was the fifth ‘boyfriend’ of Gaila she caught in their shared dorm room that week alone.  
Part of her wished she could go back to that week before everything fell apart. She wished she could go back to that time when her friends were still alive and Spock still had a mom who lived on a planet that still existed. She wished she could go back to a time when her and Spock's relationship was still healthy and they still talk to each other.   
\---  
Three days ago, the ship received a private communication from Spock's father. For the rest of the day, Spock seemed to withdraw from everyone. (Even by Spock standards he was withdrawing from everyone, including her.) He did not eat lunch with the captain that day. That told her immediately something was severely wrong. She expected Spock to tell her what was going on that night. He never came by her quarters. (Spock was coming by less and less lately anyway.) He did not eat breakfast with her or Jim the next morning. By lunch that afternoon, Spock was still avoiding both of them.  
She was so worried this led to a very strange conversation between her and her rival/friend. (To see why she consider the guy trying to sleep with her boyfriend (?) a friend/enemy see part three of her dark reflection on her captain and the Vulcan he loves (?).)  
"Whatever Sarek told him yesterday must have been bad. Spock is usually never this withdrawn. Did he tell you anything?" She was a little sad to acknowledge that he was more likely to know what was going on than her.  
"He just said that his father called to discuss something with him and it wasn't of any importance." Jim responded as he took another drink of his coffee.  
"You don't believe that?" She asked him quietly.  
"Not at all, I will see if I can get him to tell me tonight. Do you mind not coming to tonight's chess game?" It was a sad state of affairs when they both realized that Spock was more likely to tell him what was going on than her.  
\---  
They were both right. Spock told Jim everything that happened during their chess game. However, Jim would not tell her.  
"It's nothing bad. It is just something he's not ready to tell you about." Yet Spock had no problem talking to James about it. He had no problem whatsoever telling Kirk his secrets.  
That night she was tired of waiting for Spock to come to her and decided to contact the one person close to Spock that might actually provide her with some answers. (At the time she didn't think to use her clearance level to access the recording of Spock's conversation with his father. She would later regret not taking that approach.)  
A couple of months ago at a diplomatic dinner, she discovered that Spock had a grandfather that he never told her about that he happened to be named Spock. The resemblance was uncanny. Her Spock looked like he was a younger version of Grandfather Spock. It was almost like he was a clone.  
She was angry when she found out that her ‘boyfriend’ kept the existence of his grandfather from her.  
"I thought you told me your grandparents were dead. I thought Vulcans didn't lie." She said in anger after they left the formal dining area.  
"I did not lie to you." He said to her in his normal expressionless way. The tone of his voice stayed steady and his face state still.  
"What, did your grandfather just appear out of nowhere? Do you have any other family members that you are not telling me about? Maybe you have a brother stashed away somewhere that you never told me about." Spock's body became completely rigid during her rant before he left her in the hallway without any response whatsoever. She still wasn't sure exactly what that meant.  
\---  
Grandfather or Ambassador Spock served as the liaison between the new colony and the Federation. In this capacity, he contacted the ship on occasion to speak with his grandson or the captain. Usually they would talk to each other for a moment or two before she transferred the call to the appropriate area. Nyota would ask him questions about Spock's childhood and for once she was provided with real answers. Again, she found out how much she did not know about her boyfriend.  
She knew that Ambassador Spock would know what family news had made her boyfriend so upset. Her assumption was proven correct when she spoke with him. Apparently, the younger Spock's father was getting remarried and her Spock was not happy. She didn't understand why Spock didn't tell her. Spock was now aware that she was the flower girl at her father’s second wedding. Ambassador Spock slipped up by saying Spock the junior was upset because his father was taking a wife instead of utilizing other means to deal with the upcoming situation.  
That was when she forced Spock the senior to tell her what that situation was. He refused to tell her at first, arguing that it was not spoken about to non-Vulcans unless they were directly involved. Then she pointed out the fact that she was dating his grandson and had a right to know. He was somewhat shocked by that statement but preceded to tell her the truth. That was when she was introduced to the concept of pon farr and the fact that her ‘boyfriend’ was slightly less than married to some other woman named T'Pring up until her death six months ago.  
She could accept the biological need to have sex or die better than she could accept the fact that her boyfriend of several years was engaged to another person for the majority of their relationship and never told her. She told Grandfather Spock that she didn't believe him. Unfortunately, she made the mistake of expressing her disbelief with the wrong question, "Why would Spock have a boyfriend when we first met if he was engaged to someone else?"  
Apparently, Spock's grandfather didn't know about Jordan or the fact that Spock was bisexual. His reaction was to raise both eyebrows as high as possible. This was another manifestation of Vulcan shock. Personally, she was contemplating the statistical probability of her being able to kill her Vulcan ‘boyfriend’.  
She decided not to question why she was so upset about the former fiancé, when she was for all intents purposes watching Spock fall in love with someone else passively. She was too angry to care at that point.  
She used the code Spock gave her to enter into his cabin without even requesting entrance. It was a good thing he was off duty because this scene was going to happen now no matter where he was. At that moment, she wished they had an old fashion door that she could slam. She needed to break something.  
‘Who the fuck is T'Pring?’ At least that's what she wanted to say. She calmed down a little and the question came out as, "Who is T'Pring?" How she managed her voice to come out so calmly, she had no idea. She was too upset to use the correct tense. Spock was smart enough at that moment not to point that out to her.  
"How did you become aware of her?" Spock asked her calmly as he placed his chess piece on the board. The tone of his voice gave away no distress.  
"I just had the most interesting conversation with your grandfather. When were you going to tell me that you were bonded to someone? If she didn't die, were you going to wait until pon farr occur to tell me that you were leaving me for some other woman? I assume that was what you were planning to do because you never told me about your biological need to have sex or die. Having a biological need to mate is something most individuals discuss with their partner." Inside she was angry but she stayed cold on the outside. She would not let him see the reaction he was causing.  
"How do you know about Pon Farr? It is something we do not speak to non-Vulcans about." Again, his demeanor showed no distress.  
"Blame your grandfather. He actually thought I had a right to know since we were-I mean we are dating. Not that you told him about that. He didn't know about Jordan either. Were we all just your dirty little secrets until you took your proper Vulcan wife?"  
That night for the first time, he told the truth about T'Pring. He became bonded to T'Pring at age seven. She became slightly calmer when she discovered it was an arranged marriage for political reasons. The bond was dissolved when he decided to join Starfleet. T'Pring did not want to be married to someone who was so rebellious and human like. Nyota's anger became sadness when she came to the horrible realization that the communication between her and Spock broke down before James Kirk entered the picture. She wondered if they ever really talk to each other. The situation was made worse when she realized that Jim knew most of the stuff that they were talking about already. He did not look that surprised when Spock mentioned T'Pring's name. He was very surprised when she mentioned that Spock had a grandfather.  
"You never told me you had a grandfather?" The captain asked Spock with a very surprised expression on his face.  
"Now I feel less angry because you never told Jim that Ambassador Spock was your grandfather," she felt smug for a moment until she heard Jim's next confusing words.  
"Why didn't you tell her?"  
"The information is classified and I felt she did not have a need to know." Spock said this as if he forgot she was even in the room.  
"She is your girlfriend. She deserves to know that there is another you from an alternate dimension running around New Vulcan."  
That is when she was let in on the biggest conspiracy in the Federation. The man she assumed to be Spock's grandfather was actually an older version of her ‘boyfriend’ from a different reality. The crazy story was too much for her to take and she returned to her quarters to think.  
\--  
On the way back to her quarters, that night, she stopped blaming all of their relationship problems on Spock falling in love with Kirk. The lack of trust and the communication difficulties have existed longer than she cares to admit. It was not all Spock's fault. She kept things inside just as much as he did, especially in these last few months.  
As she continued to meditate on the situation, she remembered a time when they really did communicate with each other. In the beginning of their relationship when he was still with Jordan and the only time they really hung out was during their working lunches they talked all the time. They really talked to each other back then and at some point, he became her best friend. She missed that time more than anything else. Boyfriends come and go. She can accept that. However, if she is truly honest with herself what she treasured the most was their friendship.  
Now she wondered if that was gone for good as well. She really does love what they had before they were lovers. She misses that friendship. She is well aware that the romantic relationship was disintegrating quickly. She wondered if things were too far gone to salvage a friendship out of this mess. She just can't lose another friend. She doesn't have that many left and she is just not ready to make new ones.  
\--  
The next night after realizing why she absolutely hated gamma shift, she receives another transmission from Grandfather Spock or rather the other Spock.  
"I guess I really can't refer to you as Spock's grandfather anymore." She said looking at the screen. He was close enough that they could do a video conference.  
"I assume you are now aware of my true identity?"  
"Yes," It was all she said because she wasn't sure if the transmission was encrypted or not.  
"I assure you the transmission is sufficiently encrypted." He told her without prompting.  
"You know me too well for someone who has only spoken to me a few times. I should have known this was our second life time together. Were you and the other me together in the other reality?" It was a question that has been on her mind a lot recently. She did not have time to hedge.  
"You were a dear friend but it never went beyond that. Even though T'Pring and I were not very close, I did not want to betray my commitment to her. Apparently, my counterpart did not have that problem." She was not that surprised to find out in the other dimension her and Spock were only friends. That made her decision to re-cultivate their friendship before dissolving the romantic relationship, seem like the most logical thing to do.  
"Spock's relationship with T'Pring was dissolved before he entered Starfleet. Jordan was just a reaction to the situation with his-your father being upset about the dissolved bond. You will have to get the details from him. Unfortunately, he is probably too busy with Jim at the moment to talk to you." She was a little upset when she said this. Just because she accepted the end of her relationship with Spock, does not mean she can completely accept him being in love with Jim.  
"The more things that are different about this reality, the more things seem the same." She wondered what he meant by that. Then she got it.  
"What was your relationship with your Jim in the other time line?" She realized she was opening Pandora's Box at that moment, but didn't care. She needed to know. When she mentioned Jim's name, his eyes had the same look that her Spock had whenever he and Jim were around each other. But it was slightly different. There was this hint of sadness that tainted his expression.  
"We had a friendship together that defined both of us." That's when she noticed this Spock made the same expression her Spock made when he was lying by omission. His voice adopted the same tone and his eyebrow moved in the exact same way.  
"You're not telling me the entire truth. Were you and your Jim lovers?" That is obviously what he's keeping from her.  
"It is not always best for someone to know their future."  
"I think I have a right to know."  
"Things are different in this timeline," he explained.  
"They're not that different."  
"Do you really want an answer to your question?"  
"No," she told him in a barely audible whisper. It is one thing to suspect something but it is another thing to know it will happen with absolute certainty. Maybe it is best that she doesn't know for sure. For once, this was something she didn't want to hear from Spock, even if it was not her Spock.


	8. Jim Sign Four: He Enjoys Eliciting Public Displays of Affection (PDAs) and Public Displays of Emotion (PDEs) from Spock. (The Back Rub Incident)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, there is a reinterpretation of probably the most infamous scene from the original series. I was originally going to write it differently until watching the episode of The Ships Closet on YouTube that dealt with that scene.
> 
> Keep in mind this is an adaptation not a reenactment. Also, remember that in this story Jim and Spock are not in the closet.

Most people are content with getting the object of their affection to show some outward display of affection. A brush of the fingers, a kiss on the cheek, or even a gentle squeezing of their hands could signal affection. (Although in Vulcan culture, two of those are considered obscene gestures. Fortunately or unfortunately, Spock has adopted more human views on sexuality.)  
Of course, Jim Kirk is not most people. He prefers emotions to outward signs of affection. The longer she knows him the more she realizes that he sees physical manifestations of affection as meaningless from most people. She has a feeling this is connected to him being "raised" by a woman who was around just long enough to hug and kiss him during shore leave but was emotionally closed off at all other times. Maybe she was lucky that even though she had a screwed up biological mom, she had a stepmom who loved her unconditionally, even when she was being a brat.  
She could come up with a list of 20 individuals on this ship alone who wanted to sleep with their captain and he would ignore all of them. (This does not include a certain almost ex-boyfriend). Because she no longer sees Jim Kirk as a playboy, Nyota knows he's well aware that there's a difference between love and sex. She knows Jim is looking for more than just sexual gratification. Just because someone makes you scream their name in ecstasy at that certain moment, doesn't mean they actually care about you. She knows Jim craves real love just as much as anyone else, even if he tries to hide it.  
When she accepted that Kirk wasn't just trying to sleep with Spock but actually cultivate a real relationship, she started to see some of the crazy things he did in a new light. The arguments on the bridge, the long conversations over paperwork, and the thinly veiled double entendres at any given time were purposely designed to get some sort of reaction out of a certain Vulcan first officer.  
She knew that Kirk desired public displays of emotion (PDE) from Spock. She desired that too, but it seems that Kirk is much better at eliciting this than she ever was. From the beginning of their acquaintance, Kirk could elicit an emotional response from Spock. (She was the one who had to listen to the Vulcan equivalent of an angry rant when Kirk cheated on Spock's precious test. That was the first time in their entire relationship she actually saw him visibly angry. Every time he said "cadet Kirk" his left eyebrow twitched a little and his voice went up slightly.)  
In the beginning, Jim tried to elicit anger now he was going for sympathy with stories about a childhood so screwed up that she feels sorry for him. (See sign three of her Jim reflection.) She is absolutely positive he was most interested in eliciting the emotion of lust/love from Spock. However, that will be discussed later on.  
For example when he was trying to elicit anger, a few choice words regarding Spock's inability to show emotion regarding his mother had Spock bending Jim over a consul with his hands wrapped around Jim's neck. The only person who could break Spock out of his trance was his father. (Although she tells herself that she does not agree with Ensign Thompson's interpretation of the "bridge incident", she is now willing to admit that after he stopped choking their now captain he behaved in the same way he did after "physical release".)  
She is well aware that she cannot make Spock respond like that. Not that she wants to become a victim of domestic violence, but something more than complete indifference would be nice. At this point, she would appreciate a good eyebrow twitch or maybe a slight change in the tone of his voice. Anything to actually show he felt something for her.  
Last week she discovered that her ‘boyfriend’ kept many things from her such as a biological need to have sex or die, a former fiancé, and the existence of an alternate self from an alternate universe that she was led to believe was his grandfather. (The last thing she could forgive him for because technically it was classified information that she has only had the clearance to hear for about two months. However, she wasn't planning on telling him that anytime soon.)  
When she confronted Spock about it, he stood there calmly explaining everything he neglected to mention during the course of their relationship. His voice stayed calm and even the entire time as the words flowed from his mouth. There was no hint of anger or irritation in his tone. His facial expressions stay cold and stoic. (For details on why she's now convinced that Vulcans are the best liars in the galaxy see part four of her reflection on a guy who is her friend sometimes who she used to sleep with.)  
When Kirk yelled at him for not telling her about the true identity of, ‘Grandfather Spock’ that passion came out. The tone of his voice changed. His eyebrows were raised as far as possible as his breathing pattern changed slightly. Where she failed, Jim succeeded. This is another sign of the inevitable.  
\---  
She's not delusional enough to believe her captain does not crave physical attention from the object of his affection and her current annoyance. He just happens to crave both and only from him. She stopped counting how many times Jim initiated ‘accidental’ direct hand-to-hand contact on the bridge with Spock. During the last chess game that she attended before the, ‘Grandfather Spock incident’, Kirk brush fingers with Spock 16 times. (Yes, she actually counted.)  
Another common feature of these chess matches was a certain captain complaining of ‘severe back pain’ in an attempt to get a massage. No one would think that a guy as comfortable with himself as James Kirk would have to come up with flimsy pretenses to get a certain object of his desire to touch him. One would think someone as smart as James Kirk could come up with something less obvious. Even a toddler could see through this.  
She severely doubted that his ‘old bar room brawl injuries’ always acted up when they were playing chess or when the three of them were planning for the next mission. She was not that stupid. Thankfully neither is his first officer. Every time he pulled that stunt he would suggest that he goes see Dr. McCoy. She would usually just throw a pillow at him under the pretense it would make him more comfortable.  
Honestly, she shouldn't be that surprise that he tried to pull off this stunt on the bridge today on the first day in a week that she's had the same shift with the two of them. In less than 24 hours they would be going on there first shore leave since beginning this mission. If anybody needed shore leave, it was her. Maybe spending four days away from those two will give her time to figure out how to break up with somebody that you have to live with for the next four and a half years and still be able to re-cultivate the friendship they use to have. (She is starting to understand why relationships on board ships between people who have close working relationship are frowned upon, if not prohibited.)  
It all began innocently enough with Ensign Thompson forcing the captain to sign off on any last minute decisions that needed to be made before they made it to their shore leave destination. Brittany was the poor soul who ended up on ‘captain paperwork enforcement duty’.  
They didn't trust their captain's assistant or even Spock to actually get him to do all necessary paperwork in time to actually transmit it to Starfleet when needed. Therefore every week she assigned one person from her team to ‘gently’ remind their captain to process all necessary paperwork in a timely way. (As she discovered earlier, getting to do a rushed paper work session with Spock is motivation enough to get Kirk to not do his paperwork.)  
Ensign Thompson's efforts to have the captain approved the necessary modifications to the ship that would occur during shore leave was disrupted by a certain first officer. As soon as he and Spock started talking to each other about why things fell apart on the last mission, he forgot all about Brittany's existence. (Her personal opinion was the last mission went wrong because they chose the one person on her team that cannot decipher between the two dialects of the native language spoken on the planet and thus relied too heavily on the universal translator. This is entirely all the captain's fault for making her work gamma shift for the last week.)  
The moment Spock stepped behind him he decided to put the ever so innocent ‘please help me because my back hurts’ routine into motion. She couldn't believe he actually tried this on a bridge filled with people who were already taking bets on when the two would actually sleep together. Oh wait; this is Jim Kirk she is talking about. Of course, he would do something this stupid on the bridge. He purposely made eye contact with her before beginning his latest blatant attempt to flirt with Spock or rather get Spock to touch him.  
She was personally waiting for Spock to suggest he go see Dr. McCoy or have a nice warm shower with real water. She was not expecting Ensign Thompson to start massaging his back. She was pretty sure she saw Brittany mouth the words, "Would you please stop hitting on your Vulcan and signed the damn paperwork," before she began. Brittany was pretty much willing to do anything if it meant she could get back to her real job and stop babysitting the paperwork (captain).  
The captain's response to her actions was, "that's it, a little bit harder". That was followed by a moan of pleasure that anybody could pick up on and that special look in his eyes that is only reserved for Spock.  
She knows that he think Spock is the one touching him. How stupid can he be? If this stunt does not work in the privacy of one of their quarters why would it work on the bridge? He really is an idiot. Her suspicions are confirmed when he says Spock's name preceded by the word harder. Two of the other members of the "we know they belong together society" started to desperately stifle laughter. Laughing at your superior officer getting shot down by his Vulcan crush is just not professional. However, it was very entertaining.   
It probably didn't help that a certain almost ex boyfriend of hers rolled his eyes in an ever so Vulcan way right when Jim said his name in a very bedroom voice. Even if he wasn't trying for a PDE, he still managed to get one. Although, she is sure annoyance wasn't the emotional response he was looking for. If he ever got Spock to show lust on the bridge, she will personally given in to Jim's threesome suggestion.  
Even she couldn't stifle laughter anymore when moments later when Spock stepped forward just as Kirk said, "you're really good at this." It probably didn't help the situation that their brilliant captain told Brittany to stop touching him as soon as he figured out it was her. Brittany's next words didn't help much either.  
"Sir, can you please sign off on the action memo so I can transmit it and I can leave you and your first officer to do whatever it is you two do. Captain, if you're really in that much pain I can suggest a really good "vibrating massager". It is not as good as what you really want but I'm sure it can help alleviate some of that "tension" you have been suffering lately." Even though she was a constant professional, she could not stop herself from laughing when Brittany said the word tension.  
Everybody in that room who was willing to accept it, knew exactly what Brittany was implying. Of course, she is sure Spock is among those who didn't get it, because he carried on the conversation once Brittany left, as if nothing happened.  
It will be hours later before she would question why her response was laughter and not the urge to punch out her captain. She didn't have time to meditate on that because she accidentally overheard a very interesting conversation between her captain and his first officer.  
"I told you it would work. Although, I think it would have worked better if you actually touched me. I thought you agree to go along with my plan?" She heard Kirk say to Spock as they were in the hallway.  
"Your goal was to elicit an emotional response from Nyota. Even without me participating in the manner you preferred, you were still successful." Now, she was really confused. Why was Jim trying to elicit an emotional response from her when Spock is his normal target?  
"Yes, but I wasn't expecting laughter. Most people respond with anger or throw things when someone is trying to hit on their boyfriend."  
That's when she realizes she didn't see Spock as her boyfriend anymore. She may still see Spock as a boy who's a friend or even a future ex boyfriend but he's not her boyfriend. He was never really hers as a lover and surprisingly enough that doesn't bother her that much. She was more interested in the fact that Kirk confessed that he consciously made a pass at Spock.  
"Is that what you were trying to do, sir?" At that moment, the captain's dear in headlights expression returned from this afternoon when he realized Brittany was the one giving him the massage.  
"You know what, I have to go. I think Brittany has some more memos that I need to approve." She was shocked that a guy who is not afraid of any enemy, ran away instead of discussing the fact that he made a pass at his first officer. Maybe what was more surprising was the fact that Spock let him go. It seemed like she's the only one that was not in denial anymore. Oh well, it was another thing for her to meditate about on shore leave.


	9. Spock Sign Five: Compatibility

Shore leave is a wonderful thing. It is a time to sit back and reevaluate your life. In all honesty, when she started to realize that her ‘boyfriend’ was falling in love with someone else, she withdrew into her job. Now that she is away from the ship for a few days, she can see things for what they really are.  
As much as she tried to deny it to herself, her relationship was Spock is over in reality if not in name. She came to this conclusion yesterday after witnessing what she is referring to as the ‘back rub incident’. (For details on this incident and information on the other mating habits of her captain regarding his first officer, please see sign four of her other rant regarding this crazy situation.)  
Instead of being angry that her captain made a very obvious pass at the man who was supposed to be her boyfriend she just laughed. Granted the situation was hilarious. However, if she was still in love with Spock shouldn't she be angry? That is when she realized she consciously stopped perceiving Spock as her boyfriend a long time ago.  
As she was receiving a much-needed day of pampering at a local spa, she mentally went over all the reasons why her relationship with Spock was failing. Not all of them can be blamed on her ‘boyfriend’ falling in love with James Kirk.  
The most obvious reason is they don't talk to each other anymore. After the ‘Grandpa Spock’ incident, she is aware that they stopped talking to each other about the time they started sleeping together. Good sex does not compensate for a complete lack of communication. She will admit that their relationship has been lacking this component for a very long time. He didn't talk to her about the death of his mother and she did not talk to him about the deaths of her three best friends.  
Because Spock was her first relationship that lasted more than a few weeks, she really had nothing to compare their ability to communicate to each other with. She couldn't see how bad things were until she had the better communication between Spock and Kirk to compare it to. Their ability to talk to each other surpassed her ability to communicate with Spock by light years. At this point, she didn’t even want to try to cultivate that type of communication with him. She wasn’t even sure it was possible between her and Spock.  
\---  
The second reason that their relationship was falling apart was the sudden lack of public and private displays of physical affection. They were never the type of couple to make out in transporter rooms (except for that one time).  
First, direct hand contact with someone of Vulcan ancestry is somewhat more sexual in nature than if the same contact occurred between two individuals of another Culture. That type of behavior would be inappropriate in public.  
When she went to comfort him after the events involving his mother and the destruction of his planet she pulled him away to a private place before she initiated anything. (She considered the transporter incident a temporary lack of their normal professional behavior due to extenuating circumstances.)  
Then there was the fact that he was an instructor at the academy when she was still a student for the majority of their relationship. Although, by the time they were dating, Spock refused to allow her to be in any of his classes to prevent the illusion of favoritism; their relationship was still frowned upon. Although there are no rules against an instructor dating and adult student specifically, she didn't want to hear classmates insinuating that her ‘talented tongue’ was the only reason why she received high marks and it had nothing to do with her verbal skills. Those types of remarks were still made, it would have been worse if she was actually in Spock's class. (On a positive note, her ability to understand all three dialects of Romulan was directly related to the fact that Spock would not let her take his classes. One semester the only other language class she could take that fit into her schedule was Romulan. She did so well in that class, that she decided to specialize in the language.)  
Even though they usually never made overt gestures to each other in public, there was physical contact between the two of them. Although Spock would never think about giving her a massage in the middle of the bridge, (again see sign four of her reflection on crazy captains who have crushes on Vulcans who can see straight through their crazy schemes.) However, there were some hand holding and gentle kisses that occurred in public between her and Spock.  
That behavior ended about a week into the mission. She assumed they were doing this in the name of professionalism and the desired to stop certain nasty rumors from poisoning the minds of those who worked under her. Only in hindsight, does she realize the PDA stopped about the same time Spock feelings for the captain began.  
She is well aware that Jim became quite uncomfortable every time she and Spock behaved in a way that indicated a romantic relationship. For example Jim almost went into complete shock during the first and only time Spock ever kissed her (the human way) in public while on duty. (Maybe if she wasn't so distracted by the thought of Spock dying she would have picked up on Kirk's jealousy. They say hindsight is 20/20.)  
At the same time, the public displays of affection were disappearing, so were the private ones. They stopped meeting up after shift probably by the end of the third or fourth month. She really tried to blame it all on Jim and Spock's crush on him. She had too much self-respect to sleep with a guy who was sneaking in Vulcan kisses on the bridge.  
Before serving on the Enterprise together, Spock would on occasion discreetly give her Vulcan kisses in public. Yesterday on the bridge, Spock kisses the captain in the Vulcan way four times despite the ‘back rub incident’. It wasn't the first time she's witnessed this behavior. Actually, the first time it happened was when they were playing chess. The fact that it happened didn't shock her. What she found shocking was Spock never informed Kirk of what he really just did.  
She ‘accidentally’ did the same thing early on in their acquaintance and suffered a 15-minute lecture on why you should not make direct hand contact with a Vulcan. When she asked Spock why he didn't give Kirk the same lecture he made some excuse about needing to process all necessary paperwork before the beginning of his next shift. She never mentioned it again, but was when she started spending every night in her own bed.  
\--  
The third reason why their relationship was falling apart was the lack of emotional expression between the two of them. She just couldn't succeed in getting a response out of Spock. No matter how dire the situation was, he never lost control. In the pre Jim days, she could tell herself it was a product of Vulcan socialization. Although he was half-human, Spock was socialized not to express any of his emotions. She told herself that she was fine with this. The truth of the matter was she was never completely okay with it. When they touched and kissed, she felt something from him. She told herself that was enough, but that was a lie. She wanted more than what he could give her. When she discovered that he could express emotions just not for her, it hurt.  
Due to the fact Jim always left his microphone on after doing captain logs, she recently discovered that Spock expressed grief over the loss of his mother in a private conversation with Jim. She assumed he did this because of his feelings for Jim. He could never share that with her.  
Previously, she blamed Jim for the even more blatant emotional distance between her and Spock. During this time of reflection, she realized that she became just as emotionally distant. She hasn't been the same since three of her friends and the majority of her graduating class die that the hands of one emotionally unstable Romulan. She tried to tell herself that the numbness started when she realized that her ‘boyfriend’ was in love with someone else. It began the day Vulcan died and she just used Spock falling in love with James as an excuse.  
If she wasn't so numb inside she would most likely be facing court martial for physically assaulting her captain if nothing else for some of the crazy stuff he did. If she were emotionally healthy, yesterday’s stunt on the bridge involving a certain captain trying to get a certain first officer to give him a back rub would have resulted in her throwing something at least. Instead, she let out a little laugh that in retrospect was probably the most emotion she has shown visibly in almost five months.  
\--  
The fourth reason their relationship was crumbling, was they don't have the same goals. At the academy, they only talked about their career goals. Those were both quite compatible and they both manage to achieve those goals at quite a young age. They never talked about starting a family someday. They had one conversation about the fact that he could get her pregnant, despite being a hybrid thus requiring that they use protection every time they had sex. (In a weird twist, his sperm was actually only compatible with a human egg. Any other combination would require genetic engineering. TMI)  
A few days after last week's incident, they actually sat down and talked about everything calmly and rationally with Jim acting as mediator. At some point partially, due to that particular biological imperative, Spock wanted to get married eventually and she didn't. Spock wanted children and she didn't.  
She could understand this considering so few of his species remain he would need to participate in the repopulation efforts of his species. She just didn't want to help him, despite the fact that her stepmom would love grandchildren.  
She just couldn't see herself leaving her career behind or at the very least putting it on hold to raise a child planet side as any significant other stayed in space. This is of course the moment where Kirk points out every single regulation that allows for both of them to stay in space and raise a child. (Since he was six years old, Jim has been researching regulations that allow children to live with their parents in space.)  
During this discussion, it comes out that Jim's personal goals are much more similar to Spock's than hers are. Oddly enough, she can see the two of them living the modified white picket fence dream in space. At the same time, she can't see herself and Spock being married/bonded with children. It's not the life she wants.  
If anybody could figure out how to raise quarter Vulcan children in space and still command a starship, it would be the two of them. Thanks to breakthroughs in genetic engineering and a willing surrogate mother, the two could have a family together someday.  
XXXX  
The fifth reason why their relationship is falling apart, is the fact that Spock is in love with Jim or at the very least falling in love with Jim. More importantly, he doesn't care about her the way he cares about Jim.  
It's not that he doesn't care about her because she knew he does. For example, if she falls asleep while watching the chess games between him and Jim, he carries her back to her room without waking her up. When she hangs out with him and Kirk, he always replicates her favorite foods, even those that Jim is allergic to. Spock forces her to go to sickbay after away missions go wrong just as he does Jim when he refuses to. Spock did not assign her to active duty on the anniversary of her uncle's death.  
The way he shows affection for her now is similar to the way she would show affection to her friends. It is not the same way he shows affection for Jim. As she looked at the signs already discussed in these reflections, she realized that they show her that he loves Jim as a lover and loves her as a friend.  
She has been trying to understand why this does not bother her. Now she realized she doesn't love him or at the very least she does not love him as a lover. She loves him as a friend. She misses talking with him and hanging out as they did before they were dating. Although the sex was unbelievably good (when they were still having it), she misses the other things more. She came to this conclusion as she thought about all the signs that she's notice so far that tell her that James has deep feelings for Spock. He does things for Spock that she just cannot do. For example, he can share himself with Spock and she just can't. She is just too fucked up at the moment for that.  
All of these things have been going on for a very long time but she ignored them. In isolation, they seemed like nothing. Recent experiences have taught her that things that seem small on their own can mean something entirely different when put with other information. On the micro level, most of these things don't seem to warrant breaking up. Everything but reason number five can be rationalized away if seen in isolation.  
For example, she could interpret Spock's desire to have children as only a response to the diminished population of his species. Maybe if that was the only issue they could come to some sort of compromise later on. However, she has the additional information that Spock and Kirk are much more compatible with each other. She cannot ignore the fact that Jim and Spock would make better parents then her and Spock. She can't ignore the connection between the two of them that was so strong that a crazy Romulan and their own stupidity couldn't prevent it from forming.  
The only logical conclusion is that her relationship with Spock must be terminated officially. She was reluctant to do this for many reasons. The major reason was she wasn't sure how to terminate the relationship in a way that doesn't result in domestic violence and a court martial.  
She could go with a clean break. Considering they usually work around 75% of the same shifts, that would be quite difficult without requesting a ship transfer. She does not want to move to another ship. She loves being on Enterprise. She loves her team and her position. She doubts any other captain will let her go on or even lead the away teams so much. She also doubted any other captain or commanding officer would trust her opinion so much. She enjoyed being consulted on various matters by her captain. She would lose that if she went to another ship.  
Even though the romantic relationship with Spock is going to hell, their professional relationship is stronger than ever. She may not trust him with her heart but she trusts him with her life. Could their professional relationship exist without some other relationship being there? Could they remain friends after they were no longer lovers? More importantly, does Spock even want her friendship? In the back of her mind, she wondered if there’s still space for her in his life in any capacity if he already has his James by his side. Maybe that's why she's so reluctant to end a relationship that has been reduced to name only.  
In addition, how exactly do you break up with someone who you care about, who you don't love, who is falling in love with someone else without realizing it? More importantly, how do you break up with someone who you will have to work with for the next four and a half years? She could really use some good advice right now. Too bad all of her old friends are dead and her only new one is too close to the situation to give her any real insight.  
The other issue is as soon as she breaks up with Spock she knows Jim is going to take her place. Even though she knows he is not the ass that she perceived him as, she is not sure she trusts Jim with Spock's heart. Oh well, that is another thing to think about during her facial.


	10. Jim Sign Five: All The Little Things He Does to Show He Cares. (The Truth Tea Incident)

After six months of dealing with clueless boyfriends and the captains that love said boyfriends but will not admit it if under threat of bloodthirsty enemies, she needed a break. Breaking into laughter when your captain makes a pass at that guy everybody assumes you're dating is a sign that maybe you are just under a bit too much stress.  
The fact that she does not confront Jim or Spock when she discovers it really was a setup just proves she needs to take a step back from the situation. Her epiphany that she no longer considered Spock to be her boyfriend made her realize she needed to figure out how to deal with the Jim and Spock situation. Ignoring it and hoping it will go away isn't working.  
Her goals for shore leave include avoiding the two most oblivious men on any planet or starship as she takes a good hard look at the last six months. After three hours at the spa and two cups of really good tea, she came to the conclusion that her and Spock need to break up for several non Jim Kirk related reasons. This included the fact that her and Spock are just not that compatible with each other and have different goals for their future. The fact that almost every single reason why she needs to terminate her relationship with Spock has a Jim Kirk component is completely irrelevant, as well as, irritating. (For all five reasons why she needs to terminate her relationship with Spock please see her logical discussion on compatibility issues in her other rant about that guy she thought she loved but didn't.)  
After realizing that she and Spock should break up she should have gone back to the ship and get it over with. (Even Jim could not convince him to spend the first day of shore leave actually on shore leave. He did manage to talk Spock into partaking in a simulated war game known as paintball tomorrow.)  
She is not afraid of deciphering an encrypted message in a language she just learned last week during the middle of a hostile battle situation. However, she's absolutely terrified to go up to her boyfriend and talk about her feelings. Maybe that's the real reason why she dated a Vulcan. The species was not exactly known for having heart to hearts.  
Instead, she asks the individual with long orange hair for another cup of the true relaxing tea. The massage therapist recommended it to her when she felt all the tension in her back. It was working quite well.  
Honestly, she was afraid to actually talk about what was going on. Accusing Spock or Jim of having feelings for each other that they are just not ready to admit to is one thing. Finally acknowledging that she's not in love with Spock anymore is another thing entirely. She's terrified of the fallout.  
She's afraid she's going to lose the only two friends she has at the moment. She is too used to things as they are now. She also didn't want to see Jim and Spock making out on every surface on the ship. (She knows that this is a possibility because logic seems to go out the window whenever those two are in the same room.)  
If she is honest with herself the real reason why she didn't want to break up with Spock is because Jim will finally take her place officially. She didn't trust Jim with Spock's heart. Obviously, he was going to break Spock's heart because Jim Kirk did not do relationships.  
His reputation preceded him. She saw firsthand how he breaks hearts. She was the one who stayed up with a crying Gaila the night before the Kobayashi Maru hearing. Gaila died thinking that he only slept with her so she could beat Spock's test. Her friend died thinking she was nothing more than a cheap fuck because of him. That was something she couldn't forgive, him for even though she now considered him a friend.  
During this part of her mental reflections, she tried to ignore all the other signs that Kirk did not just want to fuck Spock but genuinely cared about him. She tried to convince herself that because at least once a day Kirk would make some comment about wanting to have a threesome with her and his first officer that Jim was only interested in sex. (Of course, she knows it's just a joke because otherwise she would force him to take the mandatory sexual harassment seminar a dozen times by now.)  
She is convinced Jim will find a way to hurt Spock deeper than anything he ever did to Gaila or the other nameless men and women he screwed and never called again. She is well aware Jim is the only one who can get a real emotional response from Spock. That being said, he's probably the only one who can truly hurt Spock. It's hard to accept that, because when she gets the courage to break up with Spock it probably won't hurt him at all. As long as they stayed together, Jim will not have the opportunity to hurt Spock.  
As she took another sip of her tea, she realized she was lying to herself again. She was justifying her own cowardly behavior. Jim cared about Spock. He showed it in all sorts of ways besides those she has already disgust in these reflections.  
For example, whenever they meet in Jim's quarters for work or recreational purposes he always raises the temperature at least five degrees Celsius to accommodate his first officer's biological needs. Even If this means everybody else in the room was seriously wishing Starfleet made sleeveless uniforms.  
After an incident where Spock is essentially molested by an ensign who didn't know the true nature of Vulcan hand contact, he sent out a memo about respecting the personal culture of others. (After reading this memo, she was absolutely positive Jim knew exactly what he was doing when he ran a finger over Spock's hand every time Spock handed him a PADD.)  
Jim added many traditional Vulcan foods to the replicators, including several that Kirk was very allergic to. Also, Jim doesn't eat meat when he and Spock eat lunch or any other meal together. This was something she was not even willing to do.  
He severely reprimanded a lieutenant who thought it would be funny to use Spock as part of his April fool's day prank last April. The stupid lieutenant decided to see if all the rumors about Vulcans and chocolate were true by programming the replicators to add cocoa powder to every dish Spock ate that day. That lieutenant who is currently an ensign again is still cleaning out Jim's quarters once a week.  
The day that would have been Amanda's next birthday Jim gave Spock the day off. He also gave Nyota the day off so she could spend it with him, even though Spock did not desire her company. Even when there was a problem in the lab that Spock could solve instantly that day, Jim refused to get him.  
For Spock's birthday, that he did not celebrate, through his many connections Jim tracked down one of the few remaining images of Amanda and had a painting commissioned for Spock. Judging by the quality, she knew that it was not cheap. The painting is now in Spock's quarters.  
James Kirk is also responsible for her and Spock still being able to date in the first place. When Spock accepted the first officer position permanently, she was almost positive that would be the end of their relationship. Just like her, he would put his job first. She knew this and agreed with it. She accepted it because at least if he was on board Enterprise they could still be friends. (This had nothing to do with the fact that as long as he was on board Enterprise he wasn't on New Vulcan trying to bioengineer 75% Vulcan babies with some other Vulcan. Okay, she's lying to herself again. Maybe she's a little bit more possessive of Spock then she has admitted to herself before. Maybe she's just staying with Spock right now because she doesn't want anyone else to have him. Not that she would ever say that out loud.)  
After his dramatic entrance just seconds before the ship was to leave space dock, he took her to the side to explain what would happen now that he was first officer. She was expecting a breakup. Instead, she got a very discreet Vulcan kiss and was told that because her department reported directly to the captain their relationship could continue. At that point, she was too into her romantic little girl mind set to question this. Like a fool, she still believed Spock was only there for her.  
She knew better now. He came for James. She now knows that ‘Grandpa Spock’ was the one who convinced her Spock to return to Enterprise so that he could have that life altering friendship with Jim. (She wondered if her boyfriend knew that friend was sometimes used as a code word for lover in a much more homophobic time. Considering the Vulcan language has a word that means friend, lover, and brother simultaneously, she was sure her soon to be ex boyfriend knew what the older Spock was really talking about, at least on a subconscious level.)  
A few weeks ago, there was a conference between chief communication officers on several of the ships to discuss a new protocol that would be put into place in the coming year. This gave her the opportunity to talk to her fellow chief communications officers. She knew she was the youngest chief communications officer in the entire fleet but she had no idea what that really meant until she realized everyone she was talking to was at least eight to ten years older than her. If this meeting took place in person, she would be the one in charge of getting everyone coffee. She was also one of the few that didn't already have the rank of commander.  
During this conference, she discovered that she was the only one in charge of the communications department and the Office Service professional’s officers on board the ship. Those individuals usually reported directly to the captain or first officer. That explains why she's the one who has to make sure all paperwork gets turned in on time to Starfleet. At first, she thought she got stuck with that duty because her captain was too lazy to do it himself. Then she found out she was also the only chief communications officer or department head who reported directly to their captain and not the first officer.  
She finally figured it out last week when she found out that Jim had all regulations regarding personal relationships of Starfleet personnel and family memorize sense the time he was in the second grade. If anybody can find a loophole that would allow her to serve on the ship and still date Spock, he would find it. He found a way to elevate her position without consulting Starfleet or raising her rank. By making her report directly to the captain and giving her additional responsibilities, her relationship with Spock could continue. (Although now that her position was so elevated, Spock was one of the few people that was not off limits.)  
She remembered hearing rumors about how desperate Jim was to get Spock to be his first officer. She had an acquaintance that worked in Starfleet's personnel office and knew who was assigned to Enterprise officially before anyone else. Spock was Kirk's only choice for first officer.  
The rumors were proven true when Kirk came to her on four separate occasions to see if she could talk her ‘boyfriend’ into serving on the ship. Honestly, it wouldn't surprise her if Jim purposely promoted her just to get Spock to serve on the ship.  
After the ‘Grandpa Spock incident’ but before the ‘back rub incident’ she finally confronted the captain of her suspicions. Unfortunately, she appeared to be too rational when she confronted him regarding her suspicions.  
"You actually believe that I only promoted you so I could get Spock as my first officer? Actually, I don't even think you believe that. There would be more yelling if that were the case." She wanted to say, "I think you only promoted me because you want to sleep with your first officer." Unfortunately, she was trying to have this conversation in the most professional way possible.  
"Trust me, I believe that. I just don't have the emotional energy to yell at you."  
"That's the problem right there. You have not had the emotional energy to do a lot of things recently." She heard him mumble under his breath before he continued. "I didn't promote you just for Spock." There is that qualifier again. That means that he did promote her for the sake of Spock, but not only for the sake of Spock. "I wanted the best first officer in the fleet but I wasn't going to use you to get him. I promoted you because you're good at what you do. There is no one better than you. Sometimes, I think you were in the wrong track at the academy." That last part was said so low that she probably was not meant to hear it.  
"I speak or understand 25 languages and 60 different dialects at the present time. I'm currently learning five more including the language of the planet where we're going for shore leave. I am well suited to be the chief communications officer even if you put me in charge of the administrative professional pool."  
"I have no doubt you're the best communications officer in the fleet and that's why I promoted you. You also have one of the sharpest minds in Starfleet. You are a good leader. You should have been in the command track. Do you have any idea how more effective negotiations would be if the captain could speak to the leaders of whatever planet they are negotiating with without being dependent on the universal translator or their communications officer to translate the proceedings?"  
After that backhanded compliment, she didn't have the heart to ask him if he regretted his decision to manipulate thing so her and Spock could stay dating. He could say nothing that would convince her that he did not manipulate things around for Spock.  
By her fourth cup of tea and the time of her body wrap she came to the conclusion that Jim's feelings for Spock were very genuine. However, she still wasn't ready to let go of Spock yet. Unfortunately, one of the two people she was avoiding was waiting for her in the room where her body wrap would take place.  
"Is there a reason why you're interrupting my spa time with your presence? It's bad enough that I have to watch you flirt with my boyfriend every day. You're one of my only friends now that everyone else is dead, but I still don't want to watch you make a pass at my boyfriend on the bridge." Why did she just say that out loud?  
"I'm not hitting on your boyfriend. Okay, I am but it's not serious." She just rolls her eyes before letting him continue. "I need to know who on your staff is most familiar with the local languages. Lt. Richardson just started giving away Federation secrets to his waiter after drinking one of the local drinks. Of course, this is before he passed out in the middle of the restaurant. Dr. McCoy is unable to analyze the substance and I need someone who can actually speak the language fluently to figure out what happened. I wouldn't have to interrupt your precious spa time if you actually had your communicator on like you were supposed to."  
"Ensign Thompson and Lieutenant Cook are the most proficient in both dialects of the language spoken in this region. It wasn't my fault, I couldn't bring the communicator in. The spa has a no cell phones/communicator policy, not that I would have picked up the call anyway. I'm trying to avoid you and your first officer, who you are completely in love with. I am here trying to figure out how to break up with my boyfriend of two and a half years after I figured out I don't love him. I don't think he will be that upset because he loves you anyway." As she spoke, Kirk was looking at her as if she was absolutely crazy. Just then, she started to become dizzy and grabbed the fifth cup of tea waiting for her.  
"What are you drinking?" Kirk said as he took the tea cup from her hand.  
"It's something the massage therapist recommended. She called it true relaxation tea." She said as her dizziness came back. She heard the captain say several expletives before everything went black.  
\--  
The next thing she remembered was waking up in the private room in sick bay, usually reserved for when the captain makes a complete fool of himself or barely avoids getting killed. She can hear the Captain, Brittany, Spock, and Dr. McCoy talking out in the hallway. Spock actually sounded worried and the captain sounded pissed.  
It turns out she made the first mistake of translating. She assumed her grasp of the language was better than what it actually was. What she thought was true relaxation tea was in reality ‘the truth will relax you’ tea. During her entire time in the spa, she was essentially drinking truth serum. That explains why, even in her mind, she couldn't lie to herself anymore. The fact that she consumed four times the normal recommended dose is why she's currently drifting in and out of consciousness. At least that's what Spock said after he and Brittany interrogated the spa worker who gave her the drink.  
After what she discovers to be almost six hours of drifting in and out of consciousness, she saw her captain sitting next to her bed.  
"Why are you here? Shouldn't you be partying somewhere?" It seemed odd since usually the only person he waits to wake up from unconsciousness when things go badly is Spock.  
"I'm glad to see that you're returning to your normal self. Unfortunately, because you just overdosed on alien tea, I get to spend the majority of my shore leave with you just to guarantee that you don't blurt out classified information to some random Romulan or Klingon at a club. You know too much classified information to be left alone even in sickbay. Not that I don't enjoy your lovely company, you are the most beautiful woman on the ship." She was very familiar with the regulation he was talking about. She couldn't be given anesthesia for any reason without a member of security being present just in case she said the wrong thing.  
"Shouldn't it be a member of the security team staying with me?"  
"Your clearance level is higher than anybody on the security team. According to regulations, you need to be watched by an officer who has the same security clearance." In other words, the only two people on the ship qualified to baby sit her were the captain or her soon to be ex boyfriend. That explained why she's in isolation and Dr. McCoy hasn't been inside the room every 20 minutes.  
She wondered why Spock wasn't the one watching her. Not that she really wanted to be around her ‘boyfriend’ when she can't lie to him. She doesn't want to accidentally blurt out that she wants to end their relationship while she's under the influence.  
"Why don't you just let Spock watch me, since he's actually on duty and you can go enjoy the rest of your shore leave." She said laying her head down on the bed again.  
"He would be here if he could. Unfortunately the other side-effects of that tea are you’re projecting your emotions so loudly that they're breaking through his mental shields. You don't even have to say anything right now and he is going to know. No guy deserves to have his girlfriend break up with him when she’s stoned on alien truth tea." He said this looking her directly in the eye. What he was really saying is "I don't want you to hurt Spock right now when you can't help yourself".   
"Besides, I'm the captain and you're my responsibility." Again the truth was in his eyes.  
"You really are in love with him?" She blames the tea for asking him a question that she wouldn't under normal circumstances.  
"He's just a friend Lieutenant." He used her title just then to put some professional distance between the two of them. She wished he was under the influence of the truth tea. This stuff is so powerful you cannot even lie to yourself.  
"Do you know that friend is sometimes used as a code word for lover?" She blurted this out because she really can't help it.  
"Yes."  
"You and Spock will never be friends. I don't believe you. Do you think I'm stupid enough not to see you practically giving him the Vulcan equivalent of a hand job three times in the last month during your ‘chess games’?"  
"Considering you can't lie right now, I believe you believe that. Also the hand contact was an accident." She just rolled her eyes.  
"I don't believe that." She said this with more emotion than she has used in months. "You tried to get my boyfriend to give you a massage on the bridge yesterday. I also know that was a complete set up. I saw you and him talking yesterday. Why did you run away when Spock accused you of making a pass at him?  
"I did not run away."  
"Yes you did. Remember, I can't lie right now." She said this again with anger an irritation in her voice.  
"If you have acted like this just once in the last six months, your boyfriend and me would not need to put on that show yesterday. The thing on the bridge was to elicit an emotional response from you other than complete detachment. Since you can't lie, why are you keeping everyone at arm's length? Why are you so numb? I had a mom who acted like that for the majority of my childhood. You did not even yell at me when you thought I used you to get Spock on the ship. What's going on? You said yourself that I'm not just your captain, I am your friend."  
Because she was completely stoned on alien truth tea she couldn't blame it on the fact her relationship was falling apart. Therefore, she told him the entire truth. She told him about needing to be the strong one. She told him about not dealing with the deaths of her best friends. Then she told him about her fears that he will replace her in Spock's heart.  
"I'm not going to take your boyfriend." He said picking up her hand.  
"Would it be ok if I gave him to you?" That was the last thing she remembered asking before everything went black again.

 


	11. Jim Sign Six: Jim Kirk Is Now Celibate

After what the entire crew is referring to as ‘the truth tea incident’ she spent the next 24 hours letting the tea work its way through her system. It turns out her massage therapist was telepathic and picked up on her dilemma. She did not miss translate the tea name as she originally thought, but was given the wrong name on purpose so she would drink the tea and have her necessary epiphany. She was deep in denial; it took four cups for her to admit the truth to herself.

Thanks to the meddling massage therapist she is enjoying her second day of shore leave in sick bay until they were absolutely sure she wouldn't start revealing security codes or drop unconscious again. She was okay with this because, if she was in sick bay she wouldn't have the opportunity to break up with Spock. Of course she couldn't stay in complete denial because a certain captain was sitting next to her for the duration of her stay.

Because Jim Kirk isn't one for regulations, she doesn't exactly believe that protocol is the only reason he's with her. (She's grateful that it's him watching her and not Spock. She wasn't sure she could take any conversation with her not-boyfriend now without being able to lie. The fact that he can pick up on her emotions right now without her saying anything scares her.)

She spent her second day of shore leave playing games of chess that she lost quickly with her friend. They avoided talking about unpleasant things. He tried to convince her to play truth or dare multiple times but she refuses to. Even when he agreed not to repeat anything she said in this room under the influence of the tea she still said no.

Of course, because Jim is Jim, he asked her very inappropriate questions regarding Vulcan sexuality that she is unable not to answer. (She's almost positive he has created a subconscious list.) As long as he did not ask her more questions about why she was ready to break up with Spock or the real reason why she's been so distant these last six months she would be happy to answer his inappropriate questions. Really she wasn't that surprise he asked her sex questions. He did try to get into her pants the first time they met. His excuse did surprise her.

"It's been six months. I have to get my kicks somewhere." He said with an innocent shrug.

"What do you mean it's been six months?" She said in absolute shock. It wasn't the first time he said such things but she never believed him.

"Alright it's been 6.56 months." It only took her a few moments to mentally calculate when that was.

"Gaila," she said the name in a whisper.

"Do you really find it that shocking that I haven't slept with anybody in that long?" He said in irritation with his ‘do you really think that little of me’ look on his face.

"Yes, I find it difficult to believe that the only action you had in over six months is your right hand. Especially considering the fact that you proposition my soon to be ex-boyfriend at least three times a day."

"Oh come on, you know he doesn't take it seriously. Otherwise, I would've taken the sexual harassment seminar two dozen times by now." That comment just made her roll her eyes.

"He enjoys it too much to tell you to stop. Besides, it's not sexual harassment if you like it." He opened his mouth for a moment to say something but closed it quickly.

"I will confess sometimes I still see you as that cocky cadet who was supposedly screwing half the student population and a portion of the faculty. I'm still expecting to walk in on you bending your assistant over your desk."

"You do know there's this thing called professionalism right? There's also a Starfleet policy about Captain's sleeping with their subordinates. Besides, my assistant is just too needy for that sort of thing."

"Trust me I am well aware of that policy. After our conversation last week where I found out you purposely changed my job so I could keep dating Spock I went through the policy. Do you know for the purposes of dating first officers and captains are considered equal?" (It turns out there is a very long and sordid secret history in Starfleet of captains and first officers having physical if not romantic relationships. There are even a few married command teams in Starfleet presently including the Britney’s parents.)

"Yes but my first officer has a girlfriend and I was under the impression he was only in to women up until a few weeks ago when I found out we had the same ex-boyfriend. Also, those rumors you heard about me fucking the entire student population at the academy were false or at the very least were extremely exaggerated. I have actually had other relationships besides one night stands at the academy. You know I was with Jordan for almost three months. Just because I flirt with someone doesn't mean I'm taking them back to my quarters." She could hear the anger in his voice as he defended himself.

"You expect me to believe that three weeks ago when you were flirting with a certain ambassador's aid like crazy, nothing happened when you gave him a ‘special tour’ of the ship?" Sarcasm was dripping off her voice as she said this.

"I walked him around the ship and convinced him to convince his boss to sign the treaty. I may have used a bedroom voice when I was speaking to him, but that's as far as it went."

"What about two months ago with that Prime Minister who kept grabbing your backside during negotiations?"

"If you remember, she was also grabbing your backside during negotiations. If you remember from the background packet, that is a sign of goodwill in their culture. They don't mean anything sexual by it." She was so mad at him for getting her on that point. She was also shocked he actually read the background paper.

"What about a few months ago, when negotiations were starting to fall apart and you disappeared with the main negotiator for almost an hour? You came back completely happy and dazed with a promise that his planet would sign the treaty granting the federation mining rights on their planet."

"I was happy that the planet agreed to sign the treaty. I was dazed because I just consumed several shots of a very high proof alcohol. Does it really matter what I tell you? You are still going to believe I am that same person who hit on you in that bar in Iowa. Did you ever think that maybe I take being the captain of this ship seriously and I am not going to jeopardize that position by fucking around with my crew or the various leaders we meet?" He asked her with anger in his voice.

"My second year at the academy I worked a part time job at the Starfleet office that handles disciplinary issues. My job was to translate witness statements into standard, as well as, check the accuracy of already translated statements. Because of the importance of accuracy in legal proceedings, they didn't trust computers to do the job. During my time there were two different cases of Captains sleeping with their subordinates. One was a case of two people falling in love and that I could deal with. That captain also was allowed to keep his commission. The other case was so bad the man lost his position. It's hard to assume you're not doing the same thing when I've already seen individuals almost twice your age screwing around."

"What happened in the other case specifically?” Jim asked with genuine concern.

"I can't give you too many specifics because the information is confidential. The situation involved a captain that had a reputation for fooling around with his crew. Apparently, he forced his assistant to sleep with him and he got her pregnant." She could see the anger on his face when she told him this.

"I would never do anything like that."

"I know." She was willing to accept that. "However, I don't believe that the only reason why you're not sleeping with half the crew is professionalism."

"Why is that?"

"First, you are on shore leave right now. You could be at any bar or club picking someone up for a one night stand. You can go find someone to sleep with who wouldn't jeopardize your career or this ship. Instead, you are playing board games with me because I accidentally drank the wrong tea at the spa."

"Like I told you yesterday, I'm the captain and I'm responsible for those on my crew. Leaving you hear to go out and get laid is very unprofessional." She laughed at that.

"I really wish you would have drunk some of that tea so you would stop lying to yourself. You love Spock and don't want to hurt him." Again, his mouth opened wide for a moment before any words actually came out.

"I thought you couldn't lie right now?" the question came out in a whisper.

"I can't." At that moment he excused himself with some silly excuse about getting another board game for the two of them to play. He never came back. His excuse was as soon as she was able to not tell him the name of the captain and assistant he knew she would not reveal any other sensitive material, even though she was under the influence.

The next day when she returned to the planet after being given the all clear from Dr. McCoy she went back to the spa. It turns out they didn't give her the same tea as everyone else who OD. The version she was given was specifically designed to get you to tell the truth about your personal relationships to yourself and anyone else involved. Apparently, her captain knew full well that she wouldn't be blabbing security codes. So why did he stay with her?

She didn't care at that moment. Instead, she bought a box of that special tea. This would be planned B if a certain captain and first officer continue to refused to see what is really happening between them. Of course, she probably should figure out how to break up with Spock before she locks him in a room with the object of his desire.


	12. Spock Sign Six: All The Illogical Things He Does for Jim. (The Karaoke/Breakup Incident)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or any reincarnation of the property. I don't own any of the songs referenced in this chapter. I do own the fake artists that sing the songs in the 23rd century. Any references to actual famous people in the 20th and 21st century should be viewed in the same way as Neil Patrick Harris's performance in the Harold and Kumar films.  
> Update March 4, 2013   
> Some of the jokes did not age as well as they could have, so I had to change a few things.   
> Also, because I never got around to writing the sequel to this I should explain that Britney is not exactly a complete original character but sort of a female stand in for Kevin Reilly. I wanted more female characters and a possible friend for Nyota, so I decided to play around a little bit. That being said, Jim has known her for a very long time but Nyota does not know that.

Jim Kirk has the natural ability to make people do things that they would never do under any normal circumstances. For example, due to him and that work colleague that she will soon no longer be dating driving her absolutely crazy, she consumed four cups of a tea designed to make her stop lying to herself.  
Of course, it was not completely her fault or his. She was given the wrong name for the tea that took her right out of denial land. By consuming the truth tea, she spent her first two days of shore leave mostly unconscious. She also came to the unpleasant conclusion that she needed to terminate her relationship with Spock as soon as possible.   
As much as she would like to blame Jim Kirk for all of the crazy things she does, she knows she can't. (Apparently, there still a little bit of that truth tea in her system.) However, she can blame the illogical things that Spock does on Kirk.  
For example, in the pre Jim days she could never get Spock to touch alcohol, let alone chocolate laced alcohol. Normally, alcohol does not have any effect on Vulcans. However, due to being half-human Spock can get drunk on regular alcohol. It just takes twice as much. (She discovered this two weeks into the mission when Jim took Spock to a bar on the planet they were visiting to participate in the human morning ritual of getting drunk after the loss of a loved one.)  
To a 'normal' Vulcan chocolate has the same effect liquor does in humans. Again, because he's half human Spock needs twice as much chocolate to reach the same level of intoxication as his 'full' Vulcan counterparts. Now if you just happen to mix the chocolate and alcohol together you have one loaded Spock. (She discovered this also that time Jim took Spock to get wasted at a bar.)  
The problem with drinking alcohol or eating chocolate is it means a loss of control (shown by the fact that Spock starts using contractions when intoxicated). When under the influence of the alcohol or chocolate things such as emotions cannot be repressed as easily. To someone who has been socialized his entire life to stay in control, letting go with a chemical aid seemed illogical.  
When she and Spock went out to restaurants pre Jim Kirk, he would never order a glass of wine or a chocolate soufflé. On those rare occasions when she talked Spock into going with her to a dance club, he would never touch anything remotely alcoholic. Actually, he would never stay at the club more than long enough to see that she met up with one of her other friends and would be safe for the evening. Don't even get her started about what happened the year she gave him chocolate body paint for Valentine's Day. There are just some memories that you want to repress.  
However, Jim had no problem whatsoever getting Spock to consume a drink or eat a piece of chocolate. At first, she didn't think anything of Spock drinking hot chocolate or a glass of wine at diplomatic dinners or during recreational activities. She honestly just thought that Jim Kirk was so irritating that the only way Spock could deal with him was to consume copious amounts of alcohol or chocolate.  
It wasn't until just a few weeks ago when Spock told Kirk about his first sexual experience under the influence of several chocolate martinis she realized why Spock was okay with consuming these things around Jim. It was because he felt comfortable losing control around him but he could never be that free with her.  
Another example was last night at the restaurant they ate dinner at together. After the tea incident, Spock and Jim didn't trust her to be alone. The only reason why she was able to go back to the spa to figure out what happened was they did not know that Dr. McCoy discharged her from sickbay yet.  
In the afternoon, she had Brittany as her babysitter. This was fine with her because she had someone to go shopping with. However, she spent dinner with her captain and his first officer. (Apparently, Brittany told Kirk and Spock that they could be around her now without her blurting out the ugly truth about their feelings for each other.)  
It was a pleasant dinner because she had the ability to lie again. It also helped that the food was not replicated. Things were going great and she felt like she was hanging out with two friends instead of her boyfriend and the guy he was in love with. Then dessert came.  
"Why is it called a volcano cake? I seriously doubt this confection is made with anything that could come from that particular geological phenomenon." Spock said as he looked at the chocolate infused desert with the Vulcan equivalent of trepidation. In other words, he had one eyebrow slightly cocked and his lip was turned down 2.1 millimeters.  
"It's called a volcano cake because it shaped like a volcano and the hot chocolate is supposed to be like lava." Jim said before he put a spoonful of the chocolate dessert in his mouth. He then proceeded to spend the next five minutes trying to get Spock to eat the desert. Finally, he succeeded by literally feeding Spock the chocolate cake. If Spock was not so caught up with Kirk, he would probably say something about how illogical and unhygienic it was to share the same spoon.  
Apparently, the chocolate was a very high proof because Spock allowed Jim to do something in a public restaurant with children around that she was barely allowed to do with him in the privacy of one of their bedrooms. It didn't help that Spock had a chocolate martini and a mudslide already in his system.  
After feeding Spock the last byte of the volcano cake, Jim noticed a large amount of chocolate on Spock's middle and index fingers. Instead of giving Spock a napkin like any sane individual, Jim brought the digits up to his mouth and proceeded to lick the chocolate off in the most inappropriate way possible.  
Of course, this was before he sucked both fingers into his mouth completely. She was personally praying that no one in the restaurant realized Spock was part Vulcan and figured out how obscene the scene in front of her really was. Jim Kirk was sucking her boyfriend off Vulcan style in the middle of a family restaurant.  
This would have been the perfect time to breakup. Considering the way Spock was reacting they needed to break up immediately. She never got him to become this undone before in public. She could tell Spock was aroused. His pupils were dilated and those blue jeans, that Jim also talked him into wearing, did not hide certain things at all.  
However, she did not throw her drink at the oblivious couple or start throwing punches. Instead, she breaks out laughing which brought Spock out of his Jim Kirk induced daze. It is just not right to breakup with someone in a family restaurant. Yes, she will admit she was an absolute cowered.  
After they were brought back to their senses, the two men acted as if they didn't engage in an almost sexual act in front of her. She was so fed up with their denial that she was just about to ask their server if Chili's of Earth served truth tea. Then she decided to sneak it into their breakfast the next day.  
XXXX  
At breakfast today, before they went to the paintball field she put her plan into action to get her boss and her soon to be ex boyfriend to confess their love for each other. Maybe if this happened first she wouldn't have to break up with Spock because he would break up with her. Unfortunately, her plan was interrupted by a certain meddling doctor.  
"Give me that," he said taking the tea bag from her hand. "I know you're tired of him messing with your boyfriend, but murder by anaphylactic shock is not the answer."  
"I'm not trying to kill him. I'm just trying to get him and Spock to admit that their completely in love with each other." He started laughing at her as if she was crazy. Maybe she was.  
"If that's the same tea you overdosed on earlier this week Jim will be unconscious halfway through the first drink. There's no way Jim is in love with the emotionless computer, anyway. You have nothing to worry about."  
"Then why did he essentially give Spock a Vulcan blow job in the middle of a family restaurant yesterday?" She said virtually screaming at the doctor as she walked out of the room. Why were all men so oblivious to what was going on.  
XXXX  
She was honestly shocked that Kirk got Spock to play paintball. Actually, she was surprised that Kirk convinced Spock to Indulge in any type of recreational activity other than chess. So far Jim has successfully manage to get Spock to participate in movie night, poker night, and checkers night.  
She was currently mad because she was forced to sit in the air conditioned observation area on doctor's orders. Apparently, Dr. McCoy thought she was still too weak to participate in such a strenuous activity. She personally thinks its revenge for her telling Dr. McCoy about what really happened at the restaurant yesterday.  
Watching paint ball is nowhere near as much fun as playing. She personally wanted to shoot a certain captain in his favorite place with a paintball gun. He deserved it after what he did yesterday at the restaurant. Then after she was done with Kirk, she would turn the paintball gun on Spock. Break up by paintball seemed like a good idea but she would probably chicken out before firing the first shot anyway.  
Team Kirk and Spock won the battle quite easily against Chekov, Sulu, Brittany and three members of the security team.  
"Seriously if we give you a 3 to 1 advantage and you still lose, that tells me something is seriously wrong." Kirk said as they walked back to the transporter to take them to the hotel. "Mr. Spock, I think this is why so many members of the security team end up dead on away missions."  
"You may be right, Jim."  
She decided not to tell them the real reason they won was they were the perfect team. They can anticipate each other's moves without words. Besides when she points out the obvious to them even under the influence of the truth tea they still didn't believe her.  
XXXX  
Of all the illogical things on shore leave that Spock did, the most illogical of all was the ancient earth activity known as karaoke. On their last night on planet, they went to a theme restaurant called Century 21 Karaoke. The place specialized in late 20th century and early 21st century earth food and culture. As they walked into the restaurant they heard a vacationing Klingon butcher Dana Star's song ‘Baby One More Time’. At lease it sounded like that song.  
"Why is that woman singing a song that came out two years ago by a signer from Earth Colony II in a restaurant purely devoted to earth culture of the late 20th in early 21st century?" She asked as their actual server took them to their table and handed them each a PADD like device called an iPhone that contained the menu and the song selections.  
"Many modern songs are remakes of songs that have been around for centuries. That particular song has been remade over 26 times. Most people don't even remember the woman who sang the song originally. She was some earth girl who was best known for getting married to the wrong person more than once and shaving her head when she went crazy the first time.  
"Only a few artists from the 21st century are so popular that we still listened to the original recordings. Most prefer the remakes. That's why on your iPhones/menu are biographies, lyrics, and videos of the entire original artist that sung the songs in the 20th and 21st centuries. I will just let you play around with the menus. When you select your meal for the night just text it and it will be brought out to you promptly." The woman said leaving them at the table.  
Of course, everybody was too busy researching the origins of some of their favorite songs to order anything but drinks at first. She was sure Spock was having more fun researching than anything else. He loved learning about other cultures. He found it ‘fascinating’.  
"I can't believe American Idiot was actually a pop album before it became a rock opera. I just saw a production of it last night. The song 21 guns was not even on that album but the next. I love that song." Sulu said as he grabbed his Budweiser classic from the table. Of course, here the bottle had the same label it would have had in the 21st century.  
"Here's another interesting tidbit. High School Musical originally came out in the early 21st century as well." Brittany said to everyone else at the table. Apparently, Brittany was with her again because she was still on babysitting duty. She needed to figure out what Jim was using to make Brittany watch her so closely.  
"How's that possible? The main female character was Vulcan." Chekov asked in surprise.  
"The musical originally aired on some children's channel as a movie in 2006. There were several follow up movies before the franchise disappeared for over half a century." Britney explained.  
"My daughter loves the entire series, even the original films from the 21st century. I think she has seen the latest version 20 times. She loves Joshua Efron." Dr. McCoy said as he took another drink of his whiskey.  
"So any way, about 10 years after first contact someone in San Francisco had the brilliant ideal to revive it as an opera/musical and replace sugary sweet overly brainy Gabriella with the emotionally repressed but beautiful T'briella. The play became this great tool to teach interplanetary acceptance and tolerance. The person who plays Troy in the latest version Joshua Efron is supposedly the great great great great great great grandson of Zack Efron ‘the original Troy’ . Who knows how true that is? They might just have the same last name."  
"T'briella is not a Vulcan name." Spock said taking a drink of his mudslide. She was shocked that Spock was drinking something chocolate laced in front of everyone. Usually he would only do that around her and Kirk.  
"It was just after first contact. It wasn't like anyone at the time was familiar enough to know that they were doing something that stupid." Brittany said taking a drink from her water.  
XXXXX  
An hour later after more alcohol and actual food was consumed several members of the group actually were brave or maybe drunk enough to go up on stage. Because she loved singing, she was the first one up on stage. She did a rendition of the song Lovesick originally performed by a group called TLC. She couldn't believe that song was really 260 years old when she remembers listening to it in high school as perform by a group called Left Eye Forever.  
She wondered if anybody noticed she changed all the pronouns to the masculine form and sung, "You left me for some dick" instead of "you left me for some chick." Considering the look Brittany was giving Spock and the fact that her Captain was surprisingly trying to crawl under the table she was sure they got it. Thanks to that Vulcan mask she had no idea what Spock was thinking.  
Brittany was next on the stage performing a song called "I loved you," She was familiar with it because an artist called Jade of Earth made a remake of it last year. Although she was sure that the 20th century version of the song was different from the contemporary version, she doubted there would be references to the academy or to a guy named Jim who is the subject's ‘captain’s friend’. There were also tons of other references that made her sure Brittany was altering the lyrics. Fortunately or unfortunately, Spock ran to the restroom during this performance.  
"I don't think those are the original lyrics." Jim whispered to her the moment Spock got up from their table.  
"They're not." She said looking at the PADD like device with the lyrics on the screen."  
"And you said you didn't have any friends. Raking your boyfriend over the coals is a friend like activity." Jim said taking another drink. Of course, nobody else noticed the change in lyrics or her conversation with Jim. They were too busy being in shock over the identity of the original artist.  
"I had no idea Will Smith was a musician. I just thought he won a couple of Oscars and made all those inaccurate alien films." Sulu said grabbing a 20th century appetizer called a "mozzarella stick" from the center of the table. Spock came back just in time for Chekov to claim Will Smith was from Russia.  
After that, it was Kirk's turn to go up there and perform. Thank god most of the other people at the restaurant didn't recognize him because he was wearing civilian clothes. It also probably helped that to the casual observer Spock looked more like Jim's boyfriend then hers. Apparently most of the Federation was under the impression that their heroes are only into getting the girl. She's pretty sure everybody assumes the crazy guy on stage just looks a lot like that guy who saved earth who has a boyfriend that looks like that other guy who saved earth.  
Of course, Jim would sing a song that started out with the lyrics "I am the kind of guy who lives life on the edge. The kind of guy you'd wonder. Is he messin with my head?"

  
She and Brittany looked up the lyrics when it was obvious that Jim was changing them. The song was not as familiar as the others were because the most recent version of the song came out 20 years ago.  
During a song called ‘Make U Love Me’ originally perform by a man named Robin Thicke from an album called ‘Sex Therapy: The Experience’ Jim changed all the instances of boyfriend to girlfriend. He also made direct eye contact with Spock during the entire song. Although it was probably more telling that he changed all the uses of the term mother to the term father.  
"You do realize he's making a pass at your boyfriend?" Brittany whispered just low enough for only her to hear. (It will be hours later before she remembers that Vulcan hearing is superior to human hearing.)  
"Yes, I know Jim is making a pass at my ‘boyfriend’, but Jim does not. That's the problem." She mumbles under her breath for only Brittany to hear.  
"At least he is in good company. Nobody else at this table sees what's going on." She isn't quite sure if Brittany is right. Considering both of Spock's eyebrows are raised very high and again those blue jeans do not hide certain reactions, she is sure Spock isn't that clueless, just in pure denial. Dr. McCoy takes another shot when Jim leaves the stage and finishes singing right in front of Spock. Sulu is too busy ‘fighting’ with Chekov to be paying attention to any of it. She and Brittany are laughing too hard to point this out to them.  
She and Brittany start laughing harder when Brittany points out another song on the same album called Rollercoasta that just scream Jim and Spock. Any song with lyrics like ‘Hate me in the morning/Sex me up at noon’ is absolutely perfect for those two.  
Now Chekov and Sulu were on stage singing a song from the second film of the original High School Musical movies called I Don't Dance. At least, Sulu did not do 21 Guns.  
"I find it illogical that a song with very blatant homoerotic subtext ended up in a 21st century children's film. I was under the impression that dancing was a code word for sexual intercourse in earth English." Spock said in his normal matter-of-fact way.  
"It was. Then again, baseball was also used as a metaphor for sex." Jim said to Spock as soon as he finished choking on his drink.  
"Even in the 21st century, people were uncomfortable about certain things. When things make humans uncomfortable they choose to ignore them instead of seeing what is really happening. For example, most people really thought the song was about dancing. They also completely ignore the fact that the two boys were wearing each other's shirts in the next scene," Brittany said to the group.  
"Thank you for ruining a perfectly good children's film. I am never going to be able to watch this film with my daughter again, even if my ex wife lets me see her again sometime this millennium." Dr. McCoy said taking another drink.  
"You really must have been blind not to see it. Even the guy raised on another planet picked up on the sexual innuendo." Brittany said laughing.  
"I will never understand the human ability to not see what's truly going on." If she wasn't drinking her second Margarita of the night, she would make some snide remark about him lying to himself about Jim.  
"It really is not as different now as we would like it to be. Starfleet didn't even have an 'openly' gay captain until ten years ago when Captain Jose Rodriguez came out the week after he received his commission. Before him most captains and Admiral came out the week after retirement or in their obituary." As Jim said this she wondered, how people would react if they found out the captain and first officer of the Federation's flagship were bisexual? She knew that Captain Rodriguez did not exactly have the best coming out party. Even though people tried to act like everything was wonderful in 2258, prejudice still existed even if people denied it.  
"Captain Rodriguez is a friend of the family. My uncle died saving his life when they were both stationed together. They were best friends at the academy. Neither one was planning on joining Starfleet until…" she cuts herself off, not wanting to refer to the ship that her Captain's father died on. They were having too good of the time to bring up what happened.  
"You can say the K word without me crying. I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself. It makes sense that a lot of people joined Starfleet just because of my dad’s sacrifice. The same thing is happening right now." She knew that was true. Starfleet enrollment was up 250% currently, despite the mass casualties.  
When Sulu and Chekov came back to the table that's when Kirk really started trying to get Spock to perform. She personally wished Jim luck in getting that to happen. All through college, she tried to get Spock on stage to perform with her but he wouldn't do it. Of course, she should know that Jim would be successful.  
It only took him 30 minutes and another chocolate martini to get Spock on stage. (It probably didn't hurt that Jim started fondling Spock's hands in such a discreet way that only Brittany and her picked up on it.)  
Spock decided to perform the song ‘Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely’. Everybody knows this is a Backstreet Boys song without looking it up. 230 years after their last album the backstreet boys are still very popular in the federation. The thing is no one on earth will admit to actually still listening to their music.  
Backstreet Boys songs from their over 25 albums were a very popular export to other planets. There is a remake of the song in Vulcan called ‘Show Me the Logic of Being Lonely’. She knows the lyrics to I Want It That Way in Klingon, Vulcan, and all three dialects of Romulan. Not that she will admit that she knows the songs or has every single one of their albums mislabeled in her personal music collection.  
"Of course the Vulcan will sing a song about questioning the need to feel an emotion." Dr. McCoy said as he downed another shot. Most people at the table agreed with that assessment.  
"This song isn't about denial of emotions. According to the biography notes the song was about experiencing extreme loss and not having support from those around you." Brittany said reading information from the device.  
"Why are you such a big Backstreet Boys fan?" The doctor asked roughly.

"Though I'm human, I'm not from earth. That means I have no problem admitting I like the Backstreet Boys or remakes of their music." From what she knew, Britney really did not grow up on any planet. Although, several years of information were not included in her personnel file.  
"The song is about losing a parent," Jim said quietly just to her. She and Jim understood what was really happening. Spock looked directly at her when he repeated the line "How can you be asking me to feel the things you never show."  
Spock's voice was extremely monotone compared to anybody else, but she could still feel the emotions. She could see it in his eyes that he was singing that line to her. His accusation was true. Spock sat back down to a table filled with shocked people. So many were surprised to actually see him up there.  
She got up on stage two more times once was to do Legend of a Cowgirl. Even though this song has been remade in the last five years most people don't get the references anymore. Although there was something enduring about a woman who was completely free and was her own person. Brittany and Jim did start laughing when she sings the line ‘speak to my ex fiancé’ as she points at Spock.  
After she was probably as wasted on alcohol as she was three days ago on the tea, she got up on the stage and did Almost Doesn't Count. It was probably a mistake to sing any song with lyrics such as ‘almost made you love me’ or ‘almost made you cry’ when you are trying to figure out how to break up with a individual who doesn't love you or shows any emotion around you whatsoever. Considering that Jim was hiding in his seat again, he could see the emotions on her face and here the tears in her voice.  
It was also a mistake to step off stage right before singing the second chorus. She looked into Spock's eyes and was positive that he knew exactly what she was saying with the song. He grabbed her hand just as she sang the words ‘I can't keep loving you one foot outside the door’.

He didn't need to hear the words to understand what she was feeling. Sometimes she forgets that her most likely now ex boyfriend was a touch telepath. However, she has never been more aware of the fact at this very moment.  
Normally, he would never access anybody's thoughts like this. By letting him grab her hand, she knew she was giving him permission. Maybe it was for the best because a part of her was too scared to tell him. She's been looking for any excuse possible over the last four days not to break up with him.  
She let him feel everything that she is feeling. All the frustration and pain over the last few months she poured into him. She let him feel her grief for her friends. She let him feel her love for him mutate into a platonic love over the last six months. She let him feel how she knew they were completely wrong for each other. Most importantly, she let him feel her acceptance of him falling in love with Jim. It's taken her a while but she has come to terms with it.  
As soon as the song was done she ran to the bathroom. Brittany was right behind her. She wasn't crying but she wasn't really all right either. At least unlike she feared she knows he felt something in regards to the end of their relationship. He's going to be meditating for days to recover from what just happened.  
"Are you okay?" The younger girl asked quietly.  
"Not really. I think I just broke up with my boyfriend telepathically in front of a restaurant filled with people."  
"On the bright side it was telepathically. No one else has any idea what happened." When she returns to the table she realizes Brittany is right when Sulu, Chekov and Dr. McCoy are completely oblivious to the fact that her and Spock just broke up in front of everyone.  
She ended up walking back to the hotel with her now ex boyfriend and they had the real post breakup talk. It probably helped that he assures her that he would like to remain friends. When she brings up the fact that he's completely in love with Jim and allowed him to do something very inappropriate yesterday at the restaurant he excuses himself. Even though they're not together anymore, he was still lying to himself. This may take awhile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All songs were chosen for their lyrical content or for their ability to make me laugh.  
> Songs used in this chapter in order of appearance:  
> Baby One More Time Britney Spears  
> 21 guns Green Day  
> Lovesick TLC  
> I loved you Will Smith  
> Make U Love Me Robin Thicke  
> Rollercoasta Robin Thicke  
> I Don't Dance HSM2 (Yes, the scene was that obvious in the film.)  
> Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely, Backstreet Boys  
> Legend of a Cowgirl Imani, Coppola  
> Almost Doesn't Count, Brandy


	13. Jim Sign Seven: Jim Kirk is Jealous

She never did get the opportunity to expose a certain captain and that guy he's in love with to the effects of that truth tea. It turns out Jim has a severe food allergy to the tea. When she tried to drug the two idiots in question out of their denial, she was stopped by a certain meddling doctor. Stupid doctor.  
In other news, Spock is officially no longer her boyfriend. She broke up with him during their last day of shore leave during karaoke when she projected all her emotions at him. It took him three days of meditation to psychically recover.  
Even though she broke up with Spock in front of the ships biggest gossip, no one on the ship except for Jim and Britney knew that her and Spock's relationship was no longer romantic in nature . It wasn't until two weeks later after a slip up on her part that anyone else on the ship knew. (Contrary to popular belief, Brittany is not the biggest gossip on the ship. That title belongs again to a certain doctor.)  
She could understand why no one picked up on the break up. It wasn't like they were fighting on the bridge. Neither one of them was walking around as if the world ended. It wasn't her first breakup and it wouldn't be her last.  
Their work relationship didn't change at all. Maybe it was better because she didn't fill as tense on the bridge when she saw Jim flirting with Spock. It is easier to work when she is not angry or completely detached from everything around her. It is easier to function when you're not just going through the motions.  
As for their personal relationship, the only difference was the lack of physical intimacy. That wasn't much of a change, considering the fact that they haven't had sex for months and the PDAs had stopped long ago.  
Actually, their personal relationship has improved greatly in the last month since the breakup. They were talking to each other more post breakup than they did in the last seven months of their romantic relationship, even if they are still avoiding the Jim shaped elephant in the room.  
She and Spock started having lunch together again like they use to. Of course, Jim was there and so was Brittany. She still watched Jim and Spock play chess after-hours. It was actually more fun now because she doesn't feel that same anger. She just sits there and laughs every time Jim does something overtly sexual that they both tried to deny happened. Let's just say that at least on one occasion there was a repeat of the VBJ incident. At least this time it was in the privacy of Jim's bedroom.  
She wondered why it was so easy for her and Spock to transition into friendship. She quickly realized it's because they really didn't just break up a month ago but probably the moment she became aware that he was in love with Jim and Jim was in love with him. Last month, she and Spock just made it official. Like she stated earlier, she and Spock stopped having sex months before. The official end just made it easier to rebuild the rest of her and Spock's relationship.  
Now she can admit it to herself that she had too much respect for Jim to engage in a make out session with Spock in front of him just to hurt him. She knew Jim was jealous of her physical relationship with Spock and neither she, nor Spock were going to rub it in his face. She remembered how upset he looked every time he saw her and Spock kiss. She would never consciously hurt a friend like that, even if she was mad at him.  
Though Jim tried to be a friend and console her after the breakup, she could tell that he was very happy that Spock was free to be with him and he would not be forced to witness a repeat of the transporter room incident. Jim's constant smiling gave him away.  
Unfortunately, by making it official she and Spock were now both surrounded by idiots trying to get into both her and Spock's pants. It was all her fault. One afternoon two weeks after the official breakup, a certain colleague of hers made a nasty comment about her inability to keep her boyfriend from ‘flirting’ with the Captain. Of course, the woman in question used a lot of workplace inappropriate language when she made these nasty accusations.  
"Why should I care what Spock does with the captain? He's not my boyfriend. We are just friends now. He is free to be with whoever he wants." (Actually, she's only okay with him being with Jim. Anyone else she would have a problem with, but she was not going to tell Lieutenant Rockwell that.)  
Within the hour, Nyota had six invitations to dinner, three invitations to watch historical 21st century films at the next movie night, two invitations to teach someone a new language, and one invitation that was so sexually explicit that she sent it to her Captain to deal with. The Ensign that sent it was currently cleaning out the Captain's bathroom for the next six months the old-fashioned way.  
At dinner that evening, she had eight different men and one woman make a pass at her. Three of which, occurred before she even sat down at her table. She personally did not want the attention. She was not looking for a relationship or anything else.  
The situation got so bad that a memo was sent out about appropriate Starfleet decorum and workplace relationships. She's pretty sure that this memo was sent more on Spock's behalf than hers.  
Now if a certain Captain would make a move on Spock, he wouldn't be accosted by every single available woman (or man) on the ship. There would be no need for a ship wide memo if people knew that Spock was Jim's. Unfortunatelyk, Spock and Jim were still in the denial phase. She really thought this would end as soon as her relationship with Spock did.  
Instead, Jim watched in anger as some of the most desperate women in Starfleet tried to hit on his Spock. The first day Spock received ten invitations for dinner, five invitations to movie night, three invitations to be the father of the woman's unborn children, and one proposition that was so sexually explicit that Spock reported it to Jim. That woman is currently cleaning Nyota's bathroom for the next year in addition to taking the sexual harassment seminar.  
There are also several members of the crew who ‘accidentally’ forgot not to make direct hand contact with Spock. This appeared to be the preferred method of choice for flirting with Spock. Jim looked on with anger every time some little girl (or boy) tried to run a finger over Spock's hand. She just thought it was funny Jim never realized he was doing the same thing when she was with Spock.  
She, Brittany, the Captain and a few others were currently sitting at a table in the cafeteria watching her ex boyfriend get molested by a female nurse and a member of the security team. She thought it was funny but Jim was pissed.

"You know I figured that after being told in a very Vulcan way that he's just not interested, Dana would back off. This is like the fifth attempt." Brittany said as she started to drink her replicated juice.  
"I think I am going to have to send out another memo on appropriate behavior and respecting the cultural values of others." This was Jim Kirk code for ‘I'm going to send out a ship wide warning for everybody to keep their fucking hands off my Vulcan’. She found the desperate women (and men) throwing themselves at Spock amusing, especially because he just ignored their behavior. Jim just found it annoying.  
The fact that he was jealous of every single girl (or guy) that even looked at Spock made the situation even funnier. Not that he would admit that he was jealous, because Jim Kirk does not get jealous. Of course when it comes to Spock, Jim is always jealous.  
"Will you actually read that memo yourself this time? You do remember that we are scheduled to transport the delegation from the New Vulcan colony to Babel in a few days. I would hate for you to accidentally molest Spock's father." Nyota said as she took a bite of her grilled cheese.  
Jim was well aware that the Vulcan delegation was coming. Spock's dad purposely asked that the Enterprise be the ship that would take the Vulcan delegation to Babel. ‘Grandpa Spock’ contacted her and Jim two days ago to warn them of Sarek's true intentions. Because the Vulcan species is on the brink of extinction, Spock's father is trying to get him to settle down with a nice individual to have either 75% Vulcan babies or 25% Vulcan babies. Sarek is bringing several aides with him in the hopes that one would serve as a possible mate for Spock. Jim was not happy. They were currently not talking about that situation.  
"It was an accident. I forgot." Jim said in his defense.  
"How can you forget? You don't accidentally give someone of Vulcan BJ in a family restaurant." Brittany said this a little too loud. Nyota personally wondered how Brittany even knew about this.  
"Sometimes I forget to see Spock as a Vulcan and just see him as Spock. You told her?" He asked that last part with a little bit of shock and anger.  
"No she didn't tell me. Lieutenant Hammer and his ‘date’ for the evening were two tables away. They were close enough to get this wonderful piece of potential blackmail material." Brittany said as she passed her PADD to Jim. She was shocked to see Jim was embarrassed when he looked at the video file. She was not shocked to see that he was also turned on.  
"Don't worry. Thanks to the survival skills acquired from a certain ex-boyfriend or whatever, I was able to hack into his computer to destroy all copies of the file before they got all over the ship. That is the only copy." Only Brittany would confess to her superior officer that she hacked into the Computer System.

  
"If it wasn't for the fact that I was the one who taught you how to hack in the first place, I would put you on probation right now." Because apparently Jim was responsible for those skills. "Just promise me you will only use your powers for good."  
"I guess I'm not allowed to break into the computers for the surveillance system anymore." Britney said with a wicked smile that she did not quite get.  
"You two were together?" Nyota asked slightly surprised.  
"More like slept together a couple of dozen times over the years, but nothing recent. It's complicated." Brittany said to her quietly. She never did hear confirmation from Jim because the conversation ended abruptly when Spock sat down at the table. At that point Spock and Jim were too lost in each other to remember that she and Brittany were at the table.  
In the afternoon, when she was working with Brittany, she was able to get more details about her acquaintance with Jim. Ensign Thompson is the daughter of Captain Evelyn Thompson and First Officer Richard Thompson, but she doesn't like to advertise it. They're the reason why First Officers and Captains are now allowed to engage in relationships with each other. They were the two that challenged the fraternization policy and won. Spock and Jim need to send Brittany's parents of fruit basket.  
Her parents also happened to be survivors of the Kelvin incident. Her parents were friends that probably would have gone their separate ways if not for surviving a near death experience together. As soon as the two were rescued they declared their love for each other and were married two weeks later. Three years later Brittany was born.  
Jim and Brittany met when they were kids at Kelvin survivor reunions that they were both forced to go to. In their teenage years and at the Academy, they just clicked but it was mostly a FWB thing. They also both went to the same off world private school, but Brittany will not talk about it.  
"So that's why you're the only person that can get him to do paperwork. He really is afraid if you."  
"No, I just have way too much potential blackmail material."  
\--  
Three days later, when the Vulcan delegation arrives she watched as her captain tried to hide his obvious jealousy of the two girls and one guy brought to catch Spock's attention. It probably would have been worse if Spock showed any interest whatsoever. Spock pretty much avoided everyone in the delegation, including his other self. Actually he was avoiding his future step mom too, but that's a completely different matter. She thought it was so funny that Jim would get a very sad expression on his face every time a member of the delegation that was a non-relative so much as spoke to Spock.  
At dinner, the show of jealousy continued. She was desperately trying not to laugh as she watched Jim tried to get through the dinner without telling everyone to get off his Spock. It just wasn't possible. Good thing she was sitting next to ‘Grandfather Spock’ at this dinner. He did not find expressing amusement offensive.  
"I am pleased to see that you are in good spirits." He whispered to her so no one else heard. It probably helped that they were having this conversation in a language that his younger counterpart wasn't familiar with, but she was.  
"My stepmom said you could either laugh about a situation or cry about it. Laughter is better for the soul. Was your Jim in this much denial about his feelings for you?" She asked in the same language. She noticed his eyebrow rose a little when she said the term ‘stepmom’. She would have to ask him about that later.  
"I believed I never confirmed or denied the fact that Jim and I had a relationship in the other dimension that went beyond friendship."  
"By not confirming that you had a relationship, you confirm that you had a relationship." He gives her that same look that her Spock gives her when he gives up on trying to reason with illogical humans.  
"We were both in denial." He said slowly, giving in to her. "However, we were not in such deep denial that I would allow my Jim to engage in that type of physical contact without seeing it in a sexual light." He said in regards to the way Jim was touching Spock in front of everyone. At least it wasn't oral this time. All the Vulcan members of the delegation except for Spock's father and ‘Grandpa Spock’ were expressing the Vulcan equivalent of shock.  
In the hallway after dinner, she overheard Sarek ask Spock why he neglected to mention that he was in a romantic relationship with his captain. When Spock argued that nothing was going on his father told him that was exactly how he acted when he first fell in love with Amanda. Sarek then left a completely speechless Spock in the hallway.  
Of course, the truly hilarious moment was the next morning when Sarek asked Jim what his intentions were regarding his son. Jim's dear in headlights expression was priceless. The level of denial was getting so bad she may start researching the possibility of a truth tea that is hypoallergenic.


	14. Spock Sign Seven: Vulcans Do Not Get Jealous, But Spock Does

She was always told that Vulcans do not get jealous. Jealousy is an emotion and therefore it would be illogical to display any such emotion. Once upon a time, she believed that to be the truth.

During her relationship with Spock he never displayed any signs of jealousy when some idiot hit on her at a bar or club. (Unless that idiot was Jim, however, that is a completely different set of issues. She's also pretty sure it was a completely different type of jealousy) Spock never said anything when some lost soul followed her around campus like a lost puppy. Spock was not irritated by the fact that every guy on the starship started hitting on her the moment it became public knowledge, a little over two weeks ago, that they were no longer together romantically.

As her friend, he was concerned for her well-being, but he did not raise an eyebrow in irritation. (To see why she's still actually friends with that guy who is subconsciously in love with her captain see signs seven of her other reflection on crazy captains who live in denial land.)

Like pretty much everything else, the ‘Vulcans do not get jealous’ preconception went out the window the moment Jim and Spock met each other. Jim Kirk special skill is making you realize your preconceptions are completely wrong. (Now if only he could make himself realize his ‘just friends’ preconception regarding Spock was completely false things would be wonderful.)

Before Jim, she could tell herself that Vulcan's do not get jealous and because Spock is a Vulcan, he does not get jealous. Therefore that's why he does not use the Vulcan nerve pinch on every idiot who tries to pinch her ass. (Not that Nyota needed him to protect her; contrary to what the security staff believed, she can kick their ass herself.)

After Jim, she had to change her view on the subject. Vulcan's may not display jealousy, but Spock does. More and more recently, she has realized that she needs to see Spock as an individual and not the sole representative of his entire species. When it comes to Jim, Spock acts like a teenage girl with a crush on the star basketball player. When Jim gives attention to anyone else, Spock acts like a jealous 15 year old who is about to beat down the head cheerleader.

Even when they were still together, his jealousy regarding Jim was obvious. Spock became very uncomfortable every time Jim flirted with someone or someone flirted with him. By uncomfortable, she meant Spock would look away or raise an eyebrow in irritation. This was code for ‘I am jealous of the attention that he is giving you’ or ‘get the hell away from my Jim’.

If Jim were to smile at a member of the crew in a way that could be perceived as flirting, Spock would raise one eyebrow 2.1 mm. This was Spock behavior for ‘I am irritated by the fact you are smiling for anyone other than me. Please cease and desist immediately’.

If Jim laughed a little too long at someone's joked during a diplomatic dinner Spock would raise both eyebrows marginally and frowned slightly. This was Spock behavior for ‘I do not appreciate you showing any attention to someone else other than me. Please only show attention to me’.

If Jim were to make direct hand contact with anyone Spock would raise both eyebrows as high as possible and give the person the Vulcan death glare. Actually she might as well call it the Spock death glare because she seriously doubted most Vulcans would show that much emotion in their eyes. You can distinguish this death glare from his normal glare because he clinches his hands slightly. This is Spock behavior for ‘Get the fuck off my Jim, before I rip all your appendages from your body with my bare hands’.

Then there was the ultimate display of jealousy a few weeks ago before the breakup that almost led to a diplomatic incident. The whole thing was not Jim or Spock's fault. At least, that is what she tries to tell herself so she doesn't kill them.

The person in charge of putting the briefing papers together regarding the planet they visited at the time forgot to include a small portion about the traditional greeting of the planet. On that planet, it was customary to grab the genitalia of a person when you met them for the first time. Apparently, this was a gesture of goodwill in their culture. This was the same as waving hello.

Unfortunately, nobody told Spock this. When the leader of the delegation tried to extend this greeting to Jim, Spock gave her the Vulcan nerve pinch. Nyota was just glad she was not the translator on the away team that day. She did not find out about the whole mess until hours later when they were trying to explain to Admiral Pike why negotiations almost fell apart and they violated several Starfleet regulations by being on the planet together. It turned out they told Admiral Pike a greatly edited version of the truth.

After the breakup, Brittany finally told her the entire story as she shows her the video file. It would be funny if it wasn't for the fact that Spock's actions almost derailed the peace treaty that they were sent to oversee. If it wasn't for Brittany's quick thinking, war would have broken out.

"So after Spock knocked the leader of one of the delegations unconscious, her security team draws their weapons on us. Fortunately, I was able to convince everyone that Spock's reaction was caused by a perceived threat to his mate. They let the whole thing go after that. It actually helped negotiations because in both cultures those who are married are considered to be much wiser than those who are unmarried." Britney explained.

"The leaders had no problem whatsoever believing that they were married to each other?" Nyota asked really not that surprised.

"You've seen those two together. They have acted like an old married couple since practically the beginning of the mission. It probably helped that the members of one of the delegations were very familiar with Vulcan anatomy and saw the two of them engage in a very heavy Vulcan petting session during the meal break. The best part is Jim and Spock had no idea whatsoever. I had a hard time not laughing during the negotiations."

She personally felt the fact that they had no idea what happened was the biggest problem of all. Even complete strangers see what's going on. For everyone's sanity she really needs to lock them in a closet at this point.

Two days later after finding out what really happened, she put in a recommendation that Brittany be promoted to the rank of lieutenant for single-handedly saving these particular negotiations. When Jim questioned her recommendation, she told Jim the entire crazy story. His only response was, "so that's why the leaders kept referring to Spock by my last name." Jim was currently trying to figure out a way to get Brittany that promotion without telling Admiral Pike the entire story.

\---

The almost diplomatic incident was bad enough but what happened over the last three days was on its own level. Honestly, it takes a special kind of individual to be jealous of himself. After being in close proximity with several other Vulcans recently, it was obvious that Spock's jealousy was something unique to him. It was also obvious to everyone that Spock was jealous of Ambassador Spock. Even Brittany could see it and she did not know that Spock's ‘grandfather’ was really Spock from an alternate dimension.

Three days ago, they picked up the Vulcan delegation for transport to Babel with several other delegations for a major two-week conference. The original unofficial purpose of Enterprise picking up the Vulcan delegation was so Ambassador Sarek could play matchmaker with his son.

He backed off the moment he realized that Jim and Spock were completely in love with each other. It was probably for the best, considering the two aides of Vulcan ancestry that Sarek brought with him kept making nasty comments about Spock being of partial human ancestry. Jim's reaction to this is a rant unto itself.

Fortunately, not every Vulcan on the delegation is a prejudice isolationist prick or bitch. Spock's future Stepmom was very nice in a Vulcan way. It probably helped that she lived on earth for the last 10 years as a college professor teaching Vulcan studies at some of the top universities in Europe. Her story wasn't that unusual among the survivors of the Battle of Vulcan. 87% of all remaining Vulcan's were either away on travel or living off planet at the time of the planet's destruction. Spock was still avoiding her because no matter how ‘nice’ she was, she was not his mom.

Yesterday during one of her conversations with ‘Grandpa Spock’, Nyota found out that Spock's future stepmom was the one delaying the marriage to give Spock time to adjust to her. ‘Grandpa Spock’ also made a comment about her being more tolerable than his stepmom the first time around.

This led to a discussion about Nyota's stepmom. It turns out in the prime reality, her parents stayed happily married until their deaths. Then again in the prime dimension Nyota's uncle didn't die when she was a child sending her mom into a horrible depression that led to her doing things that completely wrecked her parents' marriage. Her dad refused to let her be raised by an alcoholic who cheated on him.

Nyota's also found out that her uncle just happened to be married to the guy who she thought was just his best friend in this reality. They still found each other in the prime reality, even if they didn't find their way to Starfleet. Spock prime was shocked to find out her uncle's husband in his dimension was the first openly gay captain in this reality.

Because Captain Rodriguez never joined Starfleet in the prime reality there was not an 'openly' gay or bisexual captain (from the perspective of the ~~vultures~~ media) in Starfleet for another 10 years and that person wasn't the Jim from the prime reality. It turns out that nurture wins in the battle of nature vs. nurture. Where in their reality Jim Kirk would have no problem whatsoever being the grand marshal at a LGBTP pride parade, the prime dimension Jim Kirk was the ultimate closet case from what she gathered. Then again in this dimension, Spock would probably be standing right by Jim the entire time.

Her former boyfriend had no problems whatsoever with her hanging out with his other self. She liked being around this Spock because he wasn't a lovesick fool who was in complete denial. However, her Spock was furious in a very Spock way, that his other self was spending time with his Jim.

Before a very uncomfortable dinner the first night, Jim offered to show ‘Grandpa Spock’ around the ship personally. When Spock over her the suggestion he raised both eyebrows 2.6 MM and utilize the Spock version of the scowl. This is Spock behavior for ‘I do not want you spending time in the company of my Captain’. The older Spock could read the sign almost as well as her and declined Jim's invitation.

Instead, Ensign Thompson showed him around the ship. Later on, he would remark to Nyota that he never met Brittany in the original timeline. Nyota explained to him why there was a strong chance that Brittany most likely did not exist in the original timeline. His only comment was, "I am pleased to learn that not all consequences of the time line being changed were negative in nature."

On the second day of the delegation being on the ship, Jim invited ‘Grandpa Spock’ to see the bridge. This led to a 20 minute argument between captain and first officer that Brittany refer to as a ‘lover's Spat’ about Starfleet regulations involving civilians on the bridge. The situation was defused when Brittany offered to take the ambassador to the language lab for the afternoon.

Later that same day the older Spock offered to play a game of chess with the captain. He rescinded his offer after Spock the younger told him to back off in a very Spock way.

Today, Spock and his other self got into a Vulcan style argument in the cafeteria. Because during a Vulcan style argument voices are not raise, no one else could tell that they were arguing because they were speaking in Vulcan. However, she and Brittany could understand everything. They were trying very hard not to laugh. This argument continued until the Spock who was completely in denial about being in love with Jim was shocked into silence by ‘Grandpa Spock's’ next words.

"You do not need to be jealous of me young one. I do not intend to interfere with your relationship with your T'hy'la." With that ‘Grandfather Spock’ joined the rest of the delegation from New Vulcan. Brittany was still laughing when Spock made it to the table.

"You know it takes a very special person, Commander, to be jealous of their self." Before Spock could argue that Vulcans do not get jealous, they realized what Brittany just said. Within seconds, Spock and Jim were dragging Brittany to one of the classified briefing rooms. She was asked to tag along as Brittany’s supervisor and the only other person who was supposed to know about the true identity of ‘Grandpa Spock’.

"Ensign Thompson how exactly do you know that piece of highly classified information?" Spock asked the moment the door closed behind them.

"Do you really expect me to spend so much time with the ambassador and not pick up on the fact that you and he have many of the same mannerisms? I'm also a trained linguistics specialist. Two of my skills are identifying voices and speech patterns. Although, he is significantly older than you are, your voice patterns are practically identical. Finally, I grew up on a starship. I'm an expert at finding out classified information. I also know by now not to tell anybody else what I know." After they dismiss Brittany from the room Jim sat down at the conference table.

"At least now I can tell Admiral Pike that she needs to become a lieutenant so we can raise her security clearance." Jim said in exasperation. "There are some days when I think they put her on the ship to punish me." Jim said as he put his head down on the table.

"Indeed." Spock said in agreement.

She could let things end at that, but she just had to say the next thing under her breath. "You're the one who slept with her."

She blamed Vulcan hearing for the massive argument that occurred next where Jim tried to explain that it happened years before he met Spock. She was out in the corridor before she could analyze his particular phrasing. There she saw Brittany connecting a PADD to the locking mechanism of the door.

"What are you doing?" Nyota asked slightly shocked.

"Saving our sanity, I designed this program to automatically disengage if an emergency comes up, but they are staying in there until they stop acting like two year olds. Leaders from three of the delegations have already asked me and several of the other officers if our two most senior commanding officers are having 'marriage problems'. I used to do this all the time when my parents were arguing too much about silly things. Let's just say there's a reason why I was not allowed anywhere near the science or engineering tracks. Jim made a really good tutor." Britney said all too innocently as she held Jim and Spock’s PADD is in her hands. Apparently, being a pickpocket was also one of those skills that she picked up from everyone’s favorite genius level repeat offender.

Being her superior officer, she should stop this from happening. However, as a woman who is about to strangle her two best friends because they're being idiots she decides to let Brittany lock them in the conference room for a few hours. Maybe they could work off just a bit of that tension. Besides if they really wanted out of the room, she sure they could get out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: One of the writers of the actual film said that the number of 10,000 that Spock gave during his monologue after the destruction of Vulcan, only refers to those who were evacuated from the planet. It would only seem logical that a lot of Vulcan's lived off planet or just happened to be lucky enough to be on vacation during the destruction. That is why I'm going with a significantly higher number than just 10,000.


	15. Jim Sign Eight: Jim Kirk is protective of his Vulcan

Jim Kirk is very protective of his crew. If she didn't know this before, she was well aware of it after he stayed with her for a day and a half during the truth tea incident. It is obvious that Jim Kirk will do anything to protect any member of his crew in battle or other crisis situations. When it comes to Spock, it is more than that.  
With the crew, it was more like brotherly protection or maybe even like a father protecting his children. Maybe, in the beginning, it started that way with Spock. Over time, his protection of Spock became more territorial. It also became more like a lover protecting his most beloved possession then than a brother protecting his sibling. There were still elements of brotherly protection in there as well. Now she understood why the Vulcan language has a word that means brother, lover, and friend simultaneously.  
Over the course of the last few months in these rants she has given several examples of Jim's protective behavior regarding Spock. This ranges from not saying the name Amanda out loud in his presence to being there for Spock when his relationship with her was falling apart. This also included Jim acting like a jealous toddler when Spock is with other people, but that too has its own special rant.  
She knew for a fact that he stayed with Spock the night of their breakup. She caught him leaving Spock's room at the hotel. He told her nothing was going on, but she wasn't sure if that was the denial talking or not. Nyota decided not to ask too many questions because Jim and Spock were getting good at dodging them.  
The crew knew that practical jokes or inappropriate conduct involving Spock was a serious offence punishable by the craziest things that a genius repeat offender could come up with. The three officers that were stupid enough to try a repeat of the April fool's incident by spiking Spock's food with cocoa powder are currently assigned to be Scotty's special engineer helpers for the next six months. The girl who yesterday tried to molest Spock in front of the entire Vulcan delegation will be suffering through the longest seminar possible that Nyota can put together on appropriate cultural decorum. Even Jim's friend Dr. McCoy has learned not to say mean things about Spock in Jim's presents. (She won't call Dr. McCoy Jim's best friend anymore. The title at some point became Spock's and he will keep it even when they finally admit that they love each other. She's jealous of the fact that they will probably be able to be friends and lovers when she and Spock were never able to be both simultaneously.)  
She truly did not comprehend what Jim was willing to do to protect Spock until she witnessed Jim go head to head with Admiral Pike. She was now aware that this wasn't the first time that Jim lied to Starfleet to protect Spock. More accurately, it was probably the fourth or fifth at this point.  
The first time was regarding the ‘bridge incident’. According to the official report after Jim ‘spoke’ with Spock, he realized that he was emotionally compromised and resigned his position. There was not one mention of Spock bending Kirk over a control panel and trying to kill him or at the very least strangle him. (Even she is starting to believe Brittany's erotic asphyxiation argument. Nyota needs more friends. Preferably, some which are not crazy.)  
At the time, no one who wanted to could contradict Jim's account because the surveillance footage mysteriously disappeared along with any other evidence that would disprove Jim's account. Most people like her who actually were on the bridge chose to go along with Jim's edited version of events. Even in light of the fact his planet and his mom died right before the incident, she seriously doubted they would let Spock be first officer of the Enterprise after attempted murder of his future captain.  
She now knows that Jim had Brittany hack into the computer system to destroy all the electronic evidence so he could not be traced to the disappearance. She has since discovered that the only reason why Brittany was in the communications track was that the Admiralty and her mother were absolutely terrified of her picking up any more computer skills.  
She's pretty sure Jim was not counting on Brittany posting certain scenes from the incident in a sexual context for the entire ship to see. Although, knowing Jim, maybe he asked her to do it. If everybody thought the entire thing was a sex game, how could Spock get in trouble for attempted murder or assault of an officer? Thanks to Brittany's ‘rumors’, even the people who actually saw what happened were not sure what happened anymore.  
\---  
The other incident that she is aware of happened around two months ago. She remembered listening to Jim tell an Admiral that Spock utilize the Vulcan nerve pinch after a leader of a delegation made a threatening overture. Because of Jim’s sparkling smile, his version of the truth was accepted and everybody went along with his version of what happened.  
The truth was a very jealous Spock overreacted when the leader of one of the delegations touched his property inappropriately from his perspective. (To learn more about what really happen, see her other rant on jealous former boyfriends who are starting to lose their semi Vulcan mind due to Jim Kirk.)  
\--  
Now they are essentially in a videoconference with Admiral Pike discussing the aftermath of what Jim is referring to as ‘the invasion of the Vulcans’. The only good thing about that mission was nobody died.  
"If it was anybody else, I would find it impossible for him or her to get in this much trouble during a simple assignment to transport delegates to a conference." Admiral Pike said shaking his head.  
"Sir, with all due respect, there's nothing simple about trying to keep members from several different delegations from killing each other." Jim said looking directly at Pike.  
"Yet, you're the one who punched a member of the Vulcan delegation, not that we have anything but the victims word to go by. The Enterprise's surveillance system is suffering again from that same malfunction that seems to cause very important surveillance footage to disappear." For some reason, he looked at Brittany directly when he said this. She was asked to bring Ensign Thompson to the meeting and sit on this discussion herself. She wasn't entirely sure why she was here.  
"Let's start with something simple. Why was it never reported that Ensign Thompson imprison you and Commander Spock in a classified conference room against your will? Instead, I get a request to give Ms. Thompson a promotion 24 hours after the incident allegedly occurred." Frustration was evident in the man's voice as he spoke.  
So that's why she was here to witness this. She's not even sure how Pike found out about that incident. She never told anybody what Brittany did. Spock and Kirk chose not to report the incident because it turns out they did not realize they were locked in the room because of Brittany's programming skills until she told them what she did. They just assumed the privacy lock malfunctioned. When she asked Jim and Spock why they engaged the privacy lock, they ask her how things were going in her department.  
"Sir, your statement isn't accurate." Brittany said in her defense.  
"So you did not lock the two most senior commanding officers of your ship in a conference room against their will?" Nyota is amazed that the Admiral was able to ask this with a straight face.  
"I admit that I did lock Captain Kirk and Commander Spock in one of the classified conference rooms. I object to your allegation that it was against their will." Nyota will not laugh at the absurdity of the situation. Laughing in front of your admiral is bad.  
"Do you have any idea how dangerous something like that is Ensign Thompson? Although you were not an active member of Starfleet at the time, you have probably logged more hours on a starship than anyone else has on Enterprise. You of all people know how dangerous it is for the highest ranking officers to become unavailable in a crisis situation."  
"Yes, I know how dangerous such a situation could be, which is why I designed the program to automatically disengage if the ship goes into crisis mode. Second, I locked the guy who created the Kobayashi Maru and the guy who hacked into the Kobayashi Maru in a room together with computer access." Of course, Brittany neglected to mention that she "borrowed" their PADDs. "If they really wanted to get out of that room they could have easily beaten my program. I'm just a little old linguistics expert. I don't know anything about computers." That sentence was so ridiculous even Spock rolled his eyes.  
"We both know that the only reason why you did not track to become a science officer with a computer specialization was that it was part of your plea bargain after you reprogrammed every ship in the fleet to play the original recording of the song Bombs over Baghdad every time the ships went into combat mode over the PA system. It took two weeks for Starfleet's brightest minds to undo what you did to the system." Pike said sternly. Jim actually looked ashamed because he probably was the one who gave her the idea and skills to do it.   
"I still don't see why everybody was so mad about that. I was a bored 16 year old with way too much time on my hands. I exposed a very major flaw in the Starfleet computer network. If you remember correctly, then Cadet Spock managed to discover the system error within two hours of being allowed to work on the project. That alone proves my point that either of them could have beaten the program quickly, if they wanted to."  
"However, your actions were still malicious in intent." The Admiral said glaring directly at Britney.  
"My actions were not malicious." Of course, Brittany's intent was not malicious. What's malicious about trying to get your captain and his first officer to stop acting like infants and confess that they love each other?   
"I did not lock them in the room for the sake of locking them in the room and keeping them away from commanding the ship. It was a team building exercise. The whole purpose of the exercise was to get them to break out of the room. The only way they were going to get out of the room was to stop acting like two five year olds and work together. It is not in the best interest of the ship to have the ship's two most senior officers arguing in the hallway." Nyota was biting her lip as not to laugh at Britney's ludicrous explanation.  
Both Spock and Jim were giving her the death glare as Brittany said this. At this point Nyota realized they did not report with Brittany did deliberately because then they would have to explain why they were arguing or more importantly what they were arguing about. Do you really want to tell the Admiralty that you were fighting with your first officer because you're in love with him, but are too scared to admit it?  
"Honestly sir, we didn't even know that Ensign Thompson engaged the program until after the fact. We simply assumed the privacy lock malfunctioned. Once we realized we were locked in the room, it took Spock and me about 15 minutes to deactivate her program." Jim said with fake innocence.  
"I assume that the guy who believed cheating on the Kobayashi Maru was a valid strategy, would accept Ensign Thompson's argument?" Pike asked with a sigh.  
"I do find Ensign Thompson's argument valid. We were behaving in an inappropriate way before being locked in the room. It was not appropriate for us to argue with each other in front of the crew and visiting dignitaries. We needed to calm down and being stuck in the room for a while did accomplish that." Spock instantly agreed with Jim’s statement.  
"What were you and Commander Spock arguing about?" Only Nyota caught the slight look of hesitation that Jim had momentarily before he went into his explanation of events.  
"Sir, we were discussing the implementation of certain Starfleet regulations." Spock and Jim then proceeded to give a highly detailed synapses of the argument from the day before the conference room incident that made Pike regret asking the question. Of course, Jim left out any mention of Spock's extremely jealous behavior or his extremely jealous behavior for that matter. They were both being extremely territorial with each other.  
"Since we have no complaining victims, I will let the situation with Ensign Thompson drop. Ensign Thompson you are dismissed." After Brittany left the room Admiral Pike asked the question that has been on her mind for the last few days. She doubted even Admiral Pike could get a straight answer.  
"Why exactly did it take you and Commander Spock over an hour to realize that you were locked in the room?"  
"We were discussing important ship business involving Ensign Thompson's promotion and improving our handling of classified material." Jim said this with his brilliant smile displayed as prominently as possible. Nyota knew he was seriously hoping those eyelashes and smile worked on Pike, so he would not ask any more questions regarding this event.  
"Commander Spock, do you agree with Captain Kirk's account of your discussion?"  
"What Captain Kirk described was accurate. In the conference room we discussed many matters relating to the well being of the ship." Now she knew that Spock was not necessarily lying but omitting certain pertinent facts.  
"I thought Vulcans do not lie?" She had to try very hard to keep herself from laughing when Pike asked this. She reminded herself once again it would be highly inappropriate to laugh in front of Pike.  
"We do not sir."  
\---  
No one knows what happened in that conference room but Spock and Jim. What she does know is five minutes into being in the conference room together they engaged the privacy lock. They spent the next hour involved in some activity that had Jim and Spock so distracted that they did not even tried to get out of the room. When they left the room, one of the conference room chairs was broken and they were both very disheveled. Whatever happened in that room, the two men in front of her were lying through their teeth to keep Pike from finding out.  
There are basically two rumors going around the ship involving what happened. Rumor number one is that Spock and Jim had another knockout drag out fight in the conference room resulting in Spock trying to kill Jim again. She personally doesn't buy into this because one, they are completely in love with each other. Two, if they were going to fight they would do it in the workout room instead of a conference room. Also, they would most likely wait until after hours. Finally, contrary to what certain people tried to tell themselves, those were not bruises on Jim's neck.  
The second rumor going around the ship was that Jim and Spock had sex in the conference room. This one is more viable. First, they are completely in love with each other. Second, Jim left the room only wearing his black T shirt. His command yellow top was severely damage during their ‘conversation’. Most importantly, that thing that everybody thought was a bruise is really a bite mark. She knows from personal experience that a certain supposedly repressed Vulcan has a biting fetish. Usually he remembered not to bite in places that can be easily seen when wearing an uniform.  
Those who believe they got into a knock out drag out fight will argue that their behavior has not changed enough to signify that they had had sex. She doesn't believe that argument. Because it's none of their business, she will not point out the fact that Jim and Spock have been in love with each other for months and have already engaged in certain behaviors of a sexual nature.  
They've already had Vulcan oral sex in front of her in a family restaurant on shore leave before her and Spock technically broke up. They have also repeated the act several times in front of her. Every single time they deny that it happened.  
She is pretty sure they did have sex or at the very least did something in that room of a sexual nature. However, does sex even count if they keep arguing up and down that they are just friends? Again, whenever she tries to talk to them about what happen in that room they change the subject as fast as possible.  
Either scenario would get Spock and/or Jim in trouble. Getting in a physical altercation with a superior officer is a serious offence. Having sex with a fellow officer when you're supposed to be on duty is also a serious offence. Starfleet cannot say anything about them having sex when they are not on duty thanks to Brittany's parents suing them like crazy.  
\----  
Pike, realizing that he was never going to find out what happened in that conference room, decided to move on to yesterday afternoon's incident involving Jim punching the now former aide to Ambassador Spock of new Vulcan, Schreck.  
The official story is that the aid was behaving in an inappropriate way and was rendered unconscious via Vulcan nerve pinch by Spock. Of course, they never specified which Spock.  
The truth of the matter is that Schreck was being an absolute prick. Since Schreck and his sister T'Pan, who worked for Ambassador Sarek, arrived on the ship they have been nothing but nasty to Spock. They treated him as less, simply because he is also part human. Schreck was a complete idiot because he was unable to realize that his boss was not only half human but the same person he was insulting.  
When both ambassadors were around the two aides were complete suck ups. From what Ambassador Spock told her, he was pretty sure both were only interested in bonding with Spock the younger because he came from an extremely wealthy family that ironically enough was even wealthier after the destruction of Vulcan do to inheriting many off planet assets.  
This assumption was verified by their behavior when alone with Spock. On the last day when Ambassador Spock and Ambassador Sarek were in conference room seven Spock and Jim were eating lunch with Spock's future stepmom T'Pay in the Officer's dining room. Actually, Spock was being forced to spend time with T'Pay and Jim was there for moral support. Nyota was dragged along to play buffer.  
The lunch was actually going well due to the fact that Spock and T'Pay had many of the same interests. That was ruined by Schreck and T'Pan walking into the formal dining room. Schreck made some nasty comments about Spock using several derogatory terms which made Jim so angry that she was sure he was channeling that guy she met in Iowa who liked to get in bar fights.  
Spock was literally pulling a very protective Jim back down to the table and started stroking his hand. She was sure that only she and T'Pay could see the very intimate gesture. When she talked to both of them later about what she saw, they used that just friends excuse again. At that point, she was ready to deck both of them herself.  
T'Pay retaliated by making the following snide remark in high Vulcan to Schreck, "The only thing smaller than your microscopic genitalia is your minuscule intellect."  
Schreck retaliated by saying that T'Pay has been tainted by her contact with humans. She then thanked him for his compliment. At that point, Jim was calm enough to try being a diplomat and escort Schreck out of the dining area. She already called security the moment Spock had to physically restrain Jim.  
Schreck then roughly pushed Jim aside and proceeded to call Spock the son of a human prostitute. The exact Vulcan word translates out to something dirtier than that but she chooses not to use that term in polite company.  
When Spock does not react at all, he called Jim the same nasty word in Vulcan along with a very nasty word in Vulcan that is used to ridicule those who are homosexual. She felt this was funny considering Schreck at the very least must be bisexual unless he had other reasons to enter marriage alliance with a guy.  
She could see that Spock was clenching his fists but she was sure the idiot could not see this. Next, Schreck made the dangerous mistake of referring to Amanda by the same nasty Vulcan word for prostitute as the two ambassadors walked into the room without his knowledge.  
She saw Spock raise one eyebrow and gave the idiot in question his ‘I'm going to kick your ass’ look. Jim looked absolutely still and calm. Of the two men, she expected Spock to throw the first punch. Honestly, she did not think her captain was stupid enough to provoke an individual that was three times stronger than him. There was also no way that he would know exactly what those words meant.  
She really needed to remember to never assume anything when Jim Kirk was involved. First of all, Jim Kirk is an impulsive idiot who acts first and gets patched up in Sick Bay later. Second, her ‘genius in the closet’ captain speaks both high and standard Vulcan fluently. Finally, this was the same guy who almost got himself killed by baiting the same Vulcan that he is now completely in love with.  
As Nyota was trying to stop her friend from ripping apart Schreck with his bare hands, her beyond stupid Captain decided to sucker punch a Vulcan. The idiot in question then attacked Jim, which triggered Spock's over protectiveness. Spock then proceeded to beat the hell out of Schreck. The security team just watched in horror as the scene continued.  
Fortunately, for their sake ‘Grandpa Spock’ was nowhere near as impulsive as his younger counterpart. He was the one who had the good sense to render all three of them unconscious with a little help. It was quite funny to see three twenty something’s knocked out by a man well into his second century of life.  
After regaining consciousness and losing his job, Schreck apparently notified Starfleet of what happened leaving out lots of details like the fact he pushed Jim first.  
After getting the severely edited version from Jim that left out that Spock the younger did anything against regulations, Admiral Pike stared at both men in absolute disbelief. He was rubbing his temple with his hands.  
"Captain Kirk and Commander Spock you are dismissed. We will discuss these matters again at a later time." Admiral Pike said with a frustrated sigh. For some reason, she was asked to stay behind. The moment Jim and Spock were out of the room he was laughing.  
"Are you okay Admiral?" She asked as he continued laughing uncontrollably.  
"That was just the most farfetched story I've ever heard. Do they actually expect anyone to believe that is what happened?" He asked him between laughter.  
"I'm sure they believe the story," she mumbled under breath.  
"They do realize that there's nothing wrong with the two of them dating or engaging in any type a relationship?" The admiral asked in exasperation. She has been experiencing that emotion a lot recently.  
"Yes sir, they are very familiar with the regulations. Unfortunately, they're still in denial about the status of their relationship to their selves. I seriously doubt they can be honest with Starfleet when they are being dishonest with themselves."  
"Considering Starfleet has received several wedding presents for the two, we are well aware of their relationship. We are also aware of Ensign Thompson's true actions during what I am personally referring to as the ‘nerve pinch diplomatic incident’ and how her quick thinking prevented war from breaking out. Her promotion to lieutenant has been approved despite her most recent indiscretion. As for the captain and commander, there's no proof that they did anything wrong due to the surveillance footage disappearing. I will create my own special punishment." He said with a mysterious smile.  
"That seems fair."  
"You may want to remind a certain subordinate not to include certain things in emails to her brother such as the possibility of her captain and his first officer having sex in a classified conference room during lunch after she locked them in the room." So that's how he found out.  
"I will try to remember to do so, sir," She said pinching the bridge of her nose.  
"Also, wish the happy couple luck." The admiral said still smirking. "I expect to receive an invitation to the wedding any day now."  
After ending the transmission with the Admiral, she came to the conclusion that drastic measures were needed. She didn't think she or the ship could take much more of this. More importantly, she could not take much more of this.


	16. Spock Sign Eight: Protectiveness, Caring, and Emotional support from a Vulcan

Spock has always been protective of those he cares about, even if caring is an emotion. When they were together, he always walked her back from night classes to make sure she was safe. When she dragged him to clubs or parties against his will no matter how much he really wanted to he did not leave until she was in the care of a friend.  
Thinking about it now a crowded dance club is not the best place for a touch telepath to be. It's impossible to be in that type of place without being touched. In addition, some crazy little girl would try to play with his ears every time.  
After they broke up most of the stupid guys on the crew that kept hitting on her backed off once their commanding officer told them in a very Vulcan way to stop annoying her. He also may have been the one to reprimand that idiot who sent her a second dirty message. By reprimand, she means forcing the idiot to be Scotty’s special engineering helper for the rest of his time on Enterprise.  
She is even starting to think that Spock isn't telling her about his new physical relationship with Jim because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. She knows they're physically together now, even with the lack of confirmation. Seriously, Spock needs to remember not to bite in visible places  
She is positive that they still don't realize how much they love each other. Maybe they think their friends with benefits, but she doesn't know this for sure because they won't tell her. Contrary to what they think, she will not fall apart just because Spock and Jim are now sleeping together.  
Spock risked his life to save his mother even if he wasn't successful. Almost everybody but Jim and Nyota will argue that Spock went down to a dying planet to save the cultural core of Vulcan civilization. Both she and Jim know that he risked his life to protect his mother. His failure to protect her in that instance has affected him deeper than anything else that occurred during those painful days.  
She knows that Spock was very weary of his future stepmom T'Pay, because he was worried about his dad. Not that he would ever admit to such a thing. When Jim told Spock at their first chess game post Vulcan invasion that most children show they love their parents by trying to run off the perspective new partner, Spock said he did not understand human logic in this instance. She just laughed.  
As soon as Jim managed to get himself on the very exclusive ‘people Spock cares about’ list, Spock became very protective of Kirk. She could give dozens of examples where Spock put himself in danger to protect Jim.  
Although the nerve pinch diplomatic incident is a prime example of jealous behavior, it is also a good example of protective behavior. From the footage she saw of the incident, the first thing Spock did was step in front of Jim when weapons were drawn.  
When Jim tried to protect Spock's honored by punching out a certain aide to Ambassador Spock, his Spock jumped right into the fight to keep Jim from getting his ass kicked by a guy three times stronger than him.  
Spock also omitted certain facts when speaking to the Admiralty about the incident. Okay let's call it what it is, Spock lied to Admiral Pike to protect Jim.  
She's also sure that he is lying about what happened in that conference room just as much as Jim was. Does Spock believe anybody but the severely delusional believes they were just discussing ship business in a locked conference room for an hour? They were so preoccupied in that room, they didn't even realize that they were locked in. How did they manage to break a chair, if they were just discussing important matters pertaining to the ship? She's mentally rolling her eyes just thinking about it.  
She is now aware that it would severely damage Jim's reputation if it became public knowledge that they had sex, in one of its many forms, in a classified conference room when they were supposed to be on duty.  
Over the last 10 months, Jim has been doing a lot to rehabilitate his image as the ship’s slut. Most people on the ship are not familiar enough with Starfleet regulations to know that it's perfectly acceptable for Jim and Spock to be in a relationship. Sometimes the perception of wrongdoing is worse than the real thing. Spock would not do anything that would undermine Jim's command if it could be helped. Public knowledge of such an incident could undermine Jim's command.  
She discovered another example of Spock's protectiveness just a few days ago. Spock was the one who had Brittany destroy the surveillance footage of Jim punching Schreck in the officers' lounge, not Jim as she originally suspected.  
In exchange for not reporting her childish prank of locking him and Jim in the conference room, Spock asked Brittany to destroy the footage before transmission to Starfleet, so he could not be traced to the disappearance. Of course, somehow Starfleet found out about the whole thing anyway. (To see what happened during the most uncomfortable conversation she has ever witnessed with Admiral Pike, see her other reflection on captains and first officers who are in love but are to delusional to admit it to themselves, let alone Starfleet.)  
Despite Starfleet not having any evidence of what happened during what Jim is referring to as the ‘invasion of the Vulcans’ no one got away with what happened. The first person punished was Brittany, who was transferred to another ship less than 24 hours after the meeting with Admiral Pike. She will not go into Jim and Spock's punishment right now because that deserves its own special rant.  
Anybody on Enterprise would tell you that being transferred to a different assignment is a punishment, even if a promotion was involved. Due to a shortage of qualified people, the crew of Enterprise has been susceptible to transfers. No one is happy about these transfers.  
The fact that Brittany was transferred to her mother's ship cemented the idea that it was an actual punishment. You cannot even serve on a ship under the command of your parents without half a dozen waivers being signed. It was really not an issue until recently, but with so much of the fleet decimated after the Battle of Vulcan mandatory retirement ages were being thrown out the window. She was well aware that it was a punishment even if others did not.  
"You’d think they would have thought of something less cruel to do to her. Then again they transferred out 10% of my crew in the last week." Jim said to her one day in the officer's dining lounge as they were eating lunch together. Someone did a really good job of putting the room back together again.  
"I hardly think getting promoted is a punishment." Spock pointed out without even raising an eyebrow. She personally thinks Spock is just happy a certain ex girlfriend of Jim's is gone. She caught him almost smiling for 1.2 seconds when he saw the transfer orders.  
"It is when you have to serve under a woman who treats you like a deficient two year old. Captain Evelyn Thompson is not a nice person, even if she is a good captain. She hates her children because they can't be perfect enough. She sees them as props to advance her career and not as children. You don't act out like that when you have a happy childhood. If I ever have kids, I never want them the feel like they cannot be good enough." She knows from a lot of conversations in personal experience that there was more going on here than she was aware of, but she did and ask questions.  
"I think my worst nightmare would be to have to work under my mother. Actually, that would be my second worst fear. My worst fear would be that they would transfer my bridge crew mid mission. Due to the command shortage, I wouldn't be surprised if they try to give Spock his own ship eventually."  
"Due to the fact that you out rank your mother, I seriously doubt that would ever be a problem." She could see Spock squeezing his hand a little under the table as he said this.  
Honestly, did they really think she did not see these things? She wasn't like half the crew who were in denial about their relationship. People who were just friends do not act like these two. Then again maybe they're ok with her knowing this but not everyone else. She didn't know, because they wouldn't tell her.  
"I don't think my actual rank would matter much to her. She still sees me as that complete fuck up who can never measure up to the ghost of my father. All she sees is his ghost. I could become an admiral and she wouldn't care. She could not even be bothered to call me after we all saved earth. She probably didn't care because she was off planet at the time. Let's just hope we never have the displeasure of stopping at Starbase 26." Picking up Jim's discomfort Spock quickly change the subject. Crazy moms who severely emotionally damage their children were not mentioned for the rest of the meal.  
At the time, she was too busy focusing on his angry rant against his mother to pick up on the other thing he was worried about. She knows that Jim didn't have a very happy childhood. Everybody he cared about left him behind physically or emotionally. Even his brother ran away eventually. It was obvious that the possibility of his friends such as her or Dr. McCoy getting transferred to another ship before the end of the mission scared him. However, she knew what he was most afraid of was losing Spock. Unfortunately, it was highly probable.  
Under normal circumstances, Spock would be able to serve out his full five years as Jim's first officer without the threat of transfer. The problem was there is a shortage of command officers thanks to a certain psychotic Romulan.  
She may have over heard a recent conversation where Spock was offered his own ship. She may have also over heard Spock tell Starfleet under no circumstances whatsoever was he leaving Enterprise. Fortunately, this time it wasn't an order. She hoped they came out of denial soon, because if this shortage gets worse, there won't be a choice anymore. It seems like the only thing that is going to keep Spock on the ship is tandem assignments for married couples. She wasn't sure at this point if they really could function independently anymore.   
\---  
A few weeks later, it seemed that one of Jim's worst nightmares was going to come true and it was not Spock being transferred to another ship. After a diplomatic mission that she was positive was Jim and Spock's real punishment for beating up an ambassador's aid, the ship sustained a lot of damage in battle. Fortunately they were only a few casualties. They were ordered to Starbase 26 for repairs.  
She was working on the bridge when the orders came through. It was the first time in a long time that she felt uncomfortable delivering orders. Her body tensed up as soon as she heard Starbase 26. Nyota was sure the only person who could see it was Spock.  
She gave the orders out as neutrally as possible. Only she and Spock saw the flash of pain in Jim's eyes as she said where they were going. It was enough to make her want to leave her station and hugged him. She wouldn't do that but Spock made some excuse to go over to Jim to sneak a Vulcan kiss during the middle of shift.  
It wasn't that unusual for the two to make ‘accidental’ hand contact during a shift but this was the first time it was so blatant. Even before the official breakup during really boring shifts when they were all together, to keep herself alert she would keep track of how many times their hands accidentally brushed during a shift. The record was 106 times during the first shift after the conference room incident. If they wanted her to believe that they weren't sleeping together they seriously needed to stop touching.  
However, she knew that Spock would not make such a bold gesture unless Jim really needed the comfort.  
Later, she asked Spock why he initiated a Vulcan kiss with Jim in the middle a shift. Instead of answering, he asked her how her department was doing after the recent transfer of several of her staff to other ships. She just rolled her eyes, answered his question, and then asked him again why he kissed Jim Vulcan style on the bridge. He suddenly had to meet Jim in his quarters to modify schedules for the next two weeks while they were undergoing repairs.  
She let him go, but not without making some snide comment about him using ‘modifying schedules’ as a euphemism for sex. He just continued on to Jim's quarters without response.  
This avoidance was not helping anybody. Avoiding your problems do not make your problems go away, it just means the situation is worse when you finally have to deal with what you have been avoiding for so long.  
This was the case when Jim finally came face to face with his mother for the first time since he brought a boyfriend home during his first year at the academy.  
They manage to avoid Lieutenant Kirk for their first four days of their stay on Starbase 26. Later, she discovered this was only because Spock micromanaged Jim schedule in an effort to guarantee that they would never run into Jim's mom. From the dark stories of Jim's childhood that she and Spock had heard over the last few months they knew that keeping Jim away from his mother was for the best.  
Jim and his mom never had a good relationship. According to Jim, she has always seen him as the ghost of his father and not his own person. She was never on earth long enough to get to know him. She ran back into the stars the moment she could. She couldn't love Jim so he acted out and downplayed his intelligence. She couldn't love Frank so he drank himself into the bottle and took it out on his nephews. She could never love Sam because he had his father's name, so he ran away.  
She never cared enough to come back to earth, not when Frank almost died of alcohol poisoning, not when Jim drove his dad's car over a cliff, and not when Sam left for good. She spent most of her time trying to avoid ghosts and in doing that she missed out on the life going on around her.  
The one time she cared enough to get angry was when Jim brought home a boyfriend. They haven't spoken since that unfortunate incident, until tonight.  
Since the repairs were going well, they decided to go out to one of the local restaurants. Jim invited Dr. McCoy to come along, but he declined. This meant she was tagging along as the third wheel again.  
It wasn't the first time they invited someone else to join them for a meal or some other recreational activity. Ever since Brittany was reassigned to the her mother ship, they've been inviting random crew members to eat lunch with them. She seriously didn't believe their story about this being an attempt to improve crew morel. Although she did have to give them kudos for being able to keep their hands off of each other during these activities.  
She wasn't sure if Spock and Jim were trying to find her more friends or get her safely in another romantic relationship before they finally admit to their selves that they were dating. Friends were ok, but there was no way she was ever dating a fellow member of the crew again. It was a small miracle that she and Spock were able to become friends after everything that happened. If this occurred with anybody else, there probably would have been bloodshed on the bridge.  
She was also not looking for a long-term relationship. Nyota didn't want to get married. After what happened with Spock, long-term dating didn't seem very practical when she never wanted to move beyond that. Much to her step moms disappointment she wasn't planning on having kids unless there was an accident.  
After nearly 300 years and an influx of alien technology, the pill was almost perfect. She doubted that an accident would occur if she had the opportunity to engage in any activity that could get her pregnant.  
She would be perfectly fine with the occasional random hook up on shore leave or the occasional fling with an ambassador's aid. They did come in the male variety occasionally. However, between her overprotective captain and her protective ex boyfriend she seriously doubted she was getting laid any time soon unless she gave in to Jim's threesome idea.  
It is possible that Spock actually growled at a waiter who tried to give her his contact information. Maybe Spock was growling because the waiter also brushed his hand against Jim's when he was handing him his entree. Either way, the scared waiter retreated back into the kitchen just in time to miss the showdown between mother and son.  
She should have known something was wrong the moment Jim stopped joking around with her and Spock. Not that Vulcans joke. They were at a another retro theme restaurant called the MTV Club which is notorious for playing the music from earth's golden age of music videos.  
Before everything fell apart Jim just made a joke about the song Ex Girlfriend originally sang by the group No Doubt being Nyota's new personal anthem. She was about to reply that it wasn't, because it wasn't going to kill her to see Spock with him, she saw Jim go completely rigid. The smile disappeared from his mouth and the light in his eyes became that fire that appeared when he was about to go into battle. Appropriately enough the song switched over to Family Portrait originally performed by Pink.  
Spock tried to get them out of there before a confrontation could occur. It was too late.  
The altercation between mother and son was bitter. There were no congratulations for Jim saving billions. There was no praise for becoming the youngest captain in history nor was there any consideration for all the wonderful things that he, as commander of the Enterprise, accomplished. There was a reason why Starfleet was poaching personnel from the Enterprise to fill command positions on other ships.  
No her icy words and reproachful stare focused on the man she thought Jim was. No matter how many good things Jim did, the woman still saw him as that complete fuck up from Iowa who can never measure up to the impossible standard set by a man Jim never met. Winona couldn't see past the ghost of the past. Nyota truly felt sorry for her because she missed out on knowing a truly great person.  
The bitterest comments were reserved for Jim's relationship with Spock. If the situation wasn't so painful Nyota would laugh at the irony. Even the absentee mom could see what was going on between those two. Yet they were still in denial land.  
In the interest of keeping these reflections tasteful, Nyota will not repeat any of the homophobic slurs that Winona Kirk used. She will admit she had the sudden urge to throw a piece of 20th century decorum at the woman's head.  
The words from Winona were so hurtful, Spock looked ready to pounce. His eyebrows were raised as far as possible. His eyes were dark, as if he was going into battle. One hand was clenched in anger. The other one was being trapped by Jim.  
For months now, Nyota has been convinced that they can communicate without words. Originally, she thought it was just body language. Jim could read the movements of Spock's eyebrows as well as she could. Spock could understand Jim's expressions as easily as she could understand Klingon. Recently she did some research on Vulcan touch telepathy. The information was quite scarce, but she did find a very interesting research paper from T'Pay.  
She already knew it was possible for emotions to be transmitted through touch. She used this knowledge a few months ago to initiate their breakup. From the research paper it turns out that words could be transmitted if the connection is deep enough with truly compatible minds. If a formal bond existed, the two parties involved could communicate without words without touching.  
She felt like that was happening right in front of her. She couldn't hear what was being said, but body language alone told her enough. Spock was going into protective mode. He wouldn't let a woman who was only Jim's mother because of DNA hurt him like this. Just as it seemed that Spock was going too verbally pounce on the woman Jim stopped him.  
"I need to take care of this myself." As he said the words the song changed to Numb by Linkin Park. The lyrics were eerily appropriate.  
She knew Spock wanted to protect Jim from this confrontation, but he did as asked. He squeezed Jim's hand before he let go. Anyone familiar with Vulcan anatomy knows that gesture was just as intense as any kiss on the lips.  
"I'm not dad. I may look almost exactly like him but I am not him. I never was nor do I want to be. I've done a whole lot of good things that you don't see. You were never around long enough to see anything in me beyond the ghost of a dead man. I will never be what you want me to be. Yes mom I am sleeping with my first officer. Yes, I Care about him. No I don't give a fuck what you think. No, I don't care what Starfleet thinks. From what I understand, they are actually okay with it. Then again, I have more respect for Admiral Pike's opinion then yours." The anger seemed to drain from his body as he physically walked away.  
What happened next was completely shocking to her. Other than the transporter room incident, Spock never kissed her or anyone else in public, let alone initiate such a kiss. Within seconds, Spock's lips were on Jim's in a planet shattering ‘I think they're going to go at it in the middle of the restaurant’ kiss.  
Honestly, she wasn't expecting to see it so soon. Not in front of her anyway. They could explain away the Vulcan kisses and blow jobs by feigning ignorance or Jim claiming he forgot about the sensitivity of Vulcan hands. They couldn't deny this, especially when she took pictures.  
When they got back to the ship she was honestly expecting them to claim that the whole thing was a show for Jim's mom. What she got was a shocking apology for her finding out that way. Of course, they did not admit that they were in love with each other.  
Instead, she got a 15 minute explanation on how it was perfectly logical for them to engage in various sexual activities with each other even though they were still ‘just friends’. How on earth or any other planet for that matter, do they honestly expect her to believe that they were just friends when they were sleeping with each other? On a positive note, confessing that they were in a physical relationship was the first step out of denial land.  
Maybe if she didn't see the way they were around each other she could believe the ‘friends with benefits’ thing. Maybe if she didn't see how protective Spock was of Jim she could believe it. Maybe she could believe it if she didn't see the way they looked at each other when they didn't think the other was looking. They can tell each other that it's just sex, but she knows it is lovemaking. These two men bring delusional to a whole new level.  
She honestly doesn't have the energy to argue with them. If they want to believe that you can be just friends with someone you are having sex with, that's fine. It wouldn't help any way to argue. They are not going to come out of their happy delusion unless they were brought out kicking and screaming. She just sincerely hoped that Spock being transferred to another ship will not be their wakeup call.


	17. Jim Sign Nine: Everybody knows (that wants to)

The greatest sign that Jim is completely in love with Spock is everybody knows it. At least, she is not alone in her suspicions anymore.  
It was less than two weeks until the one year anniversary of Jim and Spock's first meeting and at least they were now only in semi-denial about being in love with each other. (She wanted to think of the anniversary in happy terms. Their first meeting was one of the few happy things that occurred during that time. She did not want to think about the fact that it's been almost a year since she lost three of her best friends and Spock lost his mother. She's tired of thinking about death.)  
Her captain and his first officer are still trying to convince her and everyone else that there just friends. Of course, now they are friends who sleep with each other. She doesn't know who they are trying to fool. She doesn't even think they believe that. (Too many Freudian slips on Jim's part.)  
She's pretty sure friends with benefits do not kiss each other in public, finish each other's sentences, or hold secret conversations without saying a word. They know each other better than they know themselves. It's like their two halves of the same soul.  
They finally told her a couple of weeks ago that they were sleeping together. She already knew, but it was nice that they finally told her. The conference room incident was too obvious. There was no other logical explanation for the chair of being broken.  
They had no choice but to tell her after they made out in front of Jim's mom when they ran into her at Starbase 26 when the Enterprise stopped there for necessary repairs after a battle that went badly. Jim's mom completely humiliated him in public by belittling his lifestyle choices with certain homophobic slurs. Jim finally told his mother to go fuck herself in a somewhat polite way. Then Spock kissed Jim in a way that made her realize that Spock never really kissed her.  
Even Jim's mom who hadn't seen him for years could see that Jim and Spock were together. (For more details on what happened when she found out that her captain and ex boyfriend were now supposedly just friends with benefits see her other reflection on the highly delusional men in her life. How delusional can they be to think it is just sex? Friends who are just sleeping together don't spend the entire night in sick bay sleeping on a chair when the other one is hurt. They are absolute idiots that she wants to slap upside the head.)  
She's just happy the restaurant where the latest incident occurred was dark and they were all wearing civilian clothes. Every tabloid in the Federation and beyond would have had a field day with images from that confrontation.  
At first, she was the only one who knew officially that there was a sexual element to this epic friendship between captain and first officer and she was planning on keeping it that way. It was nobody's business but theirs. Yet, secrets cannot stay secrets forever, especially when it's obvious. Everybody else knew who wanted to know by now. The only people who didn't see it were the couple themselves (maybe?) or those who are not ready to accept that the two were together.  
Let's be honest, even before she ended her relationship with Spock many months ago, she has been asked by many diplomats and local inhabitants if Jim and Spock were in fact married. When they break into an argument during the middle of a mission it just screams old married couple.  
Most people on the ship found out during Admiral Pike's creative punishment for certain transgressions involving two lovesick fools who happen to be in command of Starfleet's flagship. Yes, Admiral Pike could see what was going on between captain and first officer. (Unfortunately, other Admirals were completely clueless, such as the idiot who was trying to give Spock his own ship. See other rant.)  
Traditional punishments were out of the question for the duo's many crimes against the Federation because too much of the evidence was destroyed by a closet hacker who was reassigned to her mother ship as punishment. These transgressions included punching out an ambassador's aid for being an ass to your first officer/not-a-boyfriend. Having your subordinate break into the ship's surveillance system and deleting certain files to keep your captain/not-a-boyfriend from getting Court marshaled for defending your honor. Administering the nerve pinch to a diplomat who was merely presenting the captain with a local greeting because you were upset she was touching the guy you are in love with. Lying to the Admiralty about why your first officer/not-a-boyfriend nerve pinched a diplomat. Arguing with your captain/not-a-boyfriend or first officer/not-a-boyfriend in front of the entire crew because you are jealous of the attention he is receiving. (No wonder everyone could see it was love.) Her only transgression was her inability to keep her captain and his first officer from acting like lovesick fools in public.  
Admiral Pike's devious punishment involved Enterprise hosting a diplomatic dinner for the parties involved in the ‘nerve pinch diplomacy incident’. Admiral Pike told Jim and Spock that they were to do this to make up for what really happened on the planet. She was pretty sure she was the only one who could see through that smile on the admiral's lips.  
She knew something was up as soon as several representatives from the planet showed up a day early to prepare for the ‘dinner’. Even though Enterprise has only done a few of these dinners before, most of the preparations were done in house. If so much preparation was required by the delegation, why was the reception not occurring on their planet? That would be more practical. After the fact, she realized there was more potential for pure humiliation if this reception took place on ship. Who knew Admiral Pike was so devious?  
The second thing that told her something unusual was going on was those preparing for the reception were referring to it as a festival. She ignored this usage of the term until they begin bringing up or replicating statues of the locals engaging in various sex acts to scatter throughout the officer's dining lounge, which was where the reception took place.  
She assumed that this was their cultural equivalent of a fertility statue or art. At the head table, there was a statue that looks suspiciously like her captain and ex boyfriend engaging in what she thought they did in the conference room that resulted in this punishment in the first place. Even in stone, she can recognize those pointy ears.  
Because this whole thing took place before the incident at Starbase 26, she wasn't sure that they were sleeping together yet. She now knows she was right all along.   
At the time, she tried to tell herself that this really meant nothing because procreation is very important in the society of their host. After being told about the initial nerve pinch diplomatic incident, she went back and reviewed all the material involving all the cultures involved with that particular situation. Marriage and procreation in all its many forms is the most important part of their culture. Their general greeting involves the touching of reproductive organs because this is seen as a blessing for a long and productive life with many children by whatever means necessary.  
She tried to tell herself that the menu contains local foods that are known aphrodisiacs really didn't mean anything, because that was just part of their culture. The fact that the reception area was covered with flowers didn't mean anything because it was part of their culture.  
The fact that the guests of honor, Jim and Spock, had to wear white ceremonial robes for the entire reception didn't seem peculiar because it was part of the local culture. She kept telling herself this even after she found out the color had the same association with weddings as it did with certain cultures on earth. Maybe she was just as delusional as her two commanding officers.  
It wasn't until Dr. McCoy was brought in to make sure none of the local delicacies would cause their captain's throat to close up, she came out of denial herself. The doctor made some comment to the staff about this looking more like a wedding reception than a diplomatic reception. When several of the outside workers gave him the ‘yes, it's a wedding you idiot’ look, her mind couldn't stay in denial any longer.  
In gratitude for the successful negotiations and to show no hard feelings in regards to Spock nerve pitching one of their diplomats, they wanted to do something for Jim and Spock. They actually told Pike they never saw anybody so protective of their lover before. She wondered if the admiral was able to keep a straight face when he was told this.  
Normally this was not necessary but Admiral Pike saw an opportunity. He told the representative that because of their busy schedule with Starfleet, Jim and Spock never got to have a wedding reception. The representatives were happy to hold such a reception for two people who loved each other so much. It turns out the so called diplomatic reception was a reception for a wedding that hasn't occurred yet and the guests of honor had no clue.  
She probably should not have told them what they were walking into. They deserve this punishment for numerous reasons beyond both of their serious breaches of diplomatic decorum and stupidity. She had to watch the two engage in Vulcan oral sex in front of her before the breakup. She deserved to watch them squirm for a few hours. She loved them both (platonically), but she deserves some payback.  
As a Starfleet professional, she knew that it was important for the captain and the commander to have as much information as possible before going into any situation. This was no exception. This big ‘wedding reception’ would be overflowing with diplomats. Therefore she put her personal feelings aside and told her captain and his first officer everything that was about to happen.  
To say there were shock would be an understatement. Spock's response was, "I still do not understand the complexities of human practical jokes." Of course, when Spock said this he had one eyebrow raised 2.6 MM and a slight almost invisible frown on his lips. That response caused Jim to roll his eyes.  
"This is not a joke Spock. This is a punishment. I don't know why they're so upset about me punching out that particular ambassador's aid. The guy was an absolute dick. Ambassador Spock was ready to punch the guy out himself after what he said about Amanda."  
"Yes, but fortunately my counterpart has more self control than you." Spock said this with an almost Vulcan eye roll.  
"If you're such a model of Vulcan self control, why did you attack Schreck? I thought you like my lack of self control." Jim asked the question before she could.  
"I was sure he met only in the bedroom." She said under her breath. She looked over at Spock to discover that Vulcans do blush in public.  
"Was I not supposed to mention that particular elephant in the room? Despite what you tell me, I have a pretty good idea what happened in that conference room a few weeks ago. Starfleet is practically throwing you a wedding reception. I'm not going to fall apart now that you're together. Stop lying to yourself. Even the aliens see it."  
She left before Spock made some comment/joke about the lack of elephants in the room. Who is he fooling with that ‘I'm just a poor Vulcan who doesn't understand human colloquialisms’ routine?  
\---  
Too bad Admiral Pike was unable to witness the brilliance of his punishment in person. The entire thing was an exercise in humiliation and discomfort. Prior knowledge of what was going to happen did not make the ‘marriage festival’ any less uncomfortable for the two victims. Jim and Spock acted the part of the happy couple perfectly. Then again it wasn't acting.  
She sent Admiral Pike wonderful shots of Dr. McCoy almost fainting in shock when he first saw the two acting like newlyweds. She also had to listen to him rant for 20 minutes on how illogical it was for aliens to believe that Jim and Spock were married.  
She was able to disprove every single one of his arguments without much effort. Her favorite of his arguments for the improbability of Jim and Spock being married was ‘most married people don't argue like they do until after the divorce’.  
She almost made some comment about the sex being really intense after the arguing, but she wasn't quite in a place yet where she could make sex jokes about her ex boyfriend and his new significant other. As soon as she had a nice random hook up with no strings attached, she can joke about her ex boyfriend having rough sex with his new boyfriend.  
Instead, she suggested that the doctor review any files he had on Vulcan anatomy and the sensitivity of their hands as she pointed to the oblivious couple. Jim and Spock were up front taking part in the ceremonial feeding of the cake.  
At that moment, she captured a picture of Jim's sucking chocolate icing off Spock's fingers in a room filled with dignitaries and crewmembers. The scene was interrupted by Dr. McCoy collapsing to the floor. Apparently, he remembers that aspect of Vulcan anatomy.  
A few weeks after they finally told her that they were sleeping together without emotions being involved, she asked Jim if they completed the ceremonial fertility rights after the reception. He answered yes and then gives her a week of gamma shift. Just for that, she decided not to tell him that he and Spock may be legally married now.  
At first the crew thought it was a massive joke but they didn't say anything while their guests were aboard. Most people started to come out of their delusion when they saw Jim sucking on Spock's finger at the ‘fake’ wedding reception. For weeks after this incident, they received tons of wedding gifts from the crew for their ‘fake’ wedding.  
After recent incidents where she's almost positive she saw her captain and his first officer communicate telepathically she starts researching Vulcan bonds, especially marriage bonds. She concentrates mostly on the concept of accidental bonding. She is starting to wonder if they were married in the Vulcan way and didn't even know it. It wouldn't surprise her if they were.  
\---  
Although there fearless leaders were still living in denial land to some degree, the main bridge crew were now all aware of the true relationship between captain and first officer. This is mostly because of their lack of discretion.  
After Brittany was reassigned, Sulu and Chekov took over Brittany's ‘when will they get together’ Pool. (They may have been present during the Jim versus his mom showdown at Starbase 26.)  
Both men have large amounts of credits on Jim and Spock accidentally getting married during a mission. She's not going to tell them that may have already happened.  
She currently has 300 credits on the two being married/bonded before there one year anniversary of becoming captain and first officer of the Enterprise. Technically she may have already won, but it doesn't count in her mind until the two men in question recognize it. She deserves to win after what those two have put her through this year. No one deserves the money more than she does.  
After his harsh wakeup call at the pseudo wedding reception, Dr. McCoy refuses to eat lunch any more with Jim and Spock because he says too much ‘teenager in love’ behavior is bad for his health. He also made some snide comment about Jim needing to review certain files on Vulcan biology if he thinks there is nothing wrong with the way he touches Spock's hands when they're both looking at the same PADD.  
He currently has 100 credits on Jim and Spock getting married due to an ‘unspecified medical emergency’. (She's pretty sure the ‘unspecified medical emergency’ the doctor is referring to is pon farr. Shockingly enough Spock's father felt it was best for Dr. McCoy to know about that specific aspect of Vulcan biology due to a recent rash of individuals going into pon farr out of cycle and prematurely on the colony. From what she gathered this was a major cultural taboo.)  
Two weeks ago, before the most recent mission that truly ended almost everyone's denial, Jim and Spock invited Scotty to eat lunch with the three of them. She is almost positive this was part of their latest effort to either get her more friends or a boyfriend. They did not need her there to discuss that particular aspect of warp mechanics.  
Although it did not work the way Jim and Spock expected it to, she did enjoy Scotty's comments about the fact he could not wait to modify Jim and Spock's quarters into a single dual occupancy unit. She enjoyed the look of pure shock on both men's faces when Scotty actually brought out the blueprints. It was even funnier when Scotty mentioned he had 200 credits on the two being married by the end of the second year of the mission. She managed to get a very rare picture of a visibly shocked Spock.  
That evening Jim got her alone under the pretext of talking about the next mission where she will be a member of the negotiating team, as well as, trying to get her to sign up for the command retraining program. This program was designed to help fill the gap caused by losing almost an entire class of command track graduates. The program's purpose was to allow Starfleet officers that have already graduated to retrain for command by entering into an apprenticeship program on their ship combined with a long distance learning program.  
After going over every detail that they were aware of and her suffering through a 20 minute speech on why he believes she should retrain for the command track, Jim confronted her on the fact she told someone about his and Spock's sexual relationship when they specifically asked her not to. He purposely stressed the just sex part of their relationship. She tried not to laugh. Jim was her friend and superior officer. It would be inappropriate to laugh at his denial.  
She then proceeded to tell her captain that she did no such thing. Of course, this is after she reminded her captain there is no way they can just be friends having sex, when he and Spock almost shared the same brain. She decided not to mention the fact that they may be married on at least four planets including new Vulcan because she was almost sure they were bonded. (During a recent red alert situation she is positive she saw them communicating the entire time mentally.)  
"I don't have to tell anybody Jim. Everybody knows." She then proceeded to remind him that during the red alert three days ago, six separate crewmembers, including her, saw him and Spock leave his quarters together. She also reminded him that everybody saw him putting his shirt back on as he was running up to the bridge to deal with the crisis.  
His response to her accusations was, "We were in the middle of a crisis. I seriously doubt people had time to gossip about my love life when the ship was being fired at."  
"Do you realize that you just said ‘love life’?" He didn't even look at her as she pointed out his Freudian slip.  
"If you do not want people to know that you are completely head over heels in love with Spock, you need to stop being so obvious. Everybody sees it. For example, stop feeling up his hands when he passes you a PADD on the bridge. Stop finishing each other's sentences during staff meetings or during negotiations. Do not eat off his plate during diplomatic receptions. You seriously need to stop sucking on his fingers in public, especially when I am present. What you did at the ‘fake’ wedding reception is why most of the crew thinks you two are together. That is a bedroom activity along with back rubs. Please stop asking him to give you back rubs on the bridge, we all know your back doesn't hurt that much."  
"Is it okay if I suck on his fingers in front of you when it's just the three of us? If you wanted to join in I would be perfectly OK with it." She could not help but glare at him. He really needs to stop using humor and sexual bravado to cover up his insecurities.  
"If I hit you now, will you charge me with insubordination?"  
"If this were happening in an official capacity this entire conversation would be insubordination and possibly sexual harassment. We're not captain and chief communications officer right now. We're just two friends having a conversation."  
"We're just two friends having a conversation about the way you make it so obvious that you and Spock are together ‘in the happily ever after, they love each other’ way. If you don't want everyone to know that's fine. You're entitled to as much privacy as anyone else. It would be nice if you would at least admit it to yourself and maybe me that you're in love with Spock. As long as you know what's going on that's fine. However, if you don't want everybody to know you need to stop being so obvious. Other dead giveaways include contacting him every three minutes to see if he's OK when Spock leads the away team alone to research a new planet."  
"I do not contact him every three minutes." That caused her to give him the icy glare of death.  
"Yes, you do. Do you need to see the logs? You do the same thing if you are on the bridge and he is in the lab."  
"I am just trying to be a good captain." This triggered another eye roll from her.  
"If Spock did not love you, he would have strangled you again by now." A wicked grin came over her captain's face a as she said the words. This either indicated that he knew Spock really did love him or erotic asphyxiation was a part of their bedroom repertoire.  
"Do not tell me if he does strangle you during ‘boyfriend private time’. I personally do not want to know details about your bedroom activities with my ex. In addition, if you don't want everyone else to know what you and him do during private time, stop letting him bite you on the neck during sex. This is a dead giveaway to everyone." She said this as she placed one finger on the bite mark at the back of her captain's neck.  
She then had to sit through 15 minutes of her captain defending his behavior. She did concede to his point that it was impossible to get Spock to stop biting during sex. Unfortunately, her captain didn't have long hair to hide those times when Spock slipped up. Vulcan superior control does not transferred to the bedroom.  
It really wasn't as awkward as she thought it would be to compare sex stories about her ex boyfriend with his current boyfriend. Although it may have been a little surreal for her to realize she truly got to this point of acceptance.  
Jim also spent another 15 minutes trying to convince her to apply to the command retraining program. For some reason he was convinced she would make a good captain someday. She wasn't sure yet.  
For the first few days after their conversation, Jim made his affection for Spock less obvious. There was no ‘accidental’ hand touching or eye sex on the bridge. For the first time in almost a year, Jim had lunch by himself when he and Spock had the same shift.  
Things were relatively peaceful because they were traveling to negotiations for entry of a new planet into the Federation. Therefore, everybody noticed the change in behavior. So much so that six different crewmembers asked her if Jim and Spock broke up. It probably didn't help that Spock was more agitated than usual. He actually yelled at somebody in a very Spock way. Then again, she would yell too if somebody hit on her when it was obvious she was in a relationship with someone else.  
Most of the people who asked her if they broke up were interested in being with Jim or Spock. Her only response to these individuals was to laugh. Fortunately, for everybody involved, Jim finally discovered a balance between acting like a professional in love and being a lovesick teenager about six hours before they reached their destination.  
This mission was the mission that got everybody but the happy couple out of denial land. In the almost year that she's been on the ship, it amazed her the number of things that can go wrong on a mission. This time she got to see the chaos first hand. Later on, she would learn that this mission was supposed to go wrong.  
For some reason the leaders of this planet would only work with teams of three and one of the members must be female. According to her commanding officers and the Admiralty, she was the logical choice to accompany Jim and Spock for the negotiations.  
As usual, things go completely wrong when they get to the planet due to somebody being an idiot at Starfleet. Somebody left out a very important section on negotiation protocol from their briefing Materials. On this particular planet during negotiations, two members of the party must partake in the ceremonial joining as the third member negotiates with the leaders. She now knows that the joining ceremony is a cross between a wedding ceremony and a sex marathon fueled by several aphrodisiacs. However, the local inhabitants see this as a gesture of goodwill and trust.  
When this is explained to her, Jim, and Spock by the assistant assigned to help them she is absolutely furious. This is after the aid tells her that she and Spock will be sharing a room. At this, point none of them really know what the joining ceremony truly involves and she just asked if it is okay for her and Jim to just switch rooms. The fertility statues in the suite are a dead giveaway that this situation was going to get very complicated.  
As the aid finally tells them what the joining ceremony really is, she is pretty sure why it was suggested that she be part of the team for this mission by the admiral filling in for Pike during a family emergency. She was sure they assumed she and Spock would do the joining part of the ceremony, as the Captain led the actual negotiations with the leaders.  
She knows by the shocked expressions on both of their faces they were hearing about this joining ceremony for the first time. Yes, Spock was visibly upset. Wouldn't you be if you found out you had to sleep with your ex girlfriend when you were with someone else? She knew that they were secretly planning to get back at the person responsible for giving Enterprise this mission.  
She was willing to have sex with her ex boyfriend, not only to secure the planet's entry into the Federation, but also access to a plant that can cure almost any sexually transmitted infection imaginable. The fact that he was in a relationship with someone else did make her uncomfortable. Jim told her when they were alone that if it were the only option he would be okay with her sleeping with his boyfriend. He also said something about wanting a video file of the entire encounter. That earned him a slap and a very angry glare.  
They also agreed that nobody outside of the three of them would ever know what the joining ceremony really was. This situation was going to be too personally humiliating to put in a report without severe editing. This meant not telling the security detail with them what was really going on. This will prove to be a mistake later on.  
Fortunately, the leaders of the planet recognize that Jim and Spock were a couple instantly. They were so happy that the Federation sent a true couple to participate in the joining ceremony that would symbolize the joining between the planet and the Federation. The priestess said she was happy to join two people together who were already connected so deeply. She refered to Jim and Spock by a local word that in standard meant two halves of the same soul.  
The joining rights were performed during the opening ceremony of the negotiations. The ceremony had certain elements similar to weddings on earth. For example, the two parties must light a candle together at some point during the ceremony and there is a ceremonial breaking of the glass at the end. Jim and Spock also had to drink from the ceremonial cup of joining. Later on, she will discover that this contains a natural substance that could cure certain sexual disorders better than any substance that the Federation already had.  
Before the drugs could take effect, Jim and Spock were taken away to the ceremonial room of joining, as she was left behind to do the majority of the negotiations. She told the security team that Jim and Spock were going to another meeting. No one on the security team was familiar enough with the local language to pick up on the fact that Jim and Spock were really going off to have sex. She purposely reprogrammed the universal translators that everyone else was using to incorrectly translate the words. Even with everything that went wrong, she is positive this will be Jim's favorite mission ever.  
The negotiations for inclusion into the Federation went well. She noticed that things went a lot more smoothly because she as the lead negotiator spoke the local language perfectly without the aid of a translator, electronic or otherwise. Finally, the leaders agreed to sign the treaty as soon as the other two completed their role in the negotiations. Knowing those two, it could be hours even without the drugs.  
Unfortunately for her, the members of the security team that came down with the three of them started to get worried about the fact Jim and Spock were missing from the negotiations. ‘Lieutenant Cupcake’, as Jim refers to him, was worried that the people may have taken Jim and Spock prisoner. In an effort to pacify him, their assigned aid agreed to show him that Jim and Spock were perfectly fine. That was a mistake.  
She caught up with him and the aid just in time to see him open the door to the ceremonial room of joining. From the doorway, she could see the two completely naked men so lost in each other that they didn't even realize the door was open. She saw a fusion of lips and bodies.  
It wasn't the first time she walked in on two or more people having sex. She had Gaila as a roommate. Eventually, she got used to it. She even found her future captain under her roommate's bed only wearing boxer shorts.  
This was different. In the seconds it took her to react, she could see this was not just sex, rather as the priestess said there was a joining of two essences that belong together all along. Letting go was the right decision.  
She quickly closed the door and started yelling at the aid, in the most diplomatic way possible, for showing the security team to Jim and Spock when she knew exactly what they were doing. In this culture, walking in on somebody during sex was not a taboo.  
She may be okay with Jim and Spock being together, but she is sure that Jim and Spock did not want the entire ship to know what was really going on. Thanks to this, everyone now knows.  
Once they got back to the ship after the treaties were signed ‘lieutenant Cupcake’ who absolutely hates Jim decided to tell the Admiralty that Jim and Spock were having sex when they were supposed to be on duty. Of course, this is after he repeats that piece of information around the entire ship. Spock and Jim were currently keeping their distance from each other for the sake of damage control. They shouldn't have to.  
She was still trying to repress a very uncomfortable meeting a few days ago where she tries to explain the importance the planet puts on the joining ritual during negotiations. Considering the expression on their substitute admiral's face, it is obvious she knows exactly what the joining ritual was and probably knew all about it before assigning Enterprise to the mission. The shock on the woman's face when she found out they successfully negotiated the treaty was even more profound. It was almost as if she was expecting them to be unable to negotiate the treaty and secure the planet's entry into the Federation. She's personally upset that she had to describe walking in on her ex boyfriend and captain having sex in an official report.  
When Admiral Pike finally got back and read the report of the entire successful, but humiliating mission he was furious. He instantly realized that the entire mission was a setup created by certain members of the Admiralty who despise Jim for being the youngest captain and one of the more competent captain's during his first year. He was livid when he contacted the ship now on its way back to earth for several ceremonies marking the one your anniversary of the deaths of 80% of their class, along with the majority of an entire species.  
She was called into the meeting half way through. Jim already looked visibly upset. The admiral told the three of them that mission should have gone to Thompson's ship or any other ship with a married command team. When he said the name of that ship she picked up on discomfort from both her captain and admiral. Sending a fake couple to the planet would have at the very least resulted in the treaty never being signed.  
Admiral Pike was the only member of the Admiralty who really knew that Jim and Spock were together. He stressed how lucky they were that Jim and Spock were together and she was a very good negotiator. She would be receiving a commendation for her role in negotiating the treaty and securing the planet's inclusion into the Federation. He tried to convince her to join the command retraining program like Jim did.  
After the admiral dismissed Jim and Spock, he asked her to stay behind to deliver her state of the relationship report. She was happy that today Jim referred to Spock as his boyfriend. She saw this as progress. Unfortunately, they were out of time.  
"I have been trying to convince the other admirals that Captain Kirk and Commander Spock are more effective when together. The fact that they were both willing to go through the ceremony as originally intended showed that they are both willing to put the needs of the Federation above their own personal concerns. Unfortunately, the others don't see it that way. In light of his exceptional service, on the one year anniversary of the battle of Vulcan, Spock will be given his own ship when the Enterprise returns to earth."  
She felt the air go out of her lungs as he said this. She was angry that she was losing her best friend. Jim would be devastated. It was obvious that both men already knew. Jim almost looked ready to cry when she walked into the room, but he covered it up quickly.  
"Can't Spock just decline like last time?"  
"The situation is more critical now. Yesterday Captain Evelyn Thompson died in the line of duty in order to protect several members of her crew, including her husband and daughter." Nyota didn't know what to say to that.


	18. Jim Sign Ten A: I Will Fight For You

The last day aboard the USS Enterprise was painful. The atmosphere was beyond tense on the bridge and everyone knew why. She wasn't sure how it happened, but half the ship already knew about the unfortunate demise of Captain Thompson and what it meant for their command team.  
Spock was actually agitated. That in itself was a dead giveaway. He actually snapped at her when she tried to talk to him about it.  
Jim looked absolutely miserable. His assistant of the week made a comment about his puppy dying. Those who did not know that Starfleet was forcing Spock to leave just assumed he was upset about the death of someone he knew.  
His eyes looked dead. Those pools of blue seemed lifeless. Gone was the love and happiness that shined through so vividly every time Spock was in the room.  
It was almost like he was resigned to the fact that Spock was leaving. It was like he believed there was nothing he could do to change this. This wasn't right. Jim Kirk did not believe in no wins scenarios. If he did, there would not be an Earth right now.  
She couldn't let this happen. It was time for drastic measures.  
At 4:00 AM in the morning, with the help of a special program created by a friend who is currently going through her own misery, she broke into her captain's quarters. This was a conversation that must occur in private.  
Instead of being asleep in bed or doing certain things she did not want to think about to his boyfriend while he still could, he was sitting at the table looking at old pictures on a PADD. He seemed to be beyond miserable. She doubted that he slept at all. On the screen was a much younger Evelyn Thompson kissing her husband as a young Jim and Brittany made gagging expressions in the foreground.  
"You know normal people use the door chime. Then again normal people wouldn't be here at 4:00 AM." Jim said not looking at her.  
"If I were normal, you would not want me on your crew." She said taking the seat beside him.  
"That's true." He said in an undertone as he kept looking at the images on the PADD. This time he was staring at a shot that she got of him and Spock at the pseudo wedding reception during the cake ceremony. Even though it was a public relations nightmare, he seemed so happy. She wished they could go back to that happy moment months earlier.  
"Why are you giving up?" She finally asked after several minutes of silence.  
"What are you talking about?" He asked quizzically.  
"You are sitting in your quarters at 4:00 AM almost crying over old photographs. You are letting him leave."  
"It is his choice. He deserves this position." The last part was whispered.  
"Except it's not his choice. He already turned down their offer to have his own ship on more than one occasion. They are forcing him to take this position and he will accept it because he is a good little soldier. We both know he doesn't want to leave you." She purposely did not say Enterprise. "I know he really cares about you. Just like I know you really care about him. You would not be this miserable otherwise."  
"Maybe I am miserable for other reasons. Someone I have known since I was a child just died, even though I didn't like her because she was an absolute bitch to her daughter. Maybe that is why I'm so upset. I talked to Brittany." Jim said quietly.  
"Is she okay?" She knew it was a stupid question as soon as she asked it.  
"Not at all, her father is worse. He doesn't believe it's real even though he was there. I am not sure if I could deal with it if I had to watch the person I love the most be murdered in front of me. He loved her so much. He is so lost. Maybe this is why I am miserable. Maybe I'm not upset because someone I love is getting assigned to another ship and away from me. I don't love him. I can't love him." She wondered if those words were more for his benefit than hers.  
"I didn't say the word love, you did." She said pointing out his slip up. "As much as you pretend that you and Spock have just been sleeping together for these last four months without any emotions involved, love has been there from the beginning."  
"Actually, it's been five." He said quietly. She did the calculations quickly in her head and realized they have been together since she and Spock broke up. She stayed quiet on the fact, realizing it wasn't the time to ask questions. Another part of her really didn't want to know the answer.  
"How can you know that it is love?" Jim asked. Her response is to laugh as she pulled up a file that she has been working on for months. She pushed the PADD in his hand and she heard a laugh. Maybe that is a good sign.  
"Ten Signs Your Captain Is More than Just Attracted to Your Boyfriend," He said reading the title aloud. "When did you have time to do this? Why did you come up with this? Nothing happened before the breakup." Did he not remember the VBJ the day before the breakup or all the hand sex on the bridge? She did.  
"You mean by human standards. You manage to get to Vulcan third base in a family restaurant before I broke up with Spock." She snickered.  
"Spock goes by more humans standards of sexuality, so it doesn't count. Any way, you do remember giving your boyfriend to me the day before?"  
"I don't hold myself accountable for anything that occurred during the truth tea incident. I started working on this when I first noticed what was going on many months ago before Spock and I broke up. It was my sanity project, one of them anyway. That still doesn't mean that what I saw wasn't true. I probably should re title this 10 Signs Your Captain Is In Love with His First Officer."  
"I'm not so sure about that. Sign number two is definitely not true. I did not use paper work as an excuse to spend time with him. This was my first time serving as captain and I was not used to doing that type of paperwork. I needed the help of my more experienced first officer." She just rolled her eyes.  
"That's a lie. You made all sorts of excuses to spend time with Spock in the beginning. Stalling paperwork was just your favorite technique early on until he started teaching you how to play chess. Why aren't you arguing against sign number one?"  
"That one is true. Maybe in the beginning I did flirt with him to get a response, but it doesn't mean anything. It does not mean I love him. He is hot. I flirt with everyone, especially in the first few weeks before I got sick of dealing with crazy crew members throwing themselves at me."  
If anyone else made that statement she would blame it on his or her unusually large ego, however, what Jim said was true. Crewmembers of all genders, constantly threw themselves at him despite certain Starfleet policies that make such actions inappropriate. They were also not deterred by an irritated Spock.  
"You did not flirt with Spock like you flirted with everyone else. With others, it was just a natural response. It is just a part of your persona. You said it yourself you were trying to get a response from him. You desired his attention. Because you flirt with everyone your normal techniques wouldn't work on him. That is why you started arguing with him for no reason about the silliest things. You wanted him to pay attention to you."  
"So maybe you're right, but that doesn't mean I love him."  
"What about the fact you let him see the real you?"  
"I never hid who I am from the world." Jim said defensively.  
"Yes you do. Everyone except for a select few see this illusion of Jim Kirk that you have been cultivating for decades. To the world at large you're that ‘skirt chasing’ impulsive dick who does everything without thinking. However, you let Spock see the real James Kirk with mommy issues and all his other emotional baggage. You are actually comfortable showing your intelligence around Spock. He probably knows things about you that Bones doesn't know."  
"You may have a point there. He is my best friend. That still doesn't mean that I love him beyond friendship." She felt like he was grasping at straws at this point.  
"Sign number four is you desire to get Spock to publicly display how he feels about you. If you didn't love him why would you want him to display his feelings for you?" He stayed quiet for a moment before redirecting her question.  
"Maybe the back rub thing wasn't about me wanting to elicit an emotional response from Spock; maybe it was me trying to elicit an emotional response from you. You were so dead back then. I'm surprised you were even aware of what was going on between me and Spock."  
"You're right, I was numb. Between losing my friends and realizing that Spock and I were drifting apart, I started to shut down. I'm better now. That still does not change what happened that day. You have tried the back rub thing 11 times on the bridge since then, anyway."  
"I have to admit getting an emotional response from Spock is fun and challenging, especially when you're trying to get a response from him with activities that don't take place in the bedroom."  
"I will concede your point. However, I know you want more than just sex from Spock. You really do care about him. For sign number five, you stayed with me on leave so I wouldn't accidentally break up with him when I was high on truth tea. For sign eight, you lied to the Admiralty on multiple occasions to protect Spock. One of the occasions was right after he tried to kill you on the bridge. You don't risk your career for a cheap fuck. You have already proved that by the fact you haven't slept with anyone else on the crew or the many diplomats that have tried to get with you over the last year. If it was just about sex, you would have fucked any one of them. However, you're with Spock."  
"He is still my best friend. I do care about him. You heard me tell my mother that. It's not this great love that you keep talking about. I can't let it be that." She noticed his specific choice of words. He specifically said ‘can't’. That means a conscious effort is involved. Jim is purposely not letting himself love Spock because he's afraid. Of what, she is not sure.  
"It's love. As much as you try to argue otherwise, you love him. Do you remember how jealous you were of anyone else showing attention to Spock? Even if you didn't realize it yet, you were very jealous when I kissed Spock on the transporter pad that one time in front of you. You would not have been absolutely furious when Spock's father brought other possible suitors for Spock if it was not love."  
"I had a right to be upset. The individuals that he brought were horrible. I had way too much fun punching out that dick Schreck. I don't see the point anyway. I would be more than willing to be Spock's pon Farr partner when his time came, even if we were not whatever we are now."  
"I know you know more about it than I do, but from what ‘Grandpa Spock’ told me pon farr is an intense experience for the other partner. The fact that you're willing to go through that with him tells me that you love him. You're willing to do anything to keep him alive. It is obvious to everyone that you love him. It's even obvious to you. Why won't you let yourself love him?" She asked on the verge of frustration.  
"Because he's leaving me," The words were whispered with a hint of deep sadness. At that moment, she finally got it. He was afraid to love Spock, because he was afraid to lose him.  
"He doesn't want to." She said as she took Jim in her arms.  
"But he still is. Everyone leaves eventually. My mom left me behind the moment she found someone else to take care of me. Sam left me as soon as he could. My father left me behind before I was even born." She was about to point out that his father did not leave of his own volition but he stopped her.  
"Yes, I know it was not his choice. We're soldiers, even if a good portion of our job is diplomatic relations. There's always a chance that we won't come back from a mission. At least once a week it seems like I'm notifying a parent that their child is not coming back. It is worse when I have to notify a husband or wife that the person they love is not coming back. That look of absolute pain in their eyes is heartbreaking. I've seen grown men break down in tears at the loss of their partner. Maybe I don't want to be one of them. Maybe, I don't want to be my mother or First Officer Thompson. Maybe, I don't want to be the one who sits on the grave of a dead man whose ashes are spread among the stars." He said almost on the verge of tears.  
“It's better just to keep everyone at arm's length. If you never love him, then it won't hurt so much if he were to leave you for whatever reason. That is an absolute fucking lie and you know it. You already love him. It's too late!" She practically yelled at him.  
"I will not confirm nor deny that." He said it in a way that confirmed it.  
"Your mom is a bad example, because let's be honest she has issues. Right now even though he just lost his wife, do you think Commander Thompson would trade the years he had with her for anything? If Spock's father was given the chance to relive his life without falling in love with Amanda, do you think he would take it?"  
"No they wouldn't. Even though they lost the person they love the most, I know they wouldn't change a thing." He finally admitted quietly.  
"There's an old saying, ‘It is better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all.’ You know that's true. Even after death, you'll still have your memories to keep you company as you continue on. You can't fight death. Although knowing you, I'm sure you would try. However, we can beat this transfer."  
"I've never believed in no win scenarios."  
"So why start now. We have exactly 12 days to figure out how to keep your boyfriend on this ship."  
"You pull up the regulations and I will go wake up my boyfriend. His perfect memory of all Starfleet policies should be good for something." As Jim walks next door she entered the final sign into the PADD.  
Sign number 10: He will fight to keep Spock with him.  
Of course, things got more complicated due to a certain biological medical condition and a very stubborn half Vulcan. However, that is another rant for a different list.


	19. Spock Sign Nine: I Will Die For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After researching the concept of Pon Farr in Star Trek cannon, I have come to the conclusion that the various writers of the franchise have changed the concept several times to fit their own creative needs over the years. The inconsistencies in Pon Farr cannon speak for themselves. I intend to carry on that longstanding tradition of making Pon Farr whatever I need it to be. In my version, pon farr can occur outside the seven-year cycle due to mitigating circumstances, such as the destruction of an entire planet.

It is said that the greatest gift you can give anybody is your life in exchange for their life. A few days ago Captain Evelyn Thompson made this ultimate sacrificed to protect her husband and daughter. (Unfortunately, this sacrifice has severely complicated things and brought about Jim's worst fear of Spock being transferred to another ship. For all the details check out her other rant on stubborn men who don't make their love known until their love is about to be transferred to another ship.)  
The situation between Spock and Jim is no different. The most obvious sign that Spock is completely in love with Jim is his willingness to do anything to protect him. It's part of the job description for a first officer to protect his or her captain. When it comes to Jim, Spock has always gone above and beyond what is required of a first officer.  
In these reflections she has already mentioned some of the deserving of a court martial things that Spock has done to protect Jim. These include nerve pinching a diplomat who tried to touch Jim inappropriately or getting into a fist fight with the diplomatic aid to his future counterpart. Usually this type of behavior did not land Spock in sickbay. Although, the incident during the invasion of the Vulcans did result in Spock being forced to spend time with various members of Dr. McCoy's staff (the ship therapist).  
She is referring to incidents such as the one that occurred during their first month in space where Spock stepped in front of Jim when they were shooting at him. The shooter missed his heart but Spock still spent a day in sickbay unconscious.  
When he returns to consciousness she asked him why he stepped in front of the weapon. When he told her it was his duty to protect his captain at all cost she believed him. Of course, this is probably why her sanity project of these rants was born. It was only later when she started to notice other things like Jim crashing all their lunches or the way he looks at Jim when he doesn't think she's paying attention that she truly understands the true nature of Spock's actions.  
It took a repeat of those actions several months later after the official end of her relationship with Spock for her to understand his true motivations completely. Spock would do anything to protect Jim, even if it meant his own death.  
She has already stated that on earth and other planets it is believed that there's no greater way to show love then to be willing to give your life so that someone else may live. Captain Thompson sacrificed is an example of that. That sentiment seems to get lost in Starfleet. It is easy to become desensitized to the true importance of life when you are surrounded by death. Those who survived Nero are very aware of this. Every person on the ship is willing to give their life to protect the Federation. Every person on the ship is willing to give their life to protect their captain.  
However, she knows that Spock doesn't jump in front of the captain when he is in harm's way just because he is his captain. Spock does stupid things that could get himself killed for Jim. So far this year alone Spock has ended up in sickbay six times for doing something completely illogical to keep Jim from being killed.  
Her personal favorite was when Spock ate something that he was unknowingly highly allergic to just so Jim wouldn't have an allergic reaction or offend the locals that they were meeting with. Vulcans may not have food allergies, but Spock does.  
However Spock's most recent self sacrificing behavior is beyond illogical, it could be deadly. That is why she is standing outside his door begging him to let her or Jim in.  
Honestly they should have noticed something was wrong weeks ago when Spock almost yelled at somebody for hitting on him. He snapped at her yesterday when she tried to talk to him about the transfer. He did not even yell at her when their relationship was completely disintegrating. That alone should have told her something was really wrong.  
She, Dr. McCoy, and Jim were all very aware of the symptoms to look for. Spock actually talked to Jim about it himself. She was already informed by the ambassador months ago. The doctor was given information by Spock's father because many have been experiencing irregular pon farr cycles in the last 12 months. Yet, they didn't see this coming.  
Maybe the symptoms were less pronounced because up until a week ago Jim and Spock were together (i.e. screwing up against the wall) every single night. According to a certain file that was included in the information secretly provided to her by T'Pay about telepathic bonds, regular sexual activity during the early stages can lessen the severity of symptoms. She contacted T'Pay a few days ago after she became convinced they were bonded. (T'Pay doesn't believe in the cultural taboos associated with Pon farr. This is probably why she moved to earth as soon as she could. Due to the type of people who survived the destruction of Vulcan there was a major cultural shift taking place in the colonies.)  
Unfortunately a week ago after a mission that involve the entire ship finding out officially that their two most senior commanding officers were sleeping together Spock demanded some distance in order to quell the rumors.   
Now she is wondering in light of recent circumstances if that was just an excuse. She could see an overprotective Spock pushing Jim away because he's afraid that he is going to hurt him during pon farr. This seemed like something he would do.  
She was so stupid just to assume Spock was acting angry (for him) because he found out about the surprise the Admiralty was planning when they reached earth in a few days. Finding out that you had no choice but to leave your boyfriend and take over your own ship would make anybody want to throw things.  
In addition, the little girl that he threw a bowl of soup at yesterday was just annoying. She personally wanted to smack the girl for still not having any respect for other people's relationships. This girl has been trying to get into Spock's pants since the beginning of the mission when she and Spock were still dating. She deserved it.  
Both she and Jim would have let it go if it wasn't for Spock's unusual behavior this morning. A few hours earlier Jim went to Spock's quarters to get him to help research a way to keep him on the ship. Spock for the first time ever said he wasn't feeling well and would help them after shift.  
Both became even more worried when Spock didn't show up for duty. Spock has never missed a shift unless he was unconscious or being held against his will in sickbay. Spock didn't exactly not just show up, instead he sent a text message to Jim. Considering Spock hates sending text messages, she assumed that verbal communication would have gave away Spock's true condition.  
Extreme overprotective boyfriend Jim became instantly worried and insisted Spock see the doctor immediately. Spock refused and Jim got even more worried. This text message conversation lasted a good 15 minutes before Jim dragged her into it. He was so worried that he sent her to check up on Spock.  
Since Nyota was his friend, Jim thought it would be more likely that Spock would tell her what was going on. Instead Spock slammed the door in her face metaphorically speaking. He has never slammed the door in her face before even when they were fighting a lot before she accepted the inevitable that they were not supposed to be together. That is when she started to really become worried. Up until this point, she just assumed his irritation was caused by the fact he was being forced to go to another ship away from Jim.  
Nyota tried to get Spock to talk to her about this again. This was really difficult when he refused to open the door. After 15 minutes, she gave up on trying to reason and resorted to using the entry code that he gave her when they were dating. She was not that surprise that he changed the code after the breakup. What surprised her was the code Jim gave her didn't work either. After that attempt failed, she called Jim down to help her break into his boyfriend's quarters.  
They both became even more worried when the captain's override code did not work. At this point, they both realize that Spock was purposely keeping her and Jim out of the room. Jim was so desperate at that point he used Bones' medical override code to break into the room. She could feel Jim began to panic when that code didn't work.  
"Fuck, he's doing this on purpose. If I didn't love him, I would kill him." Jim's said as he slid down the wall to the floor.  
"He locks himself in his quarters for some crazy reason and you choose this time to finally admit to being in love with him publicly. You have the worst timing ever." Earlier that morning they finally had a breakthrough after an extreme period of denial. Jim finally realized that he really did love Spock. It only took a couple of months for the two to stop lying about being just friends.   
"I am sorry I chose to finally say the words out loud when my boyfriend is acting crazy. I'm a little worried that said boyfriend is acting crazy, because Vulcans don't go crazy." He said practically yelling.  
"Except for once every seven years." She said it as a joke to break the tension, but apparently her genius captain figured out the real reason why his boyfriend was acting this way. He was suddenly standing again as he banged on the door.  
"You will open this door right now. That is an order. If you just locked yourself in your quarters to die alone because you are afraid to have sex with me, I'm going to kill you. How can this be any worse than normal sex for us? We broke a chair in the conference room once. I will not lose you." Although Spock probably couldn't hear the captain's angry tirade the three Ensigns walking down the hall did.  
"Do you realize that you just confirmed the conference room rumors?" She asked poignantly.  
"I really don't care. The whole ship knows any way at this point thanks to Lieutenant Cupcake."  
"I think everybody knew before then." She said placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Maybe it is not that bad. Maybe we are just overreacting. Maybe there is some other reason why Spock has locked himself in his room."  
Even she could tell that she was lying to him. There is no other logical explanation for Spock's illogical behavior. Spock hasn't been on a mission since they got back from getting that planet to join the Federation which involved her negotiating a peace treaty and the two of them enjoying each other's company for the sake of the ceremony. He hasn't been exposed to any unusual compounds in the last week. It couldn't be that unless this was a delayed reaction.  
\--  
Both she and Jim are now sitting down on the floor again and she had one arm around him. She's never seen him this upset before including this morning during their heart to heart when he was almost crying.   
"Maybe he's trying some other technique to alleviate the symptoms. ‘Grandpa Spock’ told me there were other ways to alleviate pon farr. I think this is just the third cycle for Spock. The fourth is usually the worse." She said comforting him.  
"You've slept with him before. Do you really think meditation is going to satisfy his normal bedroom needs, let alone those brought about by a biological need for sex?" Jim asked giving her an are you crazy look.  
"Good point."  
"I don't know why he's doing this."  
"He's extremely over protective of you."  
"Being suicidal is a sign of protective behavior?" Jim asked flippantly.  
"For him, yes. It's another one of the signs that he is completely in love with you."  
"I doubt that. If he really loved me, he wouldn't be acting this stupid."  
"You do remember him knocking out a diplomat for you?" She asked as she pulled up another file on her PADD and handed it to him. She showed him his list a few hours earlier.  
"10 Signs Your Boyfriend is in Love with Your Captain." Jim read out loud. "Is this your other sanity project?"  
"Essentially yes, but I never got around to re titling it after the breakup. I started this one first. So far, I have nine signs that prove he is completely in love with you. Sign number nine is that he would die for you. His frequent visits to sick bay prove that point. We both know he does it for you, not your position. Although after this morning's conversation, I think you would do the same for him."  
"You're right about that. Although he clearly didn't know he was allergic to that dish at that reception. What are the other signs since apparently you know both of us better than we know ourselves?" He said this sarcastically.  
"Sign number eight is he cares about you to the point of doing stupid things like getting Brittany to hack into the computer files to destroy any evidence of you hitting a diplomatic aid."  
"I thought she did that on her own?"  
"No she didn't. It was her punishment for the conference room thing. Sign seven is that he's jealous of everyone including himself."  
"I didn't realize Vulcans did jealousy until I saw him get in an argument with himself. I did enjoy the end results." Jim said smirking.  
"I'm sure you did. Sign six is that he does all sorts of illogical things just for you like eat chocolate. For example he lets you do very inappropriate things to him in public by Vulcan standards such as sucking on his fingers when children were present."  
"Didn't we talk about that already today? When it comes to sex Spock behaves more like a human then a Vulcan. That's why I don't understand why he's freaking out right now. I said I would do this with him."  
"It's Spock. I think this is just another illogical thing that he does to protect you. He does not want to hurt you or worse."  
"I don't want him to." He said quietly to her. "What are the other signs that he's in love with me?"  
"He and you are completely compatible in a way that me and him never were. You both wanted the modified white picket fence dream in space. You both want children and to be married someday. I never wanted that. My stepmom is going to be pissed when she never gets grandkids."  
"That's not going to work. You are just going to have to be our surrogate mother. That way you can have children but not raise them. You can be a good aunt instead."  
"That is something to think about when we're not in the middle of a crisis. You know more about pon farr then I do, because Spock told you all about it. He trusts you with secrets that he never trusted me with."  
"We have to talk about something during chess." He said with a shrug.  
"The fact that he was willing to teach you how to play is another sign. He refused to teach me how to play chess but he spent hours teaching you. He also let you get away with stalling your paperwork just so you and he could spend time together."  
"I did not stall paperwork. I also defended that point earlier to you."  
"I still don't believe you. You also crashed all of our lunches and he let you. The first thing I noticed that told me he was in love with you was the fact you can elicit an emotional response from him. I think this qualifies as unemotional response. There's no logic behind locking yourself in your quarters. " She said in annoyance.  
"That's an understatement. I'm tired of waiting for him to get logical again. I'm not going to let my boyfriend get away with this. Does this PADD contain the program you used to break into my room this morning?" Before she could answer, the door behind them open.  
"That won't be necessary." Spock said as he went to kiss Jim. There was a lot of screaming on Jim's part about Spock being a complete idiot for locking him out. There was also a lot of ‘I love you’ as articles of clothing started to disappear before she could get out of the way. She also heard the word T'hy'la used a lot. The last thing she heard before the door closed was she was acting captain.  
That meant she was responsible for covering this up. That was so mean.  
\---  
Three days later after copious amounts of sex, that she doesn't want to know the details about, Spock finally tells her why he opened the door. He tells her that her logic was sound. It turns out he was listening to their entire conversation in the hallway. She wondered if it is insubordination to smack your ex-boyfriend for being a complete idiot.

 


	20. Jim Sign 10 B: I Will Always Fight for You and I Will Always be by Your Side

Thanks to a certain biological condition they lost about three days of research time. In addition, someone's computer may have been destroyed at some point during the three days before the files were transferred to the main server.

Jim and Spock were too busy engaging in extreme amounts of sex to keep the blood fever away to even think about finding a way to keep Spock from being transferred. Although they may have done something during that time that would make things easier. She will talk about that later.

She was too busy trying to keep the fact that the two most senior officers on the ship were locked in Spock's quarters having sex for medicinal reasons to do any additional research herself. Everyone but Dr. McCoy was told that the two were quarantined after contracting some strange virus that had an unusually long incubation period. Most people did not buy that.

If she did not know better, she would swear that Jim planned to be on ‘sick leave’ just so he would not have to fill out all the paperwork for everyone's shore leave on earth. If he wanted to convince her to retrain for command having her spend four hours filling out paperwork every day, was not the way to do it.

She must admit that she enjoyed being in charge. Leadership seemed natural to her. She felt comfortable in the captain's chair.

There were no unusual problems during her tenure as acting captain. She just had to deal with the usual things that every captain has to deal with like crazy crew members wrecking parts of the ship due to boredom or illicit gambling on the personal affairs of their commanding officers. (She may have written up a few people for placing bets on when Jim would finally get his threesome wish with her and Spock.)

She did enjoy writing up lieutenant Cupcake for being his usual asshole self. She has hated the guy ever since he and his friends attacked Jim in an effort to get in her pants. His recent stunt involving her friends and the rumor mill did not endear him to her at all. It turned out Cupcake didn't like Spock that much either because he succeeded in a way Cupcake never could.

The worst thing about the experience was everyone kept asking her what was really going on between Jim and Spock. She kept her mouth shut because it was none of their business. Not that it kept the rumor mill from operating at full capacity.

Also during her tenure as acting captain she had the displeasure of telling Admiral Pike a somewhat edited version of the truth. Fortunately, he was already in her corner and did not ask questions. He promised to send several files pertaining to the situation after he found out that Jim and Spock decided to fight the transfer.

These were the files that she, Jim, and Spock were going over and Jim's quarters. Spock's room was completely trashed after their marathon. They managed to break the bed, the bathroom door, two shelves, the couch, and his desk. She would really like to know how they broke the bathroom door but she is too afraid to ask. Jim said most of the damage occurred before any actual sex occurred. Apparently Jim was a little pissed off that Spock locked him out and was willing to die rather than sleep with Jim because he was afraid to hurt him. (See other rant.)

Something else interesting also happened during the sex marathon. When they emerge from Spock's room three days later they were engaged. She doesn't know all the details but at some point during the three days Jim proposed to Spock. Jim also mentioned that he had to fight the stubborn Vulcan in question to say yes. (She is not sure if he meant that in the figurative or the metaphorical sense.)

No one but Dr. McCoy and she knew about the true change in their relationship. A few like Sulu and Chekov suspected but did not say anything. It was common knowledge already thanks to lieutenant Cupcake that they were sleeping together so the change in their behavior was not noticeable.

On the bridge earlier today, they were as professional as ever. Actually, Jim was more professional. The eye sex and Vulcan make out sessions have completely disappeared from the bridge. Thinking about it now maybe Jim's obvious ‘teenager in love’ behavior was his way of fighting back anybody who tried to get with his Vulcan.

Despite the possibility that they might be split up she was happy that the denial was over. She was even happier that they were planning to spend the rest of their life together. It didn't bother her to see them kiss in front of her right now. They were right for each other in a way that she and Spock never were.

She and Spock were only supposed to be friends. He was her best friend. They were never meant to be more than that. She understood that now. This is why she was spending her free time helping her two best friends figure out how to stay together.

Jim is supposed to be Spock's everything. It is obvious to her that Jim would do anything to keep Spock with him. He already survived the brutality of Pon Farr and Spock's stubbornness. What was taking on the Admiralty in the grand scheme of things?

Because they were already engaged the research focused on tandem assignments. On the side, she contacted her friend Leslie in the Starfleet legal office to see if any of the wedding ceremonies were legally binding by Starfleet standards. She was still waiting to hear back from her.

Currently she was sitting on Jim's couch going over all the files pertaining to a lawsuit that Brittany's parents filed against Starfleet around 13 years ago when they tried to split up the pair during a supposed crisis. Jim and Spock were lying in the bed completely entwined with one another with PADDs in their hands researching. Jim had his head up on Spock's chest with their fingers laced together. It was too cute.

"Marry me?" Jim asked in a way that startled her out of her research.

"I do not see the logic in you asking me that question again when I have already said yes." Spock replied with his usual 'you are an illogical human' tone of voice.

"I mean right now." He said as he kissed Spock in a way that made her a little uncomfortable. She was very close to asking if she should leave the room for a little while. One would think after three days, Jim Kirk would be sated for at least a few days.

"I do not see how that is possible T'hy'la when you are the only person on this ship who has the authority to perform a marriage and you are unable to perform your own ceremony."

"I meant as soon as we get to earth. We'll be back in San Francisco tomorrow. We'll have a better chance of fighting the transfer if we are actually married. I just read through six cases where they split up engaged couples."

"I read through those files too. There were extenuating circumstances in at least three of those cases. Also two of those incidents took place before the Thompson Amendments to Starfleet's personnel policies." She said looking up from her own PADD trying to sound cheery.

As they continued to do research, they realize the situation was bleaker than they originally thought. Being in a committed relationship did not necessarily mean tandem assignments. There was an exception to the tandem assignments policy that allowed Starfleet to assign married couples to separate assignments during times of war or during crisis situations when it was in the federation's best interests to split up a couple.

The only good thing was the definition of a crisis was adjusted in 2246 as part of the Thompson amendments to Starfleet's regulations regarding families and couples. Before then various policies including those that regulated dating between crewmembers made Starfleet a family unfriendly place even if the enforcement of such policies were random at best.

"The crisis exception was in effect at the time. That meant that niceties such as joint assignments for engaged or married couples get thrown out the window. No, nothing was actually thrown out a window. What's the point of playing stupid in regards to human vernacular? You have spent years are round humans. I know you do this stuff on purpose."

"I do not know what you are referring to T'hy'la."

"Sure you don't know what I'm referring to. I just think it would be easier if we were already married. The current command shortage is a serious problem. Even under the Thompson amendments, we could still be split up. Precedent would be in our favor if we were already married."

"I will not leave you. If you wish to get married right away we will." She heard Spock whisper as he kissed Jim again. She was just glad Spock chose not to mention that they needed to be married before the orders were issued for Spock's transfer, for the rules to be applicable to the situation. She wondered if this was a good time to tell them that they were already married. It would be best to wait until she knew if the marriage was considered legal under Starfleet policy.

She went back to reviewing the lawsuit filed in early 2246 against Starfleet filed by then Commander Thompson and her husband Lieutenant Commander Thompson as the oblivious couple went back to groping each other. The settlement reached regarding this lawsuit was responsible for the personnel changes referred to as the Thompson Amendments.

In 2245 during a ‘crisis situation’ Starfleet in their infinite wisdom assigned the couple to two separate ships as First Officers claiming it was in Starfleet's best interest. They also ship their children off to separate parts of the galaxy saying it would be in the best interest of the children to not grow up on ships of war.

According to the file, Brittany's brother who was only four at the time ended up on earth with family. Brittany's location was redacted from the file. When she asked Jim about it, he became really quiet and Spock gave her a look that told her not to ask any more questions.

The lawsuit was settled out of court two months later when Commander Thompson became Captain Thompson and the entire family was reunited on board the USS Obama. The entire incident resulted in the regulations involving families, interpersonal relationships between crewmembers, and tandem assignments to be completely rewritten. Enforcement of the rules on the book became more universal supposedly. Most importantly the true definition of a crisis situation, when the tandem assignments rule can be suspended, was established.

The Federation was still in a crisis situation 12 months after the destruction of Vulcan. The command shortage wasn't the only problem. The federation was still in a very fragile state. Some planets left the Federation because they felt the organization could no longer offer true protection. Various adversaries also believe the Federation was weaker. Technically the Federation was not at war, but casualties were high for ships that were supposedly on peacekeeping missions.

As she read the file, she relies that something else was missing besides Brittany's whereabouts during that time. "Why were the Thompsons split up in the first place? There's nothing in here about that." She asked out loud breaking the two out of whatever they were doing.

"Starfleet said it was in the best interest of the organization for the two to serve on separate ships. That was the same justification they gave when they shipped off Brittany and her brother to separate parts of the galaxy. At least now an extreme shortage of captain's is a buyable excuse." Jim said bitterly. There was something he wasn't saying.

"That doesn't make sense. Your mom was pregnant with you in space. Even prior to the amendments, Starfleet did not split up families that way unless there's an actual war going on. Something's missing." She said aloud.

"I always knew you were a genius. Evelyn Thompson was not very well liked for reasons other than her personality. She was a good captain. She was an excellent negotiator. No one was shocked that she gave up her life to protect her crew." Jim said sadly.

"She's basically you but more likable." She said with a grin.

"Yes. Just like me she had her own ‘we hate you’ club. She was a super genius who graduated from the academy at 18. She was a full lieutenant before she was even old enough to drink. She still holds the record for youngest female captain, although you have several years to break that yourself." She rolled her eyes when he said that.

"We are having a serious conversation about trying to keep you two on the same ship and you decide to use this as an opportunity to get me to sign up for the program again?"

"I'm a natural born multitasker." Jim said with a smile

"I'm aware." Spock said sharply before Jim continued.

"What's not in the file is that before the transfer she was already being considered to receive her own ship. Certain people were not happy about that including one admiral in particular. He was convinced that she was given preferential treatment for various reasons. He was also upset that Starfleet looked the other way when the Thompsons got married. One admiral in particular thought she was riding her husband's coattails. He was one of these people who was born 300 years too late and still believed a woman's place was in the home. He thought if you split one of the most effective teams in Starfleet up she would fall flat on her ass. Instead she thrived under pressure and sued Starfleet's ass off."

"Why didn't this part of the story make the media?"

"Nobody paid attention to the fallout because they were too busy being outraged by an easily preventable tragedy halfway across the galaxy on Tarsus IV." He said cryptically with anger in his voice.

"The split was political." She heard Spock say as more of a statement than a question.

"Considering you grew up as the son of a diplomat, you should be well aware that everything is political, especially in Starfleet. I spent too much of my childhood being paraded in front of cameras during Kelvin anniversary ceremonies to think otherwise. I'm not egotistical enough to think my appointment to captain at 25 was solely based on my awesome captain skills. During the last year, half of our missions have been specifically designed to improve Starfleet's image. They needed to distract the galaxy from the ugly truth. Starfleet had 25 years to find the Narada and never did. They assumed that no one will ask questions when they are projecting the image of the guy who saved earth, who just happened to be the son of a dead war hero, everywhere. The fact that the other guy who helped saved earth happened to be Vulcan was just a bonus." Jim said as he began to play with Spock's ears.

"Will you please cease touching my ears when we are having a serious conversation!" Spock as he tried to pull away

"You love it when I touch you there." Jim said as he ran one finger across the shell of Spock's ear. This caused her to throw one of the pillows on the couch at the couple.

"As much as I enjoy watching you two making out and not denying it, if you too want to be able to do this six months from now we need to focus. If every decision in Starfleet is politically motivated, why are they doing this now?" She asked trying to get the two to focus again.

"That's obvious. Others could be promoted to captain or first officer. They need to show the Federation at large that despite the decimation of their planet and almost 99% of their total population, the Vulcan people are still doing fine. What better way to do that than appointing Starfleet's first Vulcan captain? I don't understand why they didn't try it last year."

Apparently it is a lot harder for Spock to keep something from Jim then it was from her. It turns out the conversation she overheard a few months ago wasn't the first time Spock was offered his own ship.

They did offer him his own ship last year in hopes of keeping him in Starfleet when Spock was considering going to the colony. Starfleet was so desperate to keep him that they were willing to make him captain. It didn't work. Although a suggestion from a certain other self did.

\--

It wasn't until they reached the earth a day ago that she discovered the real reason why they were forcing Spock to leave the Enterprise. Apparently, Jim had more in common with the late Captain Thompson then he thought.

Presently, Starfleet was inundated with reporters. This time they were not easily distracted by the festivities to commemorate the thousands of cadets who lost their lives almost a year ago. Normally, the death of a captain in the line of duty would be something that would be forgotten about as soon as the court martial hearings were over with. This time the reporters smelled blood in the water.

The Obama should have gone on the Enterprise's last major mission. She does not mean that the ship was more suited for that particular mission, but rather the ship was originally assigned to that mission.

A certain reporter who was a hacker in a former life discovered an internal memorandum stating that the ship should have handled that mission. The Enterprise had more advanced weapons and was more used to the type of missions that led to the death of Captain Evelyn Thompson.

She knew that the joining ceremony mission was a set-up for a while. She did not know how bad of a set-up it was until the three of them met with Admiral Pike and her friend from Starfleet legal today.

"Are you really telling me that the three of us would have been dead by now if Jim and Spock were not a real couple?" Nyota asked still in shock.

"That's exactly what I'm saying. Sending a fake couple to the planet would have been a direct violation of the preliminary agreement reached earlier. According to their local custom they would have been in their rights to execute the impostors. We are not sure if the person who switched the assignment was aware of that fact since it is quite obscure. Maybe they just assumed that you would fail miserably and they would have a justifiable reason to take your commission away from you." Pike said solemnly.

"It's possible. They were unaware that Spock and I were really a couple. However, I doubt the person is that innocent!" Jim explained.

"You and Spock were unaware that you were a couple at the time." Nyota said taking a large drink of the alcohol provided earlier.

"If the person was aware they probably assumed that Spock would follow the regulations regarding first officers and captains not going on away missions together." Pike said with a snicker.

"This person really doesn't know us at all. So which member of the Admiralty set us up?" Jim asked with a hint of anger.

"We're not sure yet." Leslie said. "The investigation is still in progress. The admiral who oversaw your last assignment said that she was just following orders.

"I find such an argument faulty. Certain important information was purposely kept out of the mission briefing materials." Spock said to the others in the office.

"She's a brand new vice admiral who got her position through nepotism. The paper trail shows that she wasn't the one to change the orders. Unfortunately, the identity of the person who did is still in question. Whoever set this up was not expecting Captain Thompson to end up dead or for Jim to succeed." Leslie explained.

"It was Lieutenant Uhura who successfully negotiated the treaty." Spock added.

"That does not matter; your success caused problems for their plans. They definitely weren't expecting Admiral Pike to investigate what happen or for Commander Thompson and his daughter Lieutenant Brittany Thompson to file a wrongful death suit." Leslie continued.

"What does any of this have to do with Spock being transferred to another ship?" Jim asked.

"It appears that this is the backup plan. With the lawsuit and the investigation pending they need a distraction." The adviser said stoically.

"Let me guess, whoever wants me out of the captain chair by any means necessary assumes that Spock is the real person in charge. They assume if we are split up I will fail miserably and I will be decommissioned or dead within two months." Jim said sarcastically.

"Obviously this person doesn't know you at all." Nyota said rolling her eyes.

"Or they know me better then they think they do. I would not fail because of incompetents or lack of skill. I wouldn't accidentally get killed on a diplomatic mission because I forgot to read the briefing materials. However, I wouldn't be anywhere near as good without Spock. You see things I don't. You come up with solutions I can't. You are my other half. That's why I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Chris, how do you feel about performing a wedding today?" Jim asked, batting his eyelashes ever so innocently.

"Only you would ask me a question like that.” Pike said rolling his eyes. “However, it's not necessary."

"Of course, it's necessary!" Jim explained.

"No, it's not. One of the good things to come out of switching assignments is that the joining ceremony does count as a legally binding marriage under Starfleet regulations and Federation law, even though the planet was technically not a member of the Federation at the time of the ceremony. The ceremony is recognized retroactively now that they are a member planet of the federation. Because that wedding date precedes Spock's orders your relationship would be covered by the Thompson Amendments, but just barely." The legal advisor said.

"Actually, under Vulcan law we may have been married for as long as 11.9 months." Jim's mouth opened in complete shock as Spock when on to explain.

It turns out her assumption about Vulcan bonding was true. All those times they seem to be talking to each other without words, they were talking to each other without words. She just didn't think it was going on that long.

No one said a thing about insubordination when she hit her now ex-boyfriend for staying with her for over six months when he was technically married to someone else.

Jim's only response was, "I told you she would make a good captain. She's not afraid to attack someone five times stronger than her."

\---

 

She left shortly after punching Spock. A couple of hours later, Jim showed up at her hotel room bearing gifts.

"Can I come in? I come bearing real chocolate and non-replicated ice cream." She would let him in eventually. She was not that mad anymore. However, she wanted to have some fun first.

"What brand?" She asked not looking at him.

"Ben and Jerry's of Earth, I brought Phish Food." He said giving her the container. It was her favorite flavor.

"Fine, you can come in. Either you were really good at guessing or your husband chose your peace offering." She remarked.

"The ice cream is from Spock." He said passing a spoon to her.

"I don't think ice cream will make up for this."

"He knows that. He says he is sorry and it's possible that we weren't really bonded until the conference room incident. He didn't realize it was a possibility until after then any way." That explanation placated her slightly. She was less pissed off now. Considering how heavy the two were in denial, she would not be that surprised if Spock did not really know for a while.

"I'm going to go with it happening earlier because it seem like you two were having  
conversations without words since the beginning. How do you accidentally get married?"

"Apparently it's quite easy since we manage to do it three times within the last year. Can Spock come in now without you throwing things?" He asked sheepishly.

"Spock you can come in. I know you were listening the entire time. I'm sorry I punched you."

"Your response was completely logical given the circumstances." Spock added.

"Pike agreed. Also, there's no way I'm writing that up in a formal report." Jim said with a snicker.

"So what happened after I left?" She asked a few minutes later.

"It seems that it is highly probable that to avoid calling attention to the situation, I will be allowed to stay on Enterprise." Spock said darkly.

"What my husband is saying is they’re too afraid of a scandal if the media finds out. Starfleet can't deal with any bad press at all less than a year after almost an entire cadet class ended up dead and an entire planet was destroyed due to bad intelligence and a decision 25 years ago that it wasn't cost effective to search for the ship that destroyed the Kelvin." She could hear bitterness dripping from every word.

"So you get what you want. That's a good thing. Why are you not happy? You're not adopting your husband's normally stoic behavior are you?" She joked.

"This is not a win. We win this time. Then some other Admiral decides he doesn't like me or someone else and manipulates things so they will lose his or her position or end up dead. If it was just me they were messing with, I could deal with it. Except, it's just not me and chances are next time more than one person will end up dead. 13 years ago an Admiral who had no problem abusing his power did the same thing with the Thompsons. That time someone just almost ended up dead. This time someone did end up dead and it could have been worse. Next time, I'm sure the body count will be higher." She was pretty sure they were doing that thing where they talk to each other telepathically after the long silence that followed. They were both silent for a moment as Spock put his arms around Jim.

"Can you two please start talking out loud again?" She asked with a sigh.

"Sorry, we didn't know we were doing it. See this is why Spock didn't know that he was married to me when he was still dating you." She just rolled her eyes when Jim said that.

"I think it's in our best interest long-term to fight this." Jim said confidently.

"What are you planning, T'hy'la?"

"It is best you don't know. Do you trust me?" Jim asked that as he squeezed Spock’s hand.

"Implicitly," she knew that Spock’s words were more than just rhetoric.

\---

 

 

Today marked exactly one year since Jim and Spock met each other in this very room for the first time. Everything is different now. One year ago, she and Spock were lovers. One year ago, her three best friends were still alive. One year ago, there was still a Vulcan and Spock's mother was alive. So much has changed in that year for better or worse.

Spock and Jim are now together in the ‘until death do us part’ sense. She and Spock are just friends despite that little incident earlier in the week. If you cannot hit your friend for being an asshole, what is the point? A certain captain of hers successfully convinced her to sign up for the command retraining program. Jim is convinced she is going to break Captain Evelyn Thompson's record for youngest female captain by at least five years.

Some things haven't changed. One year ago she sat in this room and watch Jim fight for something he believed in. Considering everything that has happened in the last year, fighting over a test seemed so silly. Now she knows they really weren't fighting about a test. They were fighting over the fact that no situation was unwinnable. She's pretty sure that he has convinced Spock of that, otherwise they wouldn't be together right now.

Mere hours after their initial meeting last year, she would see firsthand how hard Jim will fight for something he believed in. Now once again he's fighting for the thing he believed in the most. She stands back in the shadows as the scene unfolds in front of her.

This was supposed to be when Spock received his new commission in front of the new soon to be graduating class of cadets and representatives of the press from every planet in the federation. Instead, Jim chose this moment to derail the admiral in question using him to keep everyone distracted. The member of the Admiralty that practically fell over when Jim brought out the marriage license was probably the one who was responsible all along.

"This doesn't change anything." The Admiral said with anger. "Accidentally getting married on a mission that you were not even supposed to go on in the first place doesn't mean you're really together. You're just worried that if you get separated from your first officer everyone will find out how incompetent you really are." Jim just laughed as Spock stood beside him giving the man the Vulcan death glare.

"We've been together for nearly five months. We were already planning to get married. Thanks to whoever had a grudge against me, we don't have to plan the ceremony. You wouldn't know about that would you? It worked out for the best because the leaders of that planet sure know how to throw a honeymoon." She could see Spock giving him his usual ‘I think you're being a complete idiot’ look as the admiral in question saw firsthand how fierce Jim Kirk could be when truly tested.

"These little games end now. No more using liberal execution of Starfleet policy to exercise a personal vendetta against someone you don't like. You have two choices in this situation, enforce the policies correctly for everyone and allow my husband and me to stay together so that you will have the greatest command team in Starfleet history or you lose both of us."

"Losing him would be worth no longer having to deal with you. You are a disgrace to that uniform. You are only here because you got lucky and everyone expects you to be as good as your daddy."

"I've always thought I look great in command yellow. At least that's what my husband says." He said ignoring the earlier comment. "Of course, we won't be going without a fight and a few interviews." Jim said pointing to the press corps waiting in the wings. "I'm sure they would love to know about how your decision to reassign a mission meant for the Enterprise lead to Captain Evelyn Thompson's death. The choice is yours. Let's face it, you really can't deal with the bad publicity right now."

One year ago in this very room Jim and Spock faced each other head to head on different sides of an argument that doesn't seem so big anymore. Today they stand side by side. Together they can face anything including a dick of an admiral and win. The fact that they are together is a true victory. The fact that Jim will fight for Spock is the most important thing of all. The fact that Spock is there by his side is a true sign of how far things have come. This is the final sign that Jim Kirk is completely in love with Spock. He will always fight for Spock and he will always be by his side.


	21. Spock Sign Ten: Forever

When she and Spock were together the concept of forever never really came up. They never talked about Spock's white picket fence dream. They never talked about getting married or even having children. Maybe deep down, she knew that they couldn't have forever. He was most likely going to outlive her by a century anyway. During the course of their relationship, they concentrated on the now and that was fine with her. She just assumed he was not looking for forever either.

A year later, she knows better. They never talked about forever, because he did not want forever with her. Truth be told, she did not want forever with him either. She really did not want forever with anyone. She was not a white picket fence person. The thought of being pregnant or becoming a mom terrified her. The only thing she would ever be married to was Starfleet. (The fact that a certain captain of hers talked her into retraining for command meant she would be married to Starfleet for better or worse for a very long time.)

It was obvious to her that Spock wanted forever with Jim. Before they were forced out of denial by Pon Farr and the transfer, there were little things that told her he was planning to be with Jim for a very long time. For example, on his personal PADD, Spock had all sorts of files on alternative conception techniques for same sex couples and Interspecies couples. Before taking three days out of their very busy research schedule to have copious amounts of sex for medical reasons, Spock had already pulled almost every single piece of information he could think of that would help him find a way to stay on the ship with Jim. They did not really need the files on tendon assignments that Admiral Pike sent because Spock already pulled up that information.

The fact that Spock wanted to stay on the ship told her that Spock truly wanted forever with Jim. Spock actually assigned her to a different ship when they were dating just to avoid the allusion of favoritism. With Jim by his side, they took on the Admiralty just so he could win the right to stay with Jim. Their fight was successful.

It turned out the joining ceremony was a legally binding marriage under Starfleet regulations and Federation law. Also engaging in the fertility rites after the fake wedding reception also counted as a marriage under Starfleet regulations and Federation law. Although the first marriage to occur without anybody knowing about it was the unintentional marriage bond that formed between the two early on in the mission. Let us just say she was not very happy to find out her ex boyfriend may have been married by Vulcan standards to someone else during their actual relationship.

The fact that they were even able to form a mental bond without even trying was another sign that they were going after forever. Vulcan bonds do not happen accidentally unless the two individuals involved have very compatible minds. An accidental bonding would have never happened between her and Spock. She and Spock were nowhere near as mentally compatible as Jim and Spock.

Now a day after the infamous showdown with the Admiralty, they were back on the ship essentially hiding from reporters. She knew no matter what, the press would be following the three of them around today. She was sure somebody wanted a good shot of her or someone else crying over the graves of their friends that died last year.

At least one member of the press core knew what a Vulcan make out session, looked like and now Jim and Spock were the hot story of the moment. The two were bombarded with questions about their secret marriage the moment they stepped out of the hotel for the remembrance ceremony at Starfleet headquarters.

She personally believed one of the Admirals wanting to keep everybody distracted from the messy situation caused by certain people in power abusing their position decided to use Jim and Spock's marriage as a diversionary tactic. Their marriage was not even public record on earth yet, but somehow the press managed to get a hold of the marriage license.

Unfortunately, touch telepaths do not handle the press very well. They do not really handle any situation well when they are crowded by people trying to touch them. To keep Spock from accidentally nerve pinching a reporter, Jim and Spock decided to go back to the ship as soon as they could. After a male reporter followed her into the bathroom at a restaurant this afternoon, she decided to join them.

They were currently packing up Spock's things in his quarters for him to move in with Jim. It was not as if they needed to pack up Spock's things right now (thankfully). It was not as if they were packing Spock up to go to another ship. It was a distraction if nothing else. If they stayed busy, they would not have to think about today being the one-year anniversary of the destruction of Vulcan.

Spock's room was completely trashed after the Pon Farr activities so it was decided that today he would move into Jim's quarters temporarily until Spock's room was converted into a dual occupancy unit. During the forced sex marathon, somehow they even managed to break the bathroom door. She still was not brave enough to ask how that happened.

"So how upset is your father that we got married without him?" Jim asked Spock as he packed up the contents of Spock's closet.

She was shocked at how many gold uniform tops and blue jeans in Jim’s size managed to find their way into Spock's closet. There were lots of things of Jim's all over Spock's quarters. She knew the old fashion board games were Jim's. There were all sorts of little mementos and gifts picked up on various missions that she knew came from Jim all around the place. Several of these things were currently scattered on the floor. The same could be said for Jim's quarters already. She already knew there were lots of blue science tops and Vulcan meditation robes in his closet. Last week she saw a Vulcan meditation mat and lamp sitting in Jim's room.

 When she and Spock broke up, she was shocked to learn that the only thing she had in his quarters of hers was a toothbrush. The same could be said for him. When they were packing up his apartment before beginning the mission almost a year ago, the only things of hers in his apartment were a toothbrush and an extra set of clothing.

"My father is not upset. Vulcans do not get upset." Jim rolled his eyes at that comment. She was surprised he did not mention what happened on this day last year. That in itself proved that Vulcans do get upset.

"He would be the only one. Pike is pissed off, but you already know that. He was actually looking forward to coming to the wedding. He said he wanted to do the father of the groom speech. Bones was upset too."

"The doctor is mostly angry because he lost his wager relating to when we would marry. He is also worried that you will not be able to remember our wedding anniversary since we have more than one day to commemorate."

"It was his fault for thinking I would only marry you because you went into heat. As for the wedding date, that is what PADDs with reminders software are for. Because I don't celebrate my birthday and neither do you, we will only have to remember the three wedding anniversaries. This way I get more gifts."

"It is not the doctor's fault. Most Vulcan marriages do occur shortly before Pon Farr. This was in the information my father gave him. If I had stayed engaged to T'Pring, I most likely would not have married her until my fourth Pon Farr." She was surprised that they were talking about this at all in front of her. From what she understands, Pon Farr is a very taboo subject in Vulcan culture.

"How would that have worked? This room was completely trashed and it was only your third cycle." She said picking up a broken knickknack from the floor to prove her point. She hoped it was something that was replaceable. By the amount of damage to the room and Jim earlier this week, she knew things were very intense.

"If I was not already accustomed to certain activities, meditation would have been an acceptable alternative for the third cycle." Spock explained as his cheeks became green.

"What you're saying is you enjoy sex too much for meditation to do any good." She snickered.

"Precisely,"

"I'm just that good." Jim said with a cocky smile as he kissed his husband. She threw a pillow at him. Maybe it was better when they were in denial. She did not have to listen to Jim brag about his sexual prowess with her ex.

The rest of the evening was spent with Jim making jokes about turning his room into a nursery once the renovations were completed and trying to talk her into being there surrogate mother. Instead of diverting Jim's attention, Spock actually thought the nursery suggestion was logical, but felt it was best that they look into adoption right now. Later on, they could look into creating their own biological child. Spock wanting to have children with Jim was definitely a sign of his love for Jim and his desire to stay with Jim always.

When she got back to her room that night, she took out her PADD and finally entered the final sign.

_Sign 10: Spock wants to spend forever with Jim._

 

**Three Months Later**

Spock's father was not upset about his only child getting married without telling him. He was just severely disappointed. He did not accept the excuse that they did not know they were getting married. He very much wanted to be there for his son's wedding. To smooth everything over Jim actually suggested that they get married for a fourth time in an actual Vulcan ceremony.

They were presented with the perfect opportunity to do such a ceremony a few weeks later. They were currently stationed at the new Vulcan colony to help with the rebuilding efforts for two months. She personally thinks somebody pulled some strings to make up for what happened with the almost transfer. Their new admiral was not saying anything.

After the scandal that occurred three months ago, there were major shakeups at Starfleet. Four Admirals were fired and three of the four were facing criminal charges including conspiracy to commit murder and treason. The situation is too complicated to rehash right now but essentially somebody hated Jim so much that he purposely set things up for Jim to fail so badly on a mission that he would lose his commission or possibly end up dead. Instead, Captain Thompson was the one who ended up in a body bag. Because he was one of the few that spoke up about what was going on Admiral Pike was promoted. To smooth things over with Captain Thompson's widow, he was their new Admiral.

It really didn't matter if their current assignment was political; it gave the two plenty of time to put together a real wedding that the father of the groom was paying for. Normally Vulcan weddings were quiet affairs. The wedding that took place between Sarek and T'Pay a few weeks ago only had a few guests besides her, Jim, and Spock. T'Pay believed Sarek was doing this to make up for years of ignoring Spock because he decided to join Starfleet.

Today was the day of the big ceremony. She just finished helping Jim put on his Vulcan robes and now she was getting ready to take her place beside Spock for the ceremony. Actually, she was laughing at Jim as he tried to put his robe over the suit she was forcing him to wear. She was able to get absolutely wonderful pictures of Jim practically falling down on his ass when trying to get ready to show at the reception. She also gave Jim the traditional ‘if you hurt my friend, I will kick your ass’ speech.

As she walked down the hall of the very young building where the wedding was taking place, she ran into the older version of her friend. Although they have talked from time to time, she has not seen him in person since Jim got in a fight with his aid during the ‘invasion of the Vulcans’.

"I should have known you would be on the guest list. I guess you are probably feeling some weird sense of Déjà vu. So how does this compare to the ceremony the first time around?" As soon as she asked the question, his face made the same expression that her Spock did when he was sad about something. The last time she saw this expression was when his mother died.

"I wish that were the case." She could almost detect sorrow in his tone. "You are under many misconceptions about my relationship with the Jim of my time line. We were never married." That statement completely shocked her.

"I thought you and him were…" She trailed off not even able to finish the question.

"He was my T'hy'la. I loved him very much and always will. You were right all along; our friendship did have a sexual component. However, things were much more complicated in my time line. My Jim was not as free is your Jim. Then again, my counterpart is more comfortable with parts of himself then I was at his age. In my time line, Starfleet did not enact any changes similar to the Thompson amendments until years after we were no longer on active duty. I did not want to do anything that would harm his career or his relationship with his family." She could hear the sorrow and regret in his voice.

"Let me guess, Winona was a homophobic bitch in both dimensions?" Spock's lack of answer told her everything she needed to know.

"I was under the impression that we would always have more time. We could be together completely once he was truly retired. I let myself be satisfied with a public friendship and private liaisons. For years, I stood back and watched him have relationships with women that did not mean anything to him. It did not matter because I knew he would always come back to me. Then one day he did not come back. He never knew the true depth of my feelings. I have never regretted anything as much as I regret that decision."

"He left you for someone else?" This question was hard for her to ask. The only thing that would keep this dimensions Jim away from Spock is death itself, and even that was questionable. This was Jim Kirk they were talking about.

"I wish that were the case. It would have been easier if he left me willingly for another woman. At least then I would still have our friendship." His expression told her what really happen. Her earlier assumption was right.

"I'm sorry," it was the only thing she could say. She wanted to hug him but she doubted he would let her.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. What is done is done. The past cannot be changed, only the present. We did not have this version of you dragging us kicking and screaming out of our denial. For all the horrible things in this timeline, many things are better. For example, your counterpart never considered retraining for command even though she probably would have made a fine captain."

"My grandmother always said there was a predetermined amount of good and evil in the galaxy. For every act of evil, there must be an act of goodness to balance it out. Maybe this is the universe’s way of making up for everything."

"I fine your logic sound."

She must admit that the Vulcan ceremony was just as beautiful as the joining ceremony four months ago. Although she personally believes Jim went with the Vulcan ceremony because it was significantly shorter than any earth wedding ceremony she could think of.

Half the crew in attendance was completely shocked to see her standing by Spock side during the ceremony. She was sure half of them were taking bets on when she would start crying into her champagne or punch out Jim. She will admit that she did cry a few tears but most of those were happy tears, except for the few she shed for ‘Grandpa Spock’ and the Jim that never knew how much he really loved him.

Although they went with a Vulcan wedding ceremony, they decided to have an earth style reception. She was currently listening to Dr. McCoy give the best man toast.

"Honestly, I never thought this day would come, especially back at the academy when I used to have to chase some guy or girl out of our dorm room every other night. There was this one time with these fraternal twins…"

"They do not need to hear about that." Jim said cutting off his best friend beside his husband and her.

"I would actually like to hear this story." Spock said so low enough that only she and Jim could hear.

"I'll tell you later. Can we please get on with this? Otherwise, sick bay will have an influx of male nurses and physicians assistants."

"Fine you will not let me have any fun. I never thought you would be the type of guy who would get married to anyone, let alone to a guy who tried to kill you after knowing you for less than 48 hours. I should have known something was going on back then. It takes everyone else at least a week to want to kill you." Everyone started laughing at that.

"Yet somehow you manage to end up married to the guy. Not that you actually knew what you were doing at the time, because you were in complete denial about being in love with the damn computer. As most of you out there know this is actually there forth wedding. Although I wonder if the other three count because they were not aware, they were getting married. I'm not sure if having four different wedding anniversaries is a good thing or a bad thing. However, this raises a very interesting question; how many times can you accidentally get married, still be allowed to be called a genius?" She is sure somebody got PADD footage of Jim flipping Bones off when he said that.

"Love you too, but in a platonic way. I wish you all the luck in the world. If you do something stupid Jim, don't come to me. I'm a doctor Jim, not a marriage counselor."

Traditionally as the other best person/maid of honor, she would follow Bones, but because they talked her into singing the song for the first dance, she would be going last. Spock's father gave a wonderful speech about the true meaning of love and how much Amanda would have loved to have Jim as her son in law. That toast had every non-Vulcan in the room crying.

 Admiral Pike stood in for the other father of the groom sharing more crazy stories about Jim and Spock including the nerve pinch diplomacy incident and the Kobayashi maru story. Of course, he added in the part that no one else knew about. Apparently, the whole thing was to get the attention of a very hot professor that Jim had a crush on. Before he even knew Spock's name he thought he was hot. Honestly how did they not see this coming?

Although Frank was there, they decided it was best to keep him away from any activity involving alcohol including the toast. No one wanted him to fall off the wagon. Winona would not have been there even if she were willing to come. After their relationship became public knowledge, Winona was on every tabloid news program in the galaxy bad mouthing her son. No one wanted her negativity ruining this happy day and therefore she was not on the guest list.

Spock being his normal reserve Vulcan self decided to read an old poem in Vulcan about the true nature of love. Jim was the one who gave another speech that had everybody crying again. Basically, he adapted her list of the 10 signs that he was in love with Spock for his speech. Then it was her turn.

"I know it's not traditional for the ex girlfriend of the groom to be in the wedding party, but when have we ever been about tradition. I just don't have the energy to throw things or cry into my glass of champagne." She said breaking the ice as she stepped on the stage with the band behind her. "You two are my two closest friends despite everything. I'm truly happy that you two have found each other." She was almost sure she saw a tear of happiness coming from Jim.

"Spock, I knew you were in love with Jim before you had any clue of what was going on. For all of you who don't know, at least one of those wedding ceremonies occurred when Spock was technically dating me." She heard Bones and Admiral Pike laugh at the main table.

"I'm not mad at you anymore. I realized a long time ago that you and I would not have forever. You and Jim will be forever. I just needed to punch you once to get the anger out of my system." Everyone in the audience laughed when she said that.

"You think she's joking? She really did punch him when she found out. We love you anyway." Jim shouted from the dance floor.

"Her reaction was perfectly logical under the circumstances." Spock said in her defense.

"Spock, save the logical explanation for later. Let her continue so we can start the party part of this reception." Jim joked as he kissed Spock quickly.

"I love you both even though there are days when I want to kill both of you. I'm standing up here because they asked me to sing the song for their first dance. Do you have any idea how hard it is to pick out a wedding song for a Vulcan? I think I spent weeks listening to practically every love song recorded in the last 300 years to find the perfect song that describes Spock's feelings for Jim. Yes, Spock does have feelings. I finally gave up and decided to go with the 21st century song Halo originally performed by the late earth Senator Beyoncé Knowles–Carter. I mostly chose this song for the opening lyrics. Spock, promise me you won't say anything about how illogical angels and halos are. It is just a metaphor. Before I sing just let me say this to Jim, if you hurt him, I will kill you." The crowd started laughing again.

As the laughter died down, she began to sing the opening lyrics, "Remember those walls I built? Well, baby they're tumbling down and they didn't even put up a fight. They didn't even make a sound."

The lyrics meant more than anyone in the audience really knew. He never really let her in. She was never his saving grace. As much as she tried, she could never be his light in the darkness. Jim was all these things. Jim was the one who finally broke down all those walls that Spock build to keep everyone away.

Everything she said in that speech was the truth. She was never forever. He was never her forever, but Jim was. Jim was the one that he would grow old with. Jim would be the one he would create a family with. Jim will be the one that Spock will share his life with. She was truly happy that Spock found forever in Jim. She wouldn't have it any other way.


	22. Epilogue A: Jump

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title for this chapter comes from the Madonna song of the same name.

It is amazing how much one can accumulate over what seems like such a short period of time. After 30 months on Enterprise her quarters seemed to be filled with mementoes of missions that went right and certain missions that she will be trying to repress until retirement. (Particularly any mission where Jim and Spock got stoned on aphrodisiacs and she accidentally walked in on them having sex. Honestly, you'd be amazed how many times they've ran into random aliens that tried to force Jim and Spock to have sex. Much to Jim's disappointment they have not run into a polyandrous society that has forced a threesome.)  
Over the last 30 months, this place has become her home. The first real home she has had in a very long time. It seemed shocking that this occurred considering everything that happened. She realized it could have easily gone the other way.  
Most people don't even speak to their ex-boyfriend, let alone become his best friend. She has gotten very good at giving Spock advice when his husband is a complete idiot. Jim Kirk being Jim Kirk he can do some pretty stupid things. Fortunately, he hasn't done anything recently that could get him strangle in the not fun way.  
She is unsure how it happened but the Enterprise became her home. It became the one place where she truly felt comfortable. It became the one place where she felt nurtured. Over the last 30 months this ship, but more importantly the people on the ship have become a home that she doesn't want to leave. However, she knows it is time for her to go.  
19 months ago, she thought Spock would be the one that would be leaving. She thought her friend would be leaving her and his accidental husband behind. Instead, it would be her that would be leaving him and her other best friend.  
As the first graduate of the command retraining program she will become the First Officer of Captain Jordan Jackson of the USS Obama. (Yes that Jordan.) It turns out that Jim and Spock's mutual nerdy ex-boyfriend was actually a Lieutenant Commander at the time she convinced Spock that she was much more deserving of his attention. Jordan was the Commander who was promoted to captain after the Admiralty realized they had no choice but to leave Spock on the Enterprise.  
Brittany who is now Chief Communications Officer on the ship at the new record breaking age of 23 thought he was an incompetent ass that would drop dead if he didn't have a decent First Officer. He was not a risk taker. Unlike Jim, he did believe in no wins scenarios. She had her work cut out for her. Spock believed she would make an adequate First Officer to his ex and she trusted his judgment.  
Jim thought it was funny that she would be working with Spock's other ex. That comment got him a pillow to the head. She personally wasn't looking forward to it because Jordan was nowhere near as gracious as her.  
As she packed up her things, she realized how much things have changed since she stepped on Enterprise over 2½ years ago. She came on board as Spock's girlfriend who was still shell-shocked from losing all of her friends, thanks to one very troubled individual. Before that battle, she thought she would be lucky if she ever became a Chief Communications Officer before she turned 35. She did not expect to earn that position within a matter of days.  
She leaves the ship happily single with two good friends and a sense of inner peace. She also leaves with the rank of Commander to become a First Officer. She is also on the fast track to being the youngest female Captain in Starfleet history. She still has six years to beat the late Captain Evelyn Thompson's record. Her husband Admiral Thompson is looking forward to that occurring.  
During her first year on Enterprise, the biggest transition was the changes in her relationship with Spock. It surprised her how easy the transition from lover to friend really was. They were definitely better as friends then lovers. She had someone she could tell her deepest secrets to again and supported her when things were falling apart like when her dad died in a car accident last year. With Jim's consent, he accompanied her to the funeral on Earth and stayed by her side the entire time. She seriously doubted she would have received the same emotional support if they were lovers.  
She will admit that having an overprotective ex-boyfriend makes hooking up on shore leave with a random stranger very difficult. One time during shore leave, Spock started touching every guy that tried to buy her a drink. She later found out that he was vetting all of them to see if any of them were suitable candidates for her. It was kind of funny. It was his way of paying her back for setting him up with Jim.  
19 months ago, she started the command retraining program. The hours were long and having Jim breathe down her neck every time she did something wrong was stressful. She had the urge to strangle him at least once a week (in the not fun way). However, she knew in the long run that she would be a better commanding officer for it.  
16 months ago, she started leading away missions on her own occasionally. Her absolute favorite away mission that she led was when she had to rescue her Captain and his husband from a planet by dressing up as their goddess. She enjoyed having the locals throw rose like petals at her feet.  
The next major transition was watching her two friends go from being single to married to being family men. Six months after the (real) wedding, Jim and Spock adopted two young girls who lost their parents during the destruction of Vulcan. T'Pong was shoved in an evacuation pod by her mother just minutes before the planet was destroyed. She was only four at the time. Amanda, who already had that name, was two when she lost both parents. They were serving on separate ships when they died in the ambush.  
Both girls were doing well adjusting to life on a starship. T'Pong loves living on Enterprise in a very Vulcan way. She personally thinks that is because living on Enterprise is like living on a big science lab.  
Spock is a great dad to his two daughters. He completely understands that they have very different needs. When they were together, Nyota could never picture him as a father. Yet the role truly suited him. His Vulcan patience came in handy when a then three year old Amanda created a picture of the entire Enterprise crew on the walls of their quarters.  
Spock, also became adequate at playing Barbies, various video games, and tea party. Although she is pretty sure he prefers teaching both girls how to play chess.  
Fortunately, the Kirk girls were not alone on Enterprise. As part of the Kirk Amendments to the Starfleet's personnel policies involving family, all ships underwent renovations to allow family to live together on the ships. Enterprise was retrofitted with classrooms and play areas. The Enterprise currently has 16 children living on the ship. This meant that the Kirk girls had other children their age on board.  
These children included Dr. McCoy's now preteen daughter, who he won custody of after she almost died at some boarding school her mom sent her to. The doctor was a lot less grouchy now that his daughter was on board. She was sure Joanna and her favorite nieces were secretly conspiring to set the two of them up, but it didn't work.  
She will admit that she had mixed feelings when she found out two months ago from now Admiral Rodriguez that she was chosen to be the new First Officer of the Obama. She didn't want to leave her two best friends behind. She didn't want to miss out on seeing her two favorite nieces grow up. She didn't want to tell Jim or Spock about this because she knew that they would pressure her into taking the position for the sake of her career and for the good of Starfleet.  
The only somewhat neutral friend she really had was ‘Grandpa Spock’. She still calls him that as sort of a term of endearment. It's kind of funny when the Kirk girls call him that. Over the last 2½ years they've definitely become the best of friends. So much so that she took a two week 'vacation' to new Vulcan for the sake of a certain biological imperative. Although Pon Farr seems less intense once your partner makes it passed the century mark. Let's be honest, if you were in a must have sex or die situation wouldn't you rather sleep with a friend then a complete stranger? It made sense considering the love of his life was long gone.   
"Congratulations on your promotion Nyota." The older version of her best friend said as soon as he popped up on the screen.  
"How did you know?"  
"I have my sources." He said with what passes as a smirk for any Spock.  
"Jim or Spock?" She asked.  
"Actually, it was Admiral Pike. I feel that there is no one else who is as deserving as you to receive this promotion."  
"Don't celebrate just yet. I'm not sure if I'm going to take the position." She said with a sigh.  
"Do you doubt your abilities?"  
"No, it's just everything I will leave behind. Did my counterpart ever serve on a different ship?"  
"At times she had different assignments. However, as I have said repeatedly, you are not her. She was not raised by a stepmother who instilled a spirit of determination and leadership in her." He said trying to reassure her.  
"Sulu hates me because I've received a commission to be a First Officer before him." That was not a fun conversation.  
"I am sure he would be. Let me give you the same advice I gave my counterpart several years ago when he was at a crossroads; do what feels right. Just because you will be on a different ship does not mean that you will lose this family."  
As much as it pains her to admit it, it felt right to move on. It felt right to take this commission. Although, she also knew it was difficult. So difficult that two hours before she was scheduled to depart her room was still somewhat unpacked.  
"I do not understand why you waited until the last moment to pack your things." Her Spock said as he stood in her room helping her.  
"It's a human thing. We procrastinate sometimes," she said shrugging.  
"Are you sure that your procrastination is not caused by a reluctance to leave? Are you sure you want to take this commission?" Spock asked her.  
"Shouldn't you have asked me that question when your husband was trying to talk me into the command retraining program?"  
"You have a very logical point. Neither one of us thought you would be leaving so soon."  
"You're good teacher. I know I'll be able to come to you whenever I need advice on how to be a good First Officer. "  
"Of course, but I doubt you will need my help. You have always performed admirably."  
"Trust me I'm going to need a lot of help. In a way, you're right. I don't want to leave. However, I know it's the right decision. It's kind of like when we broke up." Nyota said as she continued packing.   
"How so?"  
"Even though I knew it was for the best, I was still afraid to do it. In the long run it was the best decision. You're now with the true love of your life. You are a wonderful father to your two daughters. Just as I knew then that it was the right decision for us to break up, I know it's time for me to leave."  
Saying goodbye to everyone was hard. Sulu was finally no longer jealous that she received a commission before him. He got over himself as soon as he found out that her future commanding officer would probably hate her instantly.  
Saying goodbye to the girls was difficult. All three have a special place in her heart. The almost five year old Amanda was crying. Jim tried to stay the epitome of the perfect Captain, but she swore she saw him shed a tear. Just one, but it was there.  
She took her time walking to the transporter room. She wanted to take in the sites of the ship one last time. She wanted to permanently enter every inch in her memory. Maybe someday she would be back. Maybe someday, when they finally talked Jim into becoming an Admiral, she will get to be the captain of this fine ship. The long walk to the transporter room was her own special goodbye. However, the hardest goodbye took place in the transporter room.  
"I guess this is it." She said to Spock.  
"It has been an honor to serve with you for these last 30.3 months. You performed your duty most efficiently."  
"To think you almost assigned me to a different ship." Nyota joked.  
"That was a grievous error on my part."  
"Yes, it was. It worked out in the end. Make sure you keep your husband on his toes."  
"I will endeavor to do so."  
"I'm going to miss you," she said leaning over to kiss him goodbye on the forehead.  
"I will miss you as well." It was the last thing she heard as she felt that tingle that signified the transporter was functioning. As she dematerialized she realized this was not the end it was merely a new beginning.


	23. Epilogue B: I'm Not Afraid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it everyone. This is the final chapter of 10 Signs the re-mastered edition. I would like to thank everyone who has read or reread this story. I think everybody should go over there old works once years later to see how much they have grown as a writer.  
> In addition, I like to thank Vampirewine for reviewing the original chapter.

When she first step foot on the Enterprise two and a half years ago she did not have time to take in the sites or sounds of the Federation's flagship. It was in the middle of a crisis and she was fresh out of the academy.

A month later, she really didn't have time to take in the scenery of the ship. She was too busy trying to keep everything under control and get her department in order. She was too busy trying not to mourn those that they lost. She may have also been too preoccupied with worrying if her boyfriend was going to leave her behind to have 75% Vulcan babies on the new colony.

Her worrying was for nothing because he came back to Enterprise anyway. Now she knows that decision was not made for her sake.

Around six months later, she will let him go anyway, fully aware that it was for the best. Five months later, she will stand by his side as he successfully fights to stay with his husband. More importantly, she stood by Jim as he fought to stay with his husband. Three months later, she gave the toast at his wedding (the official one) to Jim.

Now 30 months after the beginning, she is the one who is leaving. The irony is not lost on her. Three days ago, she inspected every inch of the Enterprise as she walked down the corridor leading to the transporter room for the final time. It was a bittersweet moment.

"Are you sure you really want to do this?" Jim asked her right after she said goodbye to his and Spock's two adopted daughters Amanda and T'Pong.

"Your husband asked the same question 30 minutes ago. Are you two doing the mental talking thing again? Shouldn't you have asked me that question when you were trying to get me to participate in the command retraining program?"

"I know. I didn't think you would be leaving this soon." Technically, she should have had at least another six months to go, but she's always been an overachiever.

"You're good teacher." She said as they continued to walk.

"The other Spock said your counterpart worked with the other me for almost her entire career." His voice had a hint of sadness to it.

"I wish I could, but I can't. They're not us. I think that's a good thing. The other you was not happily married by 26 to the love of his life. There are things in this life that have made us stronger. You're not afraid to be yourself and I'm not afraid to challenge the world." She said to him with a smile.

"So you are not leaving because you are uncomfortable watching me and your ex together?" She was tempted to laugh at his question it was so absurd at this point.

"You do remember my toast at your wedding? Trust me, I'm over it," She said with a roll of her eyes.

"Which wedding, there were four of them." He said with a laugh.

"The one on New Vulcan, you were actually aware you and Spock were getting married that time. It only happened 16 months ago," she quipped.

"That was a wedding?" Jim said with great sarcasm which resulted in her smacking him on the shoulder.

"I'm going to miss this. I'm going to miss you in general. You're the only one on the ship who has no problem hitting their superior officer." He joked again. He often used humor as a coping mechanism in highly emotional situations.

"I'm going to miss you too. If anybody told me six years ago that that guy who desperately tried to sleep with me at a hole in the wall bar in Iowa would become my best friend I think I would have laughed them out of the room. Then again, I probably would've been laughing anyway when they told me that you would be my future captain and I would be proud to call you that." She was desperately trying not to cry herself.

"I'm sure your reaction would have been worse if they told you that I would steal your boyfriend before we became friends." He joked again to keep her from crying.

"You didn't steal my boyfriend because he was never mind to begin with. I gave him to you after I broke him in. I think I did a good job. He understands most human humor now."

"Don't tell Spock that you gave him away. He will just get all extra Vulcan on me and I'll be sleeping on the couch. None of us wants that. I do want to say it has been a privilege to serve with you and I'm pretty sure you kept me from dying at least two or three times." The scary thing was this really was not a joke. Actually, the number may be significantly higher.

"Don't worry. You have Spock for that now." She is pretty sure that she saw him shed a tear when she hugged him goodbye.

Now three days later dressed in her new command yellow uniform, she took in everything of this new ship as she is led by her Chief Communications Officer Lieutenant Brittany Thompson. To make up for certain Admirals manipulating things to get rid of Jim that resulted in her mother ending up dead they made Brittany a Chief Communications Officer at 23 and her dad an Admiral.

Her father took over for Admiral Pike when he was reassigned. Because several Admirals lost their positions in the fallout, Captain Rodriguez was also promoted. It was Admiral Rodriguez who contacted her two months ago to let her know that upon completion of the command retraining program she would become First Officer on the USS Obama under the leadership of Captain Jordan Jackson. (Yes, he was that Jordan and he still hated her. Yes, she’s sort of stole his boyfriend but that’s no reason to hold a grudge for this long)

Normally Captains get to choose their First Officer, but after going through three officers in a 12 month period, they decided to assign someone. Brittany told her that he wasn't happy. She knew that.

When she spoke to him for the first time in person, he made that abundantly clear. He essentially accused her of only getting this position because she was screwing her former commanding officer.

"You know a good Captain keeps up to date on all the latest gossip,” She said keeping her voice as neutral as possible. “I haven't been with Spock for almost two years. He is happily married with two daughters. I'm sure if you lived in the real world like the rest of us you would know that he is married to your other ex-boyfriend Jim Kirk. I'm sorry, that's Captain Jim Kirk. You may not like me for various personal reasons, but that does not matter. I'm your First Officer whether you like it or not. We have to work together otherwise someone's going to end up dead."

By the way he completely ignored her on the bridge during their first shift together she knew this was going to be a very long mission. She should probably contact Spock for advice on what to do when you want to murder your Captain. The bright spot was almost her entire bridge crew served on the Enterprise during the first year. At least, she already knew names.

**\--**

**13 Months Later**

She was sitting in her brand new quarters still shell-shocked after the events of the last few days. During her Starfleet career, she has seen a lot of death. During her very first mission she watched an entire planet implode. However, nothing prepared her to watch her Captain be murdered in front of her eyes in the middle of the mess hall two days prior by a member of his crew.

The ship was dealing with a routine mission when the away team was exposed to some particulate that made people do exactly what they wanted to do. Fortunately, unlike the version that she encountered two years earlier on Enterprise, this version actually worked its way out of your system in a couple of hours and was nowhere near as contagious.

She realized something was wrong with the away team almost instantly, but her Captain didn't listen to her. This resulted in Lieutenant Ericson, one of the members of the security team who went down to the planet, shooting their Captain dead in the crowded cafeteria. Fortunately, non-exposed members of the security team were able to disarm him before he killed anybody else.

She didn't have time to process anything else as she went into crisis mode, quarantining the other exposed crewmembers before anybody else ended up dead. As Acting Captain, it was her job to inform the Admiralty of what happened. She gave her report as concisely as possible not leaving anything out.

"It was not your fault. You were the one who suggested that everyone who was on that planet be quarantined immediately after you noticed people beginning to act unusual. It was your Captain who decided not to follow your advice. Your decision to immediately quarantine everyone exposed after the incident probably saved more lives." Admiral Rodriguez said on the screen along with Admiral Pike.

"He didn't follow my advice because it came from me. We were a horrible team and that's why he ended up dead." Even after over a year her working relationship with her Captain was horrible.

"You did everything possible to work with him. Trust me if you can get along with your ex-boyfriend after he accidentally married someone else during your relationship I think you can handle anything." Admiral Pike said with a laugh that was highly inappropriate considering the circumstances.

"What Admiral Pike is trying to say is this was not your fault. Your record of service over the last year has been exemplary despite your problems with your Captain. Therefore it is our recommendation that you officially become Captain of the USS Obama effective immediately."

A day later, she still could not believe it. She managed to become a Captain at age 29.

She didn't want to hear from anybody unless it was a member of the Admiralty telling her that they made a horrible mistake and they were demoting her back down to Lieutenant. Of course, her Chief Communications Officer completely ignored her orders. Really, she should expect nothing less of Brittany.

"So I guess congratulations are in order, Captain Uhura." Jim said to her as soon as he appeared on the screen.

"You're the first person to call me that. Don't call me that. I can't believe it actually happened. How do you even know?" She asked sort of surprised but this was Jim Kirk she was talking to.

"Don't talk like that. You deserve to be a Captain, even though it happened under less than ideal circumstances." That was the understatement of the millennium.

"You still didn't explain how you even know about the circumstances or the fact that they promoted me permanently," she prompted again.

"About an hour ago, Sulu started running through the halls screaming something about becoming the new First Officer on the Obama. I contacted Brittany right away to see if you finally strangled Jordan on the bridge,” he joked before his eyes went dark. “It turns out I was not off by that much."

"It wasn't me. I'm surprise things are moving this fast. I told them yesterday that I would only accept if they would get Sulu to be my First Officer." Nyota explained.

"Admiral Thompson said they were planning on moving Jordan to another commission and give you control of the ship anyway. Although, now I'm kind of mad at you because I'm not only losing my Pilot, but my Navigator as well thanks to spouse assignments." Jim said this with a fake sad expression.

"It is such a shame you are going to have to break in another crew. You still have Scotty, Dr. McCoy and that long suffering husband of yours. I need all the help I can get." She was absolutely terrified of being a Captain, especially of the ship were the last two captains died in the line of fire.

"No you don't. You are a natural leader. You'll do fine." His words reassured her. Jim would never just tell her pretty things if he didn’t mean it.

"I can still call you and ask questions?" Nyota asked because he was the only one that she would let see her so vulnerable.

"Of course, I can give you all sorts of tips to break in your First Officer." He said with a smirk that was slightly obscene. She knew exactly what he was thinking.

"I don't think it's going to work considering my First Officer is a married man.” She told him laughing. “Enough about my fears, tell me what's going on with my favorite family."

It took almost four years to get to this point where she could have these conversations with Jim about his husband and his children and she could talk to him about her ship. This is the way it needed to be. He got Spock and she got a ship. She's okay with that.

"Are you going to be okay?" Jim asked her after almost 20 minutes of conversation involving stories about Spock and the kids along with Enterprise antidotes.

"I'll be fine. I'm overwhelmed, but I'm not afraid anymore." She told him honestly. Talking with him really did help.

"You can do this. I believe you can do anything.” Jim said and told of sincerity. “Although, you do realize that the race to youngest admiral ever is on?" She’s tempted to roll her eyes because she is half convinced that he only wants to be in admiral just to prove that he is qualified for such a job despite what certain idiots think.

"I wouldn't have it any other way.” She smirked. “Be prepared to lose."

"I don't lose." Jim told her with his trademark swagger.

"There's a first time for everything Jim."


End file.
